My Dad: Update #13
From yesterday to today, it feels as if so much time has passed.
My Mom did go check out that facility in Montara. She didn't like it. Didn't care for how it smells. She's gotten the numbers of two different agencies who will send her women to interview. She's asked me to join her in the process.
There is this HUGE part of me which wants to run, screaming, far away from all of this. There are moments when I can feel myself pulling back a little. Observing as if I'm not really a part of it. Distancing myself. Barricading myself away from all the awkwardness, sadness and pain. Classifying and compartmentalizing.
This isn't my heart being segmented.
During these times, when I am honored to be fully aware, I remind myself that these moments are authentic. Years from now, I will want to remember everything: all the pain, all the sadness, every single second of everything that's happening RIGHT NOW.
My Mom did go check out that facility in Montara. She didn't like it. Didn't care for how it smells. She's gotten the numbers of two different agencies who will send her women to interview. She's asked me to join her in the process.
There is this HUGE part of me which wants to run, screaming, far away from all of this. There are moments when I can feel myself pulling back a little. Observing as if I'm not really a part of it. Distancing myself. Barricading myself away from all the awkwardness, sadness and pain. Classifying and compartmentalizing.
This isn't my heart being segmented.
During these times, when I am honored to be fully aware, I remind myself that these moments are authentic. Years from now, I will want to remember everything: all the pain, all the sadness, every single second of everything that's happening RIGHT NOW.