Rejected Fic: Merlin/Arthur
I got too involved in this week's Happy Endings fic and went over the word limit, so I can post it before the voting's over -- it has a Romantic Picnic, fairies, and a happy ending.
Today, Arthur was going to surprise his manservant. So much for Merlin's digs about his insensitivity. Today was going to be spent in Romance! Let's see the ungrateful git complain about his treatment after the day Arthur had planned.
He threw back the bedcovers. First, he'd set the table for breakfast before Merlin got up! He tossed his nightshirt onto the bed and reached for his trousers. He froze.
"MERLIN!"
Pounding footsteps, then Merlin's head peeked around the door.
Arthur turned to him in horror. "Merlin, I've got blue balls!"
Merlin rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Arthur, as if anybody would believe that old wives' tale nowadays. If you want some attention, just ask."
"NO!" Arthur frantically beckoned him into the room. "No, I mean they're BLUE!"
Merlin came closer, a puzzled expression on his face. He glanced down. He let out what sounded suspiciously like a snort of amusement, which he quickly changed into a cough. He walked around Arthur, examining him from all angles.
"They do seem to be blue. A nice, bright blue, too."
"What should I do?"
Merlin glanced at him and evidently decided that his anxiety was genuine, for he sighed. "Arthur, it looks like ordinary paint to me, though how you managed to dip your balls into a pail of paint is beyond me."
"Paint?" Arthur whirled to look into the mirror again. This time, he stepped closer, examining himself with some trepidation. "I didn't go near any paint, Merlin. I went straight to sleep after you left last night."
Merlin, busy hauling the copper bath into the center of the room, merely nodded. "You'll feel better after a bath and a breakfast," he said.
Breakfast! Blast, how was he going to set up a romantic breakfast if Merlin was already awake? He schemed as Merlin filled the bath, and then decided on a plan of action.
"Merlin, you should go get breakfast while I bath. I'm starving." Merlin started to argue, and Arthur put on his best Spoiled-Prince pout. "I'm STARVING, Merlin!"
"Fine." He rolled his eyes again and stomped off.
As soon as the door closed, Arthur stepped out of the tub and went to work. He'd only have a few minutes. He got out his best tablecloth, and the silver candlesticks. Last night, he'd not exactly gone straight to sleep: he'd snuck downstairs to pick a handful of flowers from the garden. He arranged these into a bowl at the center of the table.
When he heard Merlin's footsteps in the hallway, he jumped back into the tub and had a quick wash. At least the blue washed away!
"You're in luck," Merlin said, closing the door behind him with one foot. "Cook had just made a pot of your favourite--"
Afterward, Arthur was never quite certain what happened first. He only remembered a flurry of disaster. Merlin tripped --- over something, the man hardly needed anything at all to make him clumsy -- and the breakfast tray flew from his hands. Arthur had stood up in the tub, just in time for his favourite fruity oatmeal to intersect with his crotch. He flung out an arm to catch his manservant, and hit the edge of the table. The candles tipped over, setting his best tablecloth on fire. Merlin, caught between a Prince with hot oatmeal on his family jewels, and a blazing breakfast table, grabbed the bowl of flowers and flung the water over the table, splashing Arthur as well.
Arthur stood for a moment, looking at his Romantic Breakfast scattered over the floor. He pried as much oatmeal off his crotch as he could, then reached over to extinguish a smoldering corner of his tablecloth. He said nothing.
Merlin had flushed as red as his kerchief, but he grinned at Arthur. "At least you got the paint off. I was going to offer you a little attention later, but you need cleaning off now."
Merlin was never clumsy when he really wanted something, Arthur had noticed, and he did seem to want Arthur's cock most of the time. He knelt gracefully, and licked the royal scepter clean. Arthur tried to pout, because his plans had been totally ruined -- again -- by his clumsy servant, but he gave in when Merlin inhaled his rod and really started working.
After a second bath, he started scheming. Breakfast was a right mess. Perhaps he could do a Romantic Picnic instead. He thudded downstairs and asked Cook to put up a basket.
"I really should be cleaning your armor," Merlin said for the third time as he sipped the wine Arthur had chosen. Honestly, didn't the man have a romantic bone in his body? Arthur leaned over to feed him a strawberry, and his hand slipped on a pat of butter that had somehow dropped to the blanket. He ended up with his face in the clotted cream.
Merlin stared at Arthur, his eyes wide. Arthur frowned.
"Just ... don't say a word, Merlin." Arthur swiped most of the cream off his face, and sighed. So much for the Romantic Picnic.
