Really deep down...it's still a bog of shit.
I'm going to my aunt's tomorrow evening. She needs someone around, and I think she wants it. Actually, I made her tell me that. Not because of an ego-trip, but so that she understood, I was doing it for her because she asked. It wasn't just a random spend the night. I just got back last night. Anyway, the mom in question in my godmom, really.
See, she knows I'm going to be going to my aunt's, understands why. But apparently my whole life should revolve around her needs first. How did I come to this conclusion, pray tell? Well, the fact she's going to get me up at 10 in order to go get groceries and liquor for party dishes to take to the family dinner on Sunday. The mail, too. Since they lost what they hijacked. Assholes. Anyway, so she has all this planned out, knowing I need to sleep in order to keep my temper in check. Without the proper rest, I'm a cranky bitch. Plus, it's not cheap doing this for my aunt. Gas, drinks, food. It all depletes my already small money. So, my mom has decided to take me along. Okay, then she's going to buy my drinks, my food to take to my aunt's. I don't eat from aunt's kitchen because she has roaches. I don't do bugs.
I just get so frustrated by her self-centric view. She has me to do all this crap for her, which normally I wouldn't mind, but on the day I need to conserve and do shit, I'm not allowed. I hate that I'm willing to be nice, and bend over backwards to help. I can't stand up to my godmom because she pouts and acts like a toddler. I have enough stress in my life, no need to add more.
I just wish that people in my life would stop acting like assholes and remember that I'm a person, too.
In other news, I would so adopt a dog at the Humane Society in my county. They have a purebred Yorkie that you can adopt for only 95, if you're chosen. God, I wish I had my own place, job, animals. I just..need my own space. The more I'm around people, the more I realize that. I don't like being in someone else's space. I want to be in my own room, to be able to do things my way. But first I need a job. I just...want to be free, to be my own person. I'm tired of having to live up to everyone's expectations. Why shouldn't they do the same for me, for once? Why is that no one is willing to fight for me?