Once Upon A Time...I Mattered
I am overworked and underpaid.
I'm so very stressed and tired. I'm so very tired of dealing with mama's aging problems alone because no one is stepping in. I'm so very tired of realizing I can't do anything to change her behavior but I can't let her live alone. And a home is not an option right now. I'm just...so very tired and ready to cry, weep, and rage, but can't. She won't give up control, even though she asked me to take over, and it undermines all my efforts. It's very difficult living with an aging mentally slipping narcissist and you're a 30-year-old without any real life experience to fall on. Can't discipline her like I would a toddler, based on her tantruming reactions, so I'm stuck.
I just. I really, really want to be better than feeling petty and anger but I'm doing this ALONE. Her grown ass son won't help, at all. She takes her Ambien and won't sleep for 4 hours, thus making her a pain in the ass the next day because of the wrecked sleeping. So I have to explain things a billion times because a) memory shot already, b) she doesn't know what she does on Ambien anyway, and c) a combination.
I can't keep doing this but there's no one else. I'm...just so very bone weary from all her drama. I want to be happy again, even just briefly. I don't see that happening anytime soon, though. Hell, happy isn't even a vocab word I know. My student loans are pretty much keeping us afloat right now with her only bringing in less than $2,000 a month based on her property payments.
I just...can't.
I'm so very stressed and tired. I'm so very tired of dealing with mama's aging problems alone because no one is stepping in. I'm so very tired of realizing I can't do anything to change her behavior but I can't let her live alone. And a home is not an option right now. I'm just...so very tired and ready to cry, weep, and rage, but can't. She won't give up control, even though she asked me to take over, and it undermines all my efforts. It's very difficult living with an aging mentally slipping narcissist and you're a 30-year-old without any real life experience to fall on. Can't discipline her like I would a toddler, based on her tantruming reactions, so I'm stuck.
I just. I really, really want to be better than feeling petty and anger but I'm doing this ALONE. Her grown ass son won't help, at all. She takes her Ambien and won't sleep for 4 hours, thus making her a pain in the ass the next day because of the wrecked sleeping. So I have to explain things a billion times because a) memory shot already, b) she doesn't know what she does on Ambien anyway, and c) a combination.
I can't keep doing this but there's no one else. I'm...just so very bone weary from all her drama. I want to be happy again, even just briefly. I don't see that happening anytime soon, though. Hell, happy isn't even a vocab word I know. My student loans are pretty much keeping us afloat right now with her only bringing in less than $2,000 a month based on her property payments.
I just...can't.