Building Heaven - Epilogue (NCIS, Tim/Tony, NC-17)
Link to master post | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue
When Tony had first split up with Jeanne, he had imagined seeing her again; what he would say, what he would do, how she would react. Mostly, it involved her forgiving him and promising that she still loved him, with a white-picket-fence happily-ever-after. What he hadn’t expected was for the feelings he’d had to be almost totally gone. He still felt something, of course - he had been so, so in love with her, and those kinds of feelings don’t just disappear, even after this long. But mostly, what he felt was sadness that it had ended so badly, that he had hurt her so much.
He couldn’t be angry at her for accusing him of murdering her father. It wasn’t exactly a nice thing for her to do, but then, considering what he’d done to her he figured he deserved it. There was so much that he wanted to say to her: that he was sorry, that he hoped that she would be happy, that she would find someone just like he had. Not that his relationship with Tim wasn’t without its pitfalls - Abby and Ducky were the only ones who knew about it. (Ducky had covered for them with Gibbs two months ago in response to a pleading look from Tony, and of course they’d had to explain straight after. Ducky’s lips had twitched in amusement, but he had declared that he was happy that they were happy, but for God’s sake be more careful because they knew what Gibbs was like with his rules.) Still, he was happier than he’d been in a long time, and he knew that his (his!) geeky little Probie had a lot to do with that.
So when Ziva had told him to go after her, and tell her what she needed to hear, he knew exactly what to do. It would hurt both of them, but in the long run it would be better for her to think that it had never been real for him. Still, her expression made him feel like the worst person ever, and he had to stand by the elevator for a few moments to gather his thoughts before returning to the squad room.
When he got back to his desk, he glanced over at Tim to reassure himself, but Tim wasn’t looking at him. Tim then proceeded to not look at him for the next few hours, and Tony was starting to worry. He couldn’t think of anything that he’d done that would piss Tim off that much, and he couldn’t just let it lie. The thought that after everything, and at this stage in their relationship, that Tim might be this mad at him for something left Tony feeling seriously uncomfortable. There was too much paperwork to be done to talk to Tim right at that moment, though, so Tony had to wait impatiently until Gibbs called it a day.
Finally, they were done, and Tony figured they could get whatever it was sorted out, but Tim left without a word to him. Stunned, Tony stared at Tim’s retreating form, watching him walk into the elevator with Ziva.
“Well?”
Tony looked up to see Gibbs standing in front of his desk, eyebrows raised. “Well what?”
Gibbs sighed, looking exasperated. “Aren’t you going to go after him to ask what’s wrong?”
Tony froze as he looked at Gibbs, realizing suddenly that Gibbs knew all about his and Tim’s relationship. Had probably known for quite a while, in fact, and why was he surprised? This was Gibbs, after all.
“Uhhh…” he managed, and Gibbs rolled his eyes, coming around to perch on the edge of Tony’s desk.
“Tony. You need to go after him and sort out whatever’s wrong, before you can’t fix it any more.”
“So, um, you know?”
“I know.” Gibbs was still staring, but Tony could see the hint of a smile. “And although you know I don’t approve of colleagues dating-”
“Rule number twelve,” Tony interjected, but Gibbs ignored him.
“-I think that you and Tim are good for each other. And it hasn’t affected your work at all. I think if you don’t sort this out, though, it might affect both of you.” The look Gibbs gave him was stern, and Tony hopped to his feet, grabbing his bag and jacket.
“Gotcha, boss.” Gibbs nodded and started to walk towards his own desk, turning back when Tony called his name. “Um. Thanks, boss.”
Gibbs just smiled and nodded, and Tony raced towards the elevator, hoping that he wasn’t too late to catch up.
Fortunately, Tim was still waiting at the bus stop when Tony drove past, and he pulled up. Tim ignored him, but Tony’d had enough. He got out of the car and walked over to where Tim stood alone, arms crossed, his whole posture defensive.
“So,” Tony said conversationally. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Tim bit out, and Tony raised an eyebrow.
“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me. You leave without a word, won’t even get in the car with me.” Tony heard his voice waver, and took a deep breath. “Did I…did I do something? Because whatever it was, I’ll fix it, I swear, just, please, Tim. Don’t shut me out.”
Tim scrubbed a hand down his face, sighing. “Look, Tony, I just. I don’t want to do this right now, okay?”
“Do what right now?” Tony asked, more than a little anxious and confused. “What are we going to be doing, Tim? What’s wrong?”
“You! This, us!” Tim yelled suddenly, and Tony felt like his heart had just cracked.
“Oh. Okay.” He began to walk towards the car, but Tim’s hand on his arm stopped him.