"But Arthur..."
"Quiet. My day is not going according to plan. I have to go back to the room and regroup."
They collected the leftovers and returned to the castle. Arthur threw himself into his comfy chair and plotted. Maybe it was time to go full out with the romance. He could try to find some chocolates -- Morgana should have a few hidden away somewhere -- maybe some scented massage oils.
He was just setting the blackened candlesticks onto the slightly singed table when the door flew inwards, propelling Merlin into the bedroom. Arthur frowned.
"Piskies!"
"Merlin?"
"I saw something floating around you at lunch. Gaius says you're infested with piskies! They're mischievous fairies."
Arthur rose slowly. "Do you mean all this chaos has been...."
"Piskie mischief, yes." Merlin closed the door and scratched his head. "I don't understand how they got in, though. Gaius says they usually leave people alone unless one of their night-time parties is interrupted."
Arthur's eyes widened. The flower garden had seemed unusually well-lit last night. "How do I get rid of them?"
Merlin gave him a speculative look. "It involves magic. Gaius looked it up in an old book."
Arthur stiffened. "Then I'll just have to wait the little beggars out." He arranged the chocolates and leftover strawberries onto a plate. "They'll get bored soon enough and go bother somebody else."
Wouldn't they?
"At any rate, I wanted to ask you something, Merlin." Arthur tugged him to the bed and sat down. He stared up into the blue eyes. "Merlin, I--"
Percival peered around the door. "Arthur, should we hold the next tourney in one month or two months?"
"What?" Arthur and Merlin both turned to stare. "Two months, I suppose."
Percival closed the door, and Arthur looked back at Merlin. "I'd like--"
Another knock. "Sire, what will you be wanting for nuncheon next week?"
Arthur stared at the door in astonishment. "Whatever you have on hand will be fine!" he bellowed. He glanced back at Merlin, who was trying not to giggle.
"Merlin, what I wanted was--"
"Arthur, did I leave my knife in here yesterday?" Morgana stuck her head into the room. She saw the two of them, and did giggle. "You should put a sign on the door," she said, closing it again.
Arthur looked up at his servant. "What's the spell?"
Merlin grinned. "Well, first you have to take off all your clothes. Everybody knows that real magic is done when you're skyclad."
"Naked. Right."
Arthur slowly stripped, all too aware that Merlin was enjoying the impromptu show. Merlin tugged him over to the wall.
"Now, you have to hop around the room on one foot, while you recite the magical spell."
Arthur put hands on hips and glared.
Merlin tilted his head. "I'm just telling you what that old book said! Hop on one foot because it confuses the piskies while you recite the spell that banishes them."
"Fine. What's the bloody spell?"
"You say 'Owha Tagoo Siam' seven times. If the piskies still seem to be here after that, you do it again for another seven."
It was hard enough hopping on one foot, naked, with his package flopping up and down. Hopping while mumbling magical nonsense was ridiculous. Arthur made it around once, whereupon Merlin pronounced that he still felt malevolent magical energy, and sent Arthur on another round of the room. Arthur collapsed onto the bed.
"If that didn't do it," he mumbled. "I'm just going to live with the things."
Merlin climbed up beside him, dusting something off his hands. "I'm sure that did the trick," he said. He lowered his head and nuzzled Arthur's neck.
Arthur stiffened in outrage, and sat bolt upright. "Oh what a goose I am?! You've been having me hop around naked yelling I was an idiot!"
He rounded on his servant. Merlin grinned.
"And I've still got the damned piskies. That was no magical spell!"
Merlin shrugged. "No, but Gaius said the smell of gorse and dill weed should drive them off, so I sprinkled some in the corners while you were dancing about."
Arthur stared at the man in disbelief. "Do you mean to tell me that I've been prancing about for the last half hour for your bloody amusement?"
"Well, exercise is good for you, Arthur. You've spent the whole day sulking in here."
That did it! Arthur grabbed Merlin and wrestled him to the mattress. "I've spent the whole day planning a bloody Romantic Experience for you, dammit! And you're damn well going to appreciate it if I have to beat it into you."
He reached for the massage oil.
"Now get those clothes off, you horrid servant. I'll teach you to practice magic around me!"
Merlin grinned and shrugged off his tunic. Arthur watched him strip, one eyebrow raised in speculation.
"Put the kerchief back on," he finally said. "I kind of like it."
My pals berealexander and pipmudturtle helped me think of things that could go wrong, too. Thanks, guys -- sorry I let the team down!
On another note, we went to see "Captain America" yesterday. I have only four words: Cap/Bucky Slash -- so canon!
