the hulk movie is kind of stupid, by the way
i keep saying things like "a lot of stuff is going on" and "i have things to say" but then i never seem to write it all out. writing it down makes it real and although i thought i had gotten over this ages ago, i can't bring myself to talk openly about what's happening.
i'll try to do this like pulling off a band aid. quick so it hurts like hells but fades faster.
i'm the only one working in my house, obviously. i have been working a lot but with emptying my bank account in april [remember when i begged on the internet for help? it helped. i am still so very grateful.] all that work doesn't look like much.
we just can not get any luck [and it's childish but i honestly believed things might change a little after neil gaiman e-mailed me back. i must stop believing these people have super powers. i must stop believing that luck will rub off...] and we are still not done the house. still renovations to be done. but we called the real estate agent anyway and had her looks things over. she's a friend of my parents. we decided we'd stick our own for sale sign out until we're finished and the real estate company can do all the work for us.
except we've had four phones and one offer already. two were from real estate agencies. one tried to swindle us because he assumed if we were selling "by owner" then we just needed the cash and had to get out. and while we actually do fuck that guy for trying to take advantage of us. our real estate agent wants us to put the house on the market for 199,000. dad is really asking 197,000. this guy said he'd give us 75,000. um...no.
BUT it is a good thing. the property is valuable, it's in a great area. [which we already knew. it's why we bought it.] we have a couple coming over tomorrow evening to look at the house. they know it's not done but they don't care. we have another person coming on sunday. these are all positive things.
dad thinks it'll take 3-4 months to sell but we only have enough money left to last us 1 1/2 months.
that includes me emptying the rest of my bank account for him again. things are bad. and everything, terrifyingly, rides on if anyone will buy the house before then. i don't want to say the worst case scenario because it always comes true. nothing good ever happens to us anymore.
and yet... and yet, i still have this damn persistent hope. it can be killed but god, i don't want it to be. i don't want to be scared anymore. i don't want to cry about losing my dog every day. i don't want to confuse my puppy because he sees me crying all the time.
i'm leaving this open to the public because we're not the only family going through this. maybe someone will stumble upon my journal and say "fuck man, us too." i know a lot of people are going through hard times.
i'm going to start putting the pay pay donate button on the end of these posts again. every single cent counts. i was so excited yesterday about a roll of pennies. it's 50 fucking cents but it matters to us. it helps. everything helps.
if things aren't going that horrible for you right now, think about tossing some change my way. or just think good thoughts about us. good vibes, cash, whatever, it all helps. i really believe that.
i'll try to do this like pulling off a band aid. quick so it hurts like hells but fades faster.
i'm the only one working in my house, obviously. i have been working a lot but with emptying my bank account in april [remember when i begged on the internet for help? it helped. i am still so very grateful.] all that work doesn't look like much.
we just can not get any luck [and it's childish but i honestly believed things might change a little after neil gaiman e-mailed me back. i must stop believing these people have super powers. i must stop believing that luck will rub off...] and we are still not done the house. still renovations to be done. but we called the real estate agent anyway and had her looks things over. she's a friend of my parents. we decided we'd stick our own for sale sign out until we're finished and the real estate company can do all the work for us.
except we've had four phones and one offer already. two were from real estate agencies. one tried to swindle us because he assumed if we were selling "by owner" then we just needed the cash and had to get out. and while we actually do fuck that guy for trying to take advantage of us. our real estate agent wants us to put the house on the market for 199,000. dad is really asking 197,000. this guy said he'd give us 75,000. um...no.
BUT it is a good thing. the property is valuable, it's in a great area. [which we already knew. it's why we bought it.] we have a couple coming over tomorrow evening to look at the house. they know it's not done but they don't care. we have another person coming on sunday. these are all positive things.
dad thinks it'll take 3-4 months to sell but we only have enough money left to last us 1 1/2 months.
that includes me emptying the rest of my bank account for him again. things are bad. and everything, terrifyingly, rides on if anyone will buy the house before then. i don't want to say the worst case scenario because it always comes true. nothing good ever happens to us anymore.
and yet... and yet, i still have this damn persistent hope. it can be killed but god, i don't want it to be. i don't want to be scared anymore. i don't want to cry about losing my dog every day. i don't want to confuse my puppy because he sees me crying all the time.
i'm leaving this open to the public because we're not the only family going through this. maybe someone will stumble upon my journal and say "fuck man, us too." i know a lot of people are going through hard times.
i'm going to start putting the pay pay donate button on the end of these posts again. every single cent counts. i was so excited yesterday about a roll of pennies. it's 50 fucking cents but it matters to us. it helps. everything helps.
if things aren't going that horrible for you right now, think about tossing some change my way. or just think good thoughts about us. good vibes, cash, whatever, it all helps. i really believe that.