“No, Tony, wait. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did you mean it?” Tony asked, staring at the ground.
“I mean. Jeanne.”
Tony looked up in surprise. “What about her?”
“I saw your face when you went to talk to her. Look, if you still have feelings for her, could you just let me know now? I’d rather get it over with.” Tim’s face was a picture of abject misery, and Tony swallowed a lump in his throat.
“Tim, oh god. No.” Striding up to his boyfriend, Tony brought his hands up to Tim’s face, cupping his cheeks tenderly. “Not even close.”
“But Tony…you love her, I know you do. And if you want to go back to her, I’ll…I’ll understand.”
“Do you want me to go back to her?” Tony asked, his voice catching.
Tim said nothing for a moment, just long enough to panic Tony. But then Tim shook his head. “Of course not, Tony! I love you, you know that. But I don’t want you to stay with me if you’re in love with somebody else.”
“Oh, god, Tim.” Tony leaned his forehead against Tim’s, one hand slipping around to cup the back of Tim’s head. “I’m not. Don’t you get it yet? We’ve been together for six months, now. You should know by now how much I love you, and how much I am not going to leave you for someone I don’t even have those kinds of feelings for any more. Yes, I loved Jeanne. Yes, seeing her today was hard. But not because I still love her. Because I love you, okay?” Tim nodded, his eyes closed, and Tony kissed him quickly, not really caring who saw them. “Besides,” he said, grinning, “Gibbs said we had to work it out or he’d kick my ass.”
Tim’s eyes flew open. “Gibbs knows?”
“Apparently he’s known for a while.”
Tim laughed, and Tony couldn’t help but smile. “And he doesn’t want to kill us?”
“Nope. He said it hasn’t affected our work so far, so although in general he still disagrees with it, he’s okay with it. I think he might still give us a hard time, though.”
“Wouldn’t be Gibbs if he didn’t,” Tim said dryly.
“You got that right.” Tony laughed. “So. Will you come home with me? Please?”
Tim nodded, and Tony only just managed to stop himself from grinning like a maniac. He walked towards the car, and when he turned and saw the look on Tim’s face, he knew that this was all he had ever wanted.
_______________________
Link to master post | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue
So. Um. Questions? Comments? Please comment if you read; feedback would be much appreciated. :)
This entry was originally posted on Dreamwidth at http://velvetjinx.dreamwidth.org/115635.html. Please comment there using OpenID, if possible, please? :)
When Tony had first split up with Jeanne, he had imagined seeing her again; what he would say, what he would do, how she would react. Mostly, it involved her forgiving him and promising that she still loved him, with a white-picket-fence happily-ever-after. What he hadn’t expected was for the feelings he’d had to be almost totally gone. He still felt something, of course - he had been so, so in love with her, and those kinds of feelings don’t just disappear, even after this long. But mostly, what he felt was sadness that it had ended so badly, that he had hurt her so much.
He couldn’t be angry at her for accusing him of murdering her father. It wasn’t exactly a nice thing for her to do, but then, considering what he’d done to her he figured he deserved it. There was so much that he wanted to say to her: that he was sorry, that he hoped that she would be happy, that she would find someone just like he had. Not that his relationship with Tim wasn’t without its pitfalls - Abby and Ducky were the only ones who knew about it. (Ducky had covered for them with Gibbs two months ago in response to a pleading look from Tony, and of course they’d had to explain straight after. Ducky’s lips had twitched in amusement, but he had declared that he was happy that they were happy, but for God’s sake be more careful because they knew what Gibbs was like with his rules.) Still, he was happier than he’d been in a long time, and he knew that his (his!) geeky little Probie had a lot to do with that.
So when Ziva had told him to go after her, and tell her what she needed to hear, he knew exactly what to do. It would hurt both of them, but in the long run it would be better for her to think that it had never been real for him. Still, her expression made him feel like the worst person ever, and he had to stand by the elevator for a few moments to gather his thoughts before returning to the squad room.
When he got back to his desk, he glanced over at Tim to reassure himself, but Tim wasn’t looking at him. Tim then proceeded to not look at him for the next few hours, and Tony was starting to worry. He couldn’t think of anything that he’d done that would piss Tim off that much, and he couldn’t just let it lie. The thought that after everything, and at this stage in their relationship, that Tim might be this mad at him for something left Tony feeling seriously uncomfortable. There was too much paperwork to be done to talk to Tim right at that moment, though, so Tony had to wait impatiently until Gibbs called it a day.
Finally, they were done, and Tony figured they could get whatever it was sorted out, but Tim left without a word to him. Stunned, Tony stared at Tim’s retreating form, watching him walk into the elevator with Ziva.
“Well?”
