Undesirable Chapter 18

[velvet_mace]

TITLE: Undesirable (A vampire novel)
RATING: NC-17 (This chapter PG-13)
SUMMARY: Wally and Geo continue their awkward journey to try to figure out what the hell that bathroom encounter means to them.
Word Count: 5223

Comments

[jantra]

...so, yea, I've read almost this entire series now in just a short amount of time.

Holy crap, this is really good. Just like reading any other sort of good book.:3 Can't wait for more!!

[velvet_mace]

Thanks! God, I'm so glad that I can interest people in fic that doesn't have ready made characters that everyone already loves in it.

Fanfic is great, but I really love the freedom of being able to write a whole story without having to worry about someone elses "canon."

[drelfina]

ohgod. ohgod.

I LOVED their interaction. They were so cute and funny and it's like, yay for no MISTAKEN LOVE THINGS. Well, not much and it's mostly resolved and it's so adorable.

Right up till Jeffery's letter.

Woooo time to BOOGIE.

[velvet_mace]

Hee. Yeah this was my WAFFy chapter. After all that drear and horror things had to lighten up a bit.

[drelfina]

Yay for WAFF!

What does WAFF stand for anyway? (it's like, the pen-name of my brother's sortofboyfriend)

Go Georgey! RUN AWAY RUN RUN RUN

I am yet pleased that Jeffery is not TOO badly off.

[velvet_mace]

Warm and Fuzzy Feeling, aka a genre I rarely write.

Jeffrey will be just fine. Yeah, Geo and Wally will have to really work on things.

[tashasaphi]

As i say at the end of each chapter, I DIE UNTIL THERE IS MORE.

I really liked this chapter. I thought I wouldn't, but I did. It's paced very differently to most of the previous chapters. It lulls back to a comfortable, languid pace through their lovely dinner scene (it is truly charming) and then picks up and cliff hangs, you clever bean you.

If I am offering critique, I would say that the car discussion is a little over long, and could easily be reduced to improve flow, but it's really only a minor thing. It works well enough as is.

Loved it, darling! Looking forward as the plot continues to thicken!

[velvet_mace]

Yeah. Actually the entire thing could use a once over, some pacing and trimming (and a lot of commas being put in the right place.) Right now I'm going to forge forward to the end. Then I'll be better able to see what needs to expanded or pared.

This is what happens when I don't have a comfortable 5 chapter lead on what I'm posting. But I suspect people would rather I just go ahead and post as I go rather than not post for 4 months while I get ahead.

[charisstoma]

I loved the interplay between Wally and George and the letter bringing them back to earth from Jeffrey was so lover-like as to be sweet. Sweet can be bad for you.
I wonder if Wally can claim a prize back home for the return of a new and exotic white from the area head vampire. It could save him any punishment for aiding and abetting. At least George would have a chance of being within range of family and friends, maybe.

[velvet_mace]

Well that's the question: Can George and Wally get home (before someone along the way intercepts them) and when/if they do... what then?

Jeffrey has his idea of how this will all go down, but Wally and George might not make it as easy for him as he seems to think.

[okaasan59]

My heart aches for Wally, I sympathize with everything George is going through, and yet I can't wait for Jeffrey to come back and claim what is his.

[velvet_mace]

Well Jeffrey sure isn't giving up, and he's pretty damn crafty. He might just win in the end. Who knows.