Is anybody else's LJ connection wonky today? I barely managed to get on in time for dinner!
Today, Arthur was going to surprise his manservant. So much for Merlin's digs about his insensitivity. Today was going to be spent in Romance! Let's see the ungrateful git complain about his treatment after the day Arthur had planned.
He threw back the bedcovers. First, he'd set the table for breakfast before Merlin got up! He tossed his nightshirt onto the bed and reached for his trousers. He froze.
"MERLIN!"
Pounding footsteps, then Merlin's head peeked around the door.
Arthur turned to him in horror. "Merlin, I've got blue balls!"
Merlin rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Arthur, as if anybody would believe that old wives' tale nowadays. If you want some attention, just ask."
"NO!" Arthur frantically beckoned him into the room. "No, I mean they're BLUE!"
Merlin came closer, a puzzled expression on his face. He glanced down. He let out what sounded suspiciously like a snort of amusement, which he quickly changed into a cough. He walked around Arthur, examining him from all angles.
"They do seem to be blue. A nice, bright blue, too."
"What should I do?"
Merlin glanced at him and evidently decided that his anxiety was genuine, for he sighed. "Arthur, it looks like ordinary paint to me, though how you managed to dip your balls into a pail of paint is beyond me."
"Paint?" Arthur whirled to look into the mirror again. This time, he stepped closer, examining himself with some trepidation. "I didn't go near any paint, Merlin. I went straight to sleep after you left last night."
Merlin, busy hauling the copper bath into the center of the room, merely nodded. "You'll feel better after a bath and a breakfast," he said.
Breakfast! Blast, how was he going to set up a romantic breakfast if Merlin was already awake? He schemed as Merlin filled the bath, and then decided on a plan of action.
"Merlin, you should go get breakfast while I bath. I'm starving." Merlin started to argue, and Arthur put on his best Spoiled-Prince pout. "I'm STARVING, Merlin!"
"Fine." He rolled his eyes again and stomped off.
As soon as the door closed, Arthur stepped out of the tub and went to work. He'd only have a few minutes. He got out his best tablecloth, and the silver candlesticks. Last night, he'd not exactly gone straight to sleep: he'd snuck downstairs to pick a handful of flowers from the garden. He arranged these into a bowl at the center of the table.
When he heard Merlin's footsteps in the hallway, he jumped back into the tub and had a quick wash. At least the blue washed away!
"You're in luck," Merlin said, closing the door behind him with one foot. "Cook had just made a pot of your favourite--"
Afterward, Arthur was never quite certain what happened first. He only remembered a flurry of disaster. Merlin tripped --- over something, the man hardly needed anything at all to make him clumsy -- and the breakfast tray flew from his hands. Arthur had stood up in the tub, just in time for his favourite fruity oatmeal to intersect with his crotch. He flung out an arm to catch his manservant, and hit the edge of the table. The candles tipped over, setting his best tablecloth on fire. Merlin, caught between a Prince with hot oatmeal on his family jewels, and a blazing breakfast table, grabbed the bowl of flowers and flung the water over the table, splashing Arthur as well.
Arthur stood for a moment, looking at his Romantic Breakfast scattered over the floor. He pried as much oatmeal off his crotch as he could, then reached over to extinguish a smoldering corner of his tablecloth. He said nothing.
Merlin had flushed as red as his kerchief, but he grinned at Arthur. "At least you got the paint off. I was going to offer you a little attention later, but you need cleaning off now."
Merlin was never clumsy when he really wanted something, Arthur had noticed, and he did seem to want Arthur's cock most of the time. He knelt gracefully, and licked the royal scepter clean. Arthur tried to pout, because his plans had been totally ruined -- again -- by his clumsy servant, but he gave in when Merlin inhaled his rod and really started working.
After a second bath, he started scheming. Breakfast was a right mess. Perhaps he could do a Romantic Picnic instead. He thudded downstairs and asked Cook to put up a basket.
"I really should be cleaning your armor," Merlin said for the third time as he sipped the wine Arthur had chosen. Honestly, didn't the man have a romantic bone in his body? Arthur leaned over to feed him a strawberry, and his hand slipped on a pat of butter that had somehow dropped to the blanket. He ended up with his face in the clotted cream.
Merlin stared at Arthur, his eyes wide. Arthur frowned.
"Just ... don't say a word, Merlin." Arthur swiped most of the cream off his face, and sighed. So much for the Romantic Picnic.
"But Arthur..."
"Quiet. My day is not going according to plan. I have to go back to the room and regroup."
