(no subject)
i've been thinking a bit about the end of summer and how i'm spending three weeks in a law program at Columbia in New York. and how lucky i am to have gotten accepted even with a late application, and lucky that i can afford to go to new york. and all the amazing people that i'm bound to meet, people that in some ways are probably similar to me...it´s New York, too. it´s such a big deal, that it doesn't seem real at all. like it's not really going to happen. i guess it won't stop feeling like a dream until i'm settled in my dorm :)
i hope those three weeks change me. not ME exactly, but the way i tend to see things. i hope they give me substance for whatever it is that i'll accomplish senior year. though i just want to get that year over as quickly as possible and get away from Miami, from some of the people that remind me of things that i've done as well as thing they've done. it's supposed to be "home" but, like brian and i agreed yesterday, Buenos Aires is always going to be more home than Miami could ever be, even though technically we both grew up in Doral. it's the way everything is here, i don't know, unexplainable. a lot warmer and more open. yesterday brian told me that i had the power of being intimidating, and before i could get offended he said that that was a good thing. i know that he's right, i CAN be intimidating, but i've never really stopped to evaluate how that is a good or a bad characteristic. i don't care. it's just the way i am, that's it...not to mention that in many occassions I'VE felt intimidated by others. i guess it's human nautre, but when i go to buenos aires everyone is exactly like me. i guess that's the best way i can explain that city. i bond with it, i become it. like a solvent in water. people are ready for change, they accept it, live with it, laugh at it.
going to Mexico is going to be another experience, only four days after i arrive in miami from Bs. Aires. seeing that little town and maybe making a difference in those kids' lives. i hope that is a shock, and that it affects me and teaches me something new.
i keep thinking of brian and not having him there for my senior year. i'm really terrified of being without him. i hate it. i want to move to Buenos Aires with my mom and get an apartment "that looks out to la 9 de Julio" and study over there and be happy. and even if i don't get back together with brian (we broke up way before going to Argentina), i'd want to be best friends forever.
that's really all for now. i'm kind of taken aback and hurt by something i noticed so no more writing, a bit more sulking. don't WANT to write about it either, or think about it at all...it couldn't have been mere coincidence, there was cruelty in it. some people are so bitter.
i hope those three weeks change me. not ME exactly, but the way i tend to see things. i hope they give me substance for whatever it is that i'll accomplish senior year. though i just want to get that year over as quickly as possible and get away from Miami, from some of the people that remind me of things that i've done as well as thing they've done. it's supposed to be "home" but, like brian and i agreed yesterday, Buenos Aires is always going to be more home than Miami could ever be, even though technically we both grew up in Doral. it's the way everything is here, i don't know, unexplainable. a lot warmer and more open. yesterday brian told me that i had the power of being intimidating, and before i could get offended he said that that was a good thing. i know that he's right, i CAN be intimidating, but i've never really stopped to evaluate how that is a good or a bad characteristic. i don't care. it's just the way i am, that's it...not to mention that in many occassions I'VE felt intimidated by others. i guess it's human nautre, but when i go to buenos aires everyone is exactly like me. i guess that's the best way i can explain that city. i bond with it, i become it. like a solvent in water. people are ready for change, they accept it, live with it, laugh at it.
going to Mexico is going to be another experience, only four days after i arrive in miami from Bs. Aires. seeing that little town and maybe making a difference in those kids' lives. i hope that is a shock, and that it affects me and teaches me something new.
i keep thinking of brian and not having him there for my senior year. i'm really terrified of being without him. i hate it. i want to move to Buenos Aires with my mom and get an apartment "that looks out to la 9 de Julio" and study over there and be happy. and even if i don't get back together with brian (we broke up way before going to Argentina), i'd want to be best friends forever.
that's really all for now. i'm kind of taken aback and hurt by something i noticed so no more writing, a bit more sulking. don't WANT to write about it either, or think about it at all...it couldn't have been mere coincidence, there was cruelty in it. some people are so bitter.