Shaks bday
I honestly just dont know what i want anymore. Im so fucking alone and i feel alone and i look around and i am and its too damn hard.
Even when im happy im sad. ANd then im sad and im just sad.
And everything seems to make sense and then it doesnt and its like right when i catch up to everything and everyone someone pulls the rug from beneath me and im sent falling behind again.
And i just have to tell myself before seeing the few friends i have to be fun, be fun you have to be fun. Dont be you no dont be you.
ANd then i pretend but i pretend wrong and im not me but im not who i wanna be and then i get mad that no one knows me.
ANd im tired. ANd im mad. And im sad. And i dont know what to do now and how to create a path for myself.
____________
Yesterday was shaks bday dinner, we went to a resteraunt outside c.walk and then walked around and there was this concert that we went to there. I ate too much and wasnt fun.
I dont wanna sound all stuck up and all im too old for them now cause i turned 17, but hell. They were acting so immature, they went up to people who were attractive and acted all weird and i was literally embarressed to be with them. it was raz, shak, my sis, shaks friend, shaks cousin and nat. I had some fun, i did, but hell i felt so out of my age group they acted so immature at times. ANd im okay with letting loose and having fun, but theres a line to totally immature and fun. We arent 12 year old girls.
Um k and so also when we were next to the stage shak was like dancing but really weirdly and jokingly but like she was insane and you know sure it would be funny but idk it was stupid. And so me and my sis like walked away to another part of the stage and this guy came up and was like can i introduce you to my two friends and i would be fUn about that if my sis wasnt there and if they werent so young. They looked like they were 14 years old, like they would be attractive if they were like 4 years older.
it was all really weird.
ugh and todays shaks actual birthday and i have to be with her now again.
The whole day tho i was upset. I do wish those guys were older and my sis wasnt near me then and that i was with nat or something. CAuse i want that you know.
I justs dont know anymore.
Ugh
Even when im happy im sad. ANd then im sad and im just sad.
And everything seems to make sense and then it doesnt and its like right when i catch up to everything and everyone someone pulls the rug from beneath me and im sent falling behind again.
And i just have to tell myself before seeing the few friends i have to be fun, be fun you have to be fun. Dont be you no dont be you.
ANd then i pretend but i pretend wrong and im not me but im not who i wanna be and then i get mad that no one knows me.
ANd im tired. ANd im mad. And im sad. And i dont know what to do now and how to create a path for myself.
____________
Yesterday was shaks bday dinner, we went to a resteraunt outside c.walk and then walked around and there was this concert that we went to there. I ate too much and wasnt fun.
I dont wanna sound all stuck up and all im too old for them now cause i turned 17, but hell. They were acting so immature, they went up to people who were attractive and acted all weird and i was literally embarressed to be with them. it was raz, shak, my sis, shaks friend, shaks cousin and nat. I had some fun, i did, but hell i felt so out of my age group they acted so immature at times. ANd im okay with letting loose and having fun, but theres a line to totally immature and fun. We arent 12 year old girls.
Um k and so also when we were next to the stage shak was like dancing but really weirdly and jokingly but like she was insane and you know sure it would be funny but idk it was stupid. And so me and my sis like walked away to another part of the stage and this guy came up and was like can i introduce you to my two friends and i would be fUn about that if my sis wasnt there and if they werent so young. They looked like they were 14 years old, like they would be attractive if they were like 4 years older.
it was all really weird.
ugh and todays shaks actual birthday and i have to be with her now again.
The whole day tho i was upset. I do wish those guys were older and my sis wasnt near me then and that i was with nat or something. CAuse i want that you know.
I justs dont know anymore.
Ugh