They collected the leftovers and returned to the castle. Arthur threw himself into his comfy chair and plotted. Maybe it was time to go full out with the romance. He could try to find some chocolates -- Morgana should have a few hidden away somewhere -- maybe some scented massage oils.
He was just setting the blackened candlesticks onto the slightly singed table when the door flew inwards, propelling Merlin into the bedroom. Arthur frowned.
"Piskies!"
"Merlin?"
"I saw something floating around you at lunch. Gaius says you're infested with piskies! They're mischievous fairies."
Arthur rose slowly. "Do you mean all this chaos has been...."
"Piskie mischief, yes." Merlin closed the door and scratched his head. "I don't understand how they got in, though. Gaius says they usually leave people alone unless one of their night-time parties is interrupted."
Arthur's eyes widened. The flower garden had seemed unusually well-lit last night. "How do I get rid of them?"
Merlin gave him a speculative look. "It involves magic. Gaius looked it up in an old book."
Arthur stiffened. "Then I'll just have to wait the little beggars out." He arranged the chocolates and leftover strawberries onto a plate. "They'll get bored soon enough and go bother somebody else."
Wouldn't they?
"At any rate, I wanted to ask you something, Merlin." Arthur tugged him to the bed and sat down. He stared up into the blue eyes. "Merlin, I--"
Percival peered around the door. "Arthur, should we hold the next tourney in one month or two months?"
"What?" Arthur and Merlin both turned to stare. "Two months, I suppose."
Percival closed the door, and Arthur looked back at Merlin. "I'd like--"
Another knock. "Sire, what will you be wanting for nuncheon next week?"
Arthur stared at the door in astonishment. "Whatever you have on hand will be fine!" he bellowed. He glanced back at Merlin, who was trying not to giggle.
"Merlin, what I wanted was--"
"Arthur, did I leave my knife in here yesterday?" Morgana stuck her head into the room. She saw the two of them, and did giggle. "You should put a sign on the door," she said, closing it again.
Arthur looked up at his servant. "What's the spell?"
Merlin grinned. "Well, first you have to take off all your clothes. Everybody knows that real magic is done when you're skyclad."
"Naked. Right."
Arthur slowly stripped, all too aware that Merlin was enjoying the impromptu show. Merlin tugged him over to the wall.
"Now, you have to hop around the room on one foot, while you recite the magical spell."
Arthur put hands on hips and glared.
Merlin tilted his head. "I'm just telling you what that old book said! Hop on one foot because it confuses the piskies while you recite the spell that banishes them."
"Fine. What's the bloody spell?"
"You say 'Owha Tagoo Siam' seven times. If the piskies still seem to be here after that, you do it again for another seven."
It was hard enough hopping on one foot, naked, with his package flopping up and down. Hopping while mumbling magical nonsense was ridiculous. Arthur made it around once, whereupon Merlin pronounced that he still felt malevolent magical energy, and sent Arthur on another round of the room. Arthur collapsed onto the bed.
"If that didn't do it," he mumbled. "I'm just going to live with the things."
Merlin climbed up beside him, dusting something off his hands. "I'm sure that did the trick," he said. He lowered his head and nuzzled Arthur's neck.
Arthur stiffened in outrage, and sat bolt upright. "Oh what a goose I am?! You've been having me hop around naked yelling I was an idiot!"
He rounded on his servant. Merlin grinned.
"And I've still got the damned piskies. That was no magical spell!"
Merlin shrugged. "No, but Gaius said the smell of gorse and dill weed should drive them off, so I sprinkled some in the corners while you were dancing about."
Arthur stared at the man in disbelief. "Do you mean to tell me that I've been prancing about for the last half hour for your bloody amusement?"
"Well, exercise is good for you, Arthur. You've spent the whole day sulking in here."
That did it! Arthur grabbed Merlin and wrestled him to the mattress. "I've spent the whole day planning a bloody Romantic Experience for you, dammit! And you're damn well going to appreciate it if I have to beat it into you."
He reached for the massage oil.
"Now get those clothes off, you horrid servant. I'll teach you to practice magic around me!"
Merlin grinned and shrugged off his tunic. Arthur watched him strip, one eyebrow raised in speculation.
"Put the kerchief back on," he finally said. "I kind of like it."
My pals berealexander and pipmudturtle helped me think of things that could go wrong, too. Thanks, guys -- sorry I let the team down!
On another note, we went to see "Captain America" yesterday. I have only four words: Cap/Bucky Slash -- so canon!
Is anybody else's LJ connection wonky today? I barely managed to get on in time for dinner!