Tony looked up to see Gibbs standing in front of his desk, eyebrows raised. “Well what?”
Gibbs sighed, looking exasperated. “Aren’t you going to go after him to ask what’s wrong?”
Tony froze as he looked at Gibbs, realizing suddenly that Gibbs knew all about his and Tim’s relationship. Had probably known for quite a while, in fact, and why was he surprised? This was Gibbs, after all.
“Uhhh…” he managed, and Gibbs rolled his eyes, coming around to perch on the edge of Tony’s desk.
“Tony. You need to go after him and sort out whatever’s wrong, before you can’t fix it any more.”
“So, um, you know?”
“I know.” Gibbs was still staring, but Tony could see the hint of a smile. “And although you know I don’t approve of colleagues dating-”
“Rule number twelve,” Tony interjected, but Gibbs ignored him.
“-I think that you and Tim are good for each other. And it hasn’t affected your work at all. I think if you don’t sort this out, though, it might affect both of you.” The look Gibbs gave him was stern, and Tony hopped to his feet, grabbing his bag and jacket.
“Gotcha, boss.” Gibbs nodded and started to walk towards his own desk, turning back when Tony called his name. “Um. Thanks, boss.”
Gibbs just smiled and nodded, and Tony raced towards the elevator, hoping that he wasn’t too late to catch up.
Fortunately, Tim was still waiting at the bus stop when Tony drove past, and he pulled up. Tim ignored him, but Tony’d had enough. He got out of the car and walked over to where Tim stood alone, arms crossed, his whole posture defensive.
“So,” Tony said conversationally. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Tim bit out, and Tony raised an eyebrow.
“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me. You leave without a word, won’t even get in the car with me.” Tony heard his voice waver, and took a deep breath. “Did I…did I do something? Because whatever it was, I’ll fix it, I swear, just, please, Tim. Don’t shut me out.”
Tim scrubbed a hand down his face, sighing. “Look, Tony, I just. I don’t want to do this right now, okay?”
“Do what right now?” Tony asked, more than a little anxious and confused. “What are we going to be doing, Tim? What’s wrong?”
“You! This, us!” Tim yelled suddenly, and Tony felt like his heart had just cracked.
“Oh. Okay.” He began to walk towards the car, but Tim’s hand on his arm stopped him.
“No, Tony, wait. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did you mean it?” Tony asked, staring at the ground.
“I mean. Jeanne.”
Tony looked up in surprise. “What about her?”
“I saw your face when you went to talk to her. Look, if you still have feelings for her, could you just let me know now? I’d rather get it over with.” Tim’s face was a picture of abject misery, and Tony swallowed a lump in his throat.
“Tim, oh god. No.” Striding up to his boyfriend, Tony brought his hands up to Tim’s face, cupping his cheeks tenderly. “Not even close.”
“But Tony…you love her, I know you do. And if you want to go back to her, I’ll…I’ll understand.”
“Do you want me to go back to her?” Tony asked, his voice catching.
Tim said nothing for a moment, just long enough to panic Tony. But then Tim shook his head. “Of course not, Tony! I love you, you know that. But I don’t want you to stay with me if you’re in love with somebody else.”
“Oh, god, Tim.” Tony leaned his forehead against Tim’s, one hand slipping around to cup the back of Tim’s head. “I’m not. Don’t you get it yet? We’ve been together for six months, now. You should know by now how much I love you, and how much I am not going to leave you for someone I don’t even have those kinds of feelings for any more. Yes, I loved Jeanne. Yes, seeing her today was hard. But not because I still love her. Because I love you, okay?” Tim nodded, his eyes closed, and Tony kissed him quickly, not really caring who saw them. “Besides,” he said, grinning, “Gibbs said we had to work it out or he’d kick my ass.”
Tim’s eyes flew open. “Gibbs knows?”
“Apparently he’s known for a while.”
Tim laughed, and Tony couldn’t help but smile. “And he doesn’t want to kill us?”
“Nope. He said it hasn’t affected our work so far, so although in general he still disagrees with it, he’s okay with it. I think he might still give us a hard time, though.”
“Wouldn’t be Gibbs if he didn’t,” Tim said dryly.
“You got that right.” Tony laughed. “So. Will you come home with me? Please?”
Tim nodded, and Tony only just managed to stop himself from grinning like a maniac. He walked towards the car, and when he turned and saw the look on Tim’s face, he knew that this was all he had ever wanted.
_______________________
Link to master post | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue
So. Um. Questions? Comments? Please comment if you read; feedback would be much appreciated. :)
This entry was originally posted on Dreamwidth at http://velvetjinx.dreamwidth.org/115635.html. Please comment there using OpenID, if possible, please? :)