(no subject)
This day...it seemed never ending. The day started yesterday, 6 am, as it had so many times in the past. A day where I awaken wishing there was more to my life and then rush off to the school where I try to empart some form of training into Buffy then go about my day of cataloguing texts that the students had returned. It seemed to be a normal day, however I didn't count on how it ended.
The end of this day, a simple locking of the library doors and making my way home. What stopped me was the light still on in Jenny's class room. It seemed as if it were an oversight that needed be remedied, but upon closer examination I found she was still in there. Part of me cheered the moment she informed me that Buffy had spoken to her, told her that I missed her, but on the surface I did not allow it to show. On the surface I called Buffy a meddlesome child. I couldn't bare to show the elation that filled my mind at the thought I no longer had to be marginally loyal to Buffy and keep my distance from the one woman that I adored more than Buffy, not that I would ever admit to that either, aside from telling Jenny herself.
No matter how elated I was at this discovery, something bothered me. She said she had a surprise for me, and that she would come by once she had finalized it, however something inside my body told me not to leave her there alone. I again can't explain how thrilled I am that I actually listened to that voice in my head, had I not Jenny wouldn't be here this very morning, but part of me wishes I had pulled her from that building the moment I found her still there. I can't complain, it would be insane to complain that she is alive, however I wish she was more alive? I don't think it works that way.
As I watch her sleep within my arms of protection I have to ignore my questions. The small voice in my head tells me to be thankful she is in my arms and safe. I am thakful. I am beyond grateful that I again have a second chance to show her how much I adore her and I have tasked myself to prove this to her. In my shock and confusion over the events of the last 24 hours I fear I confused her with my actions. I am not insane by a long shot, however my actions could have shown otherwise. None of this matters, none of the past 24 hours matters, aside from the elation of being able to save her from him. What matters is my new mission to prove my love for her.
In my mind I had the plan to prepare her a lovely meal, light some candles, and even play a bit of romantic music. Everything was going to be perfect and it would all be prepared for her while she slept. She would awaken to me carrying her into a bath, perhaps filled with scented water and rose petals, she would then get dressed and I would lead her to a beautifully set up table with a well prepared meal, this would inevitably lead to whatever she wishes for. I would leave the remainder of the events to her desires. As I told her before she fell asleep, I wouldn't dare push her into something she is not ready for and I won't. The whole evening will be in her hands, I am only the guide per say.
Now all I had to do was make this happen. Once she was sound asleep I had the oppertunity, the oppertunity to make atleast one fantesy come true.
The end of this day, a simple locking of the library doors and making my way home. What stopped me was the light still on in Jenny's class room. It seemed as if it were an oversight that needed be remedied, but upon closer examination I found she was still in there. Part of me cheered the moment she informed me that Buffy had spoken to her, told her that I missed her, but on the surface I did not allow it to show. On the surface I called Buffy a meddlesome child. I couldn't bare to show the elation that filled my mind at the thought I no longer had to be marginally loyal to Buffy and keep my distance from the one woman that I adored more than Buffy, not that I would ever admit to that either, aside from telling Jenny herself.
No matter how elated I was at this discovery, something bothered me. She said she had a surprise for me, and that she would come by once she had finalized it, however something inside my body told me not to leave her there alone. I again can't explain how thrilled I am that I actually listened to that voice in my head, had I not Jenny wouldn't be here this very morning, but part of me wishes I had pulled her from that building the moment I found her still there. I can't complain, it would be insane to complain that she is alive, however I wish she was more alive? I don't think it works that way.
As I watch her sleep within my arms of protection I have to ignore my questions. The small voice in my head tells me to be thankful she is in my arms and safe. I am thakful. I am beyond grateful that I again have a second chance to show her how much I adore her and I have tasked myself to prove this to her. In my shock and confusion over the events of the last 24 hours I fear I confused her with my actions. I am not insane by a long shot, however my actions could have shown otherwise. None of this matters, none of the past 24 hours matters, aside from the elation of being able to save her from him. What matters is my new mission to prove my love for her.
In my mind I had the plan to prepare her a lovely meal, light some candles, and even play a bit of romantic music. Everything was going to be perfect and it would all be prepared for her while she slept. She would awaken to me carrying her into a bath, perhaps filled with scented water and rose petals, she would then get dressed and I would lead her to a beautifully set up table with a well prepared meal, this would inevitably lead to whatever she wishes for. I would leave the remainder of the events to her desires. As I told her before she fell asleep, I wouldn't dare push her into something she is not ready for and I won't. The whole evening will be in her hands, I am only the guide per say.
Now all I had to do was make this happen. Once she was sound asleep I had the oppertunity, the oppertunity to make atleast one fantesy come true.