for "mini_nanowrimo" hence no friends lock 8
Holly liked the way the air smelled this time of the year. It was even better outside of the city. Out here you would never get big trucks driving slower than you could walk down the city blocks. Here there was a river and damp grass and mud along it. You could smell the chill in the air and see you breath when you walked. Holly liked listening to the birds and nothing else, just looking up into the trees and seeing what she could see. Holly never felt alone when she was alone out here. She thought of Disney movies where all the little forest creatures come out of the woodwork to comfort and console the heroines and heros. This wasn't exactly the same but the squirrels in the park would scamper over if she threw out a handful of peanuts into the grass.
In the summer it was different but this time of year Holly felt like all the land she walked on was hers and the animals. It was abandoned by people who didn't really like the outdoors. It was abandoned by people who would be equally as happy taking their children to McDonalds as they were taking them out for a picnic. Holly never abandoned the trails in the woods, even when the snow fell and covered them over. This would be her second year following these paths along the riverbed. She knew them as well as she knew the chords and melodies of any Stilted song. This was her home when she had no home. This was where she had no memories and no pain and no crumpled friendship and no one to love her but herself.
She wondered, not for the first time, if the baby would have been a boy or a girl. She hoped for a girl before she caught herself and realized you couldn't hope for something that didn't exist in the first place. Or had existed until she stopped it from doing so. She felt surprised by how much guilt she felt for everything else but not for this. This just felt right. She wondered if her mother had wanted a son or a daughter. She assumed, the way things had were, a son. Her aunt had always told her that she loved her like she was the daughter she never had but Holly had heard her say enough times that she had never wanted children. She said she was too selfish and that they would just hold her back from the life she was living. Holly wondered if she was selfish. She wondered if anyone saw her as selfish. Rory had said a lot of things about her in his letter, things that hurt her in their truth, but he had not called her selfish. She wondered if this would be different if she had been obsessed with motherhood and babies and a financially secure future and white picked fences and a husband-
She stopped suddenly, almost losing her balance in the slippery mud, and ripped her lime green gloves off, a gift from her aunt. She squatted down and stuck both her hands in the river. A violent shiver ran through her, the water was freezing. Holly thought it was impossible that it had frozen yet as she yanked her hands out. Nothing that cold could move so rapidly. She put her gloves back on and decided to head back. Her stomach growled and she remembered she hadn't eaten since the night before.
She cut through the empty park on the way back. She walked between the swings and left them creaking slightly in the wind. It had started to get dark now. Holly wondered what time it was and decided that next time she would bring a watch so she could time herself. She had heard everyone said she would stay out there for hours but she knew that wasn't right. She knew it was just part of the stories they told to keep their mind off the real stories of their own lives. She had hardly spoke to anyone since she spend the afternoon in the kitchen with Audrey and Charlotte. She had too much to think about to deal with petty drama although Charlotte moving to American was something she dwelled on. She was at the back door before she even knew it, anger pushed her quickly and kept her warm. He walked into the living room from the kitchen.
"Feel better?" He asked.
"Not anymore," She remarked and went up the stairs to her room, leaving a trail of wet boot prints behind her.
770 words that i am very happy with. it came easily today.