No, it really hasn't been a good run at all. Especially added to the fact, I want to be out on my own and nothing in my life is going in that order to make it happen. A steady job, better credit, education (read: degree)...all things I don't have. So I'm stuck in idle, and I hate that. I want more.
hate the whole because you don't have a job thing you can do this...that reasoning grows so old so fast.
Oh, god does it ever. You know the fucked up part is that I would have a job if my mom hadn't made me quit it because for the month that she'd have to cart me around didn't fit into her schedule, therefore I had to quit on the spot and ruin a perfectly good reference. So I'm screwed so much right now, and it's essentially my mom's fault. I was being responsible and not driving when I was blacking out and punished for it. I'm really tired of being punished for being bright enough to know my limits.
Big hugs and promise me you'll look after YOURSELF as much as possible because this much bad feeling and stress is not good.
I'll do my best. It screws up my blood sugar, and that's never good. It makes me yo-yo which makes me grumpy the next day because of what my body has to go through to regulate. I can tell you that's not pretty. My next check up is going to be so bad. This stress is wrecking havoc on my body. I feel so tired, like no energy to do anything, much less job search. But I need to do better because I have a check up in less than a month and if I'm out of control, the doc will not be happy. I don't want to piss her off. She makes sure I don't feel crappy. *sighs* Stress is killer for me, though. I slide into depression more easily during it, and that's not good for me.
You know what sucks internet huggage, it just isn't the same as being able to bear hug someone and promise it will evenutally get better.
Being stuck in a puddle of shit (pardon the expression) is never ever ever fun but at least this is temporary and once things start falling into place. (You're way overdue for a boat load of good things!) Life will pick up one bit at a time, it's the slowness and obvious frustration that really gnaws at you.
But seriously, if you ever need to rant or rave at someone, I'm here. I always feel better once, I've just been able to blah it all out there. I do feel sorry for the poor person on the other end because, I have a ramble habit and things tend to make little sense when I get hyper.
You're such a fantastic, amazing and strong person and you've got the weird quirkiness like me that I know you'll come out of this kicking ass. But I know that doesn't really help in the now so all I can do is offer support and these damn internet *hugs*!
Well, the effort counts though, so that's a plus. It's more than what most people offer to give me around here, meaning the people physically in my life.
I wish I was in store for some good things. I need them, but I don't see them coming soon. I just updated with my wishes, of what I really want. It's starting to really embed deep into me. Every time something good happens, there's a negative added to it. I want to be further in my life, I want to be happy, even just a little.
I'm bad about internalizing my feelings, but it comes from living in my hellish house. Emotions are weakness points, it's hard for me to just...let it out. It's not a good thing.
I have strength out the wahzoo, unfortunately it doesn't help me right now. You know? I have the strength to survive, but I want more out of life than to just survive. I deserve more.
hate the whole because you don't have a job thing you can do this...that reasoning grows so old so fast.
Oh, god does it ever. You know the fucked up part is that I would have a job if my mom hadn't made me quit it because for the month that she'd have to cart me around didn't fit into her schedule, therefore I had to quit on the spot and ruin a perfectly good reference. So I'm screwed so much right now, and it's essentially my mom's fault. I was being responsible and not driving when I was blacking out and punished for it. I'm really tired of being punished for being bright enough to know my limits.
Big hugs and promise me you'll look after YOURSELF as much as possible because this much bad feeling and stress is not good.
I'll do my best. It screws up my blood sugar, and that's never good. It makes me yo-yo which makes me grumpy the next day because of what my body has to go through to regulate. I can tell you that's not pretty. My next check up is going to be so bad. This stress is wrecking havoc on my body. I feel so tired, like no energy to do anything, much less job search. But I need to do better because I have a check up in less than a month and if I'm out of control, the doc will not be happy. I don't want to piss her off. She makes sure I don't feel crappy. *sighs* Stress is killer for me, though. I slide into depression more easily during it, and that's not good for me.
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Being stuck in a puddle of shit (pardon the expression) is never ever ever fun but at least this is temporary and once things start falling into place. (You're way overdue for a boat load of good things!) Life will pick up one bit at a time, it's the slowness and obvious frustration that really gnaws at you.
But seriously, if you ever need to rant or rave at someone, I'm here. I always feel better once, I've just been able to blah it all out there. I do feel sorry for the poor person on the other end because, I have a ramble habit and things tend to make little sense when I get hyper.
You're such a fantastic, amazing and strong person and you've got the weird quirkiness like me that I know you'll come out of this kicking ass. But I know that doesn't really help in the now so all I can do is offer support and these damn internet *hugs*!
Reply
I wish I was in store for some good things. I need them, but I don't see them coming soon. I just updated with my wishes, of what I really want. It's starting to really embed deep into me. Every time something good happens, there's a negative added to it. I want to be further in my life, I want to be happy, even just a little.
I'm bad about internalizing my feelings, but it comes from living in my hellish house. Emotions are weakness points, it's hard for me to just...let it out. It's not a good thing.
I have strength out the wahzoo, unfortunately it doesn't help me right now. You know? I have the strength to survive, but I want more out of life than to just survive. I deserve more.
Reply
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