Mixed feelings
Lately I'm not sure what to think. Jeff and I do not get along all that much on the phone and things are just really weird when we talk, but at the same time when we are together, in person everything is perfect. We laugh, we smile, we joke around, we're effectionate, it's like we're the perfect couple. I don't know what's going on. I met up with him yesterday before I went to work and after some bad phone conversations yesterday morning it was like none of it happened by the time we got to see each other. I don't know if it's just there is a lot of stress on our relationship right now or what. Our schedules are not working together at all, and to be quite honest I'm not sure that our realtionship will ever make it to that next level where we can be together, no questions asked. He even said it himself, he doesn't see us being together the way we want anytime soon. That was kind of hard to hear just because I've had my hopes up so high that we'd be together by the end of this year the way we both originally wanted and now I'm starting to second guess if he even wants that anymore. We did have sex yesterday and we talked for a minute last night but then today I kind of felt like he blew me off again...go figure. Honestly, our relationship has been really weird since he started riding around with Big Mike and I'm not saying it has anything to do with him, I'm just saying that's when I noticed a change. It could just be a huge coincidence that that is when things started to change. Anyway, why was Pam off of work today? Stupid fucking bitch, I hate girls who always have what I want and right now, she's the one girl I am the most envious of in the whole world. She has exactly what I want and honestly, I don't think that's going to change. My heart will be broken, of course, but hopefully with the help of my friends I'll be able to move on to better things in my life. I just don't want to move on, I really love him. I'm so torn about what to do right now I don't know if I should wait it out and hope it turns out for the best or just let things go right now and move on. It's the hardest decision I've had to make because it could actually effect the rest of my life. I just wish I didn't choose the hard relationships to be in, but it is the story of my life. Just looking forward to tomorrow, hopefully we'll actually be able to talk a little and have good conversations on the phone.
I guess things elsewhere have been kind of rocky too. Work has been sucking lately. Apparently the word seniority means nothing in the work force. Kind of funny that I've been there over a year and can't squeeze a fucking raise out of someone but Janice can get one in 3 months. Also, the whole hours thing is beginning to piss me off, but thanks to my girl Doriann, my hours have been taken care of and I now work 5 minutes away and like 5 miles from my house instead of 25 miles and 30 minutes away from my house. Doriann is an awesome boss and she takes care of me, and she's working on my raise. She gave me 40 hours for the week and I'm saving so much on gas going to and from work seeing I'm working on this side of the water now and I'll be back to having a normal life because I'm going to be working during the day from 2pm-10pm which still gives me daylight hours to do things and still time to go out at night which is awesome. Plus, with me working over here I don't think I'll have my hopes so high to see Jeff as much, with me working at the beach I was hoping he'd show up and suprise me like he used to do. I don't know, maybe I have expected way too much from this relationship. anyway...
My car is STILL in the shop. I'm going on two days without hearing anything about what's going on with it so I'm getting a little pissed, but at the same time still trying to have patience about it. I just want my car so I can go where I want when I want without having to explain where or why I'm going somewhere. My name, my car, my license, my reasons, so leave me the hell alone lol.
Well, my trip for my birthday to NYC has been postponed which I knew would somehow happen because I never get to go anywhere when I really want to go but whatever. It's going to be an awesome trip and I can't wait. It's going to be Me, Amanda, James, Eric, Annmarie, her husband Ken, and hopefully Janice will be able to go...I really want her to go lol. We'd have so much fun together. Janice and I get along so well and I think it's because we're so much alike and neither one of us get along all that well with girls lol. Me and Janice are hanging out on my birthday and going to get SHITFACED and I can't wait. Shes so much fun to hang around and then we're going to get tattoos together and she's going to go with me to get my nipple pierced since she already has it done lol and if it hurts and she lied to me I'm going to kill her. Well, that's enough for now. I'll finish updating later because I really don't feel like typing all that much anymore so SEE YA. LOL
I guess things elsewhere have been kind of rocky too. Work has been sucking lately. Apparently the word seniority means nothing in the work force. Kind of funny that I've been there over a year and can't squeeze a fucking raise out of someone but Janice can get one in 3 months. Also, the whole hours thing is beginning to piss me off, but thanks to my girl Doriann, my hours have been taken care of and I now work 5 minutes away and like 5 miles from my house instead of 25 miles and 30 minutes away from my house. Doriann is an awesome boss and she takes care of me, and she's working on my raise. She gave me 40 hours for the week and I'm saving so much on gas going to and from work seeing I'm working on this side of the water now and I'll be back to having a normal life because I'm going to be working during the day from 2pm-10pm which still gives me daylight hours to do things and still time to go out at night which is awesome. Plus, with me working over here I don't think I'll have my hopes so high to see Jeff as much, with me working at the beach I was hoping he'd show up and suprise me like he used to do. I don't know, maybe I have expected way too much from this relationship. anyway...
My car is STILL in the shop. I'm going on two days without hearing anything about what's going on with it so I'm getting a little pissed, but at the same time still trying to have patience about it. I just want my car so I can go where I want when I want without having to explain where or why I'm going somewhere. My name, my car, my license, my reasons, so leave me the hell alone lol.
Well, my trip for my birthday to NYC has been postponed which I knew would somehow happen because I never get to go anywhere when I really want to go but whatever. It's going to be an awesome trip and I can't wait. It's going to be Me, Amanda, James, Eric, Annmarie, her husband Ken, and hopefully Janice will be able to go...I really want her to go lol. We'd have so much fun together. Janice and I get along so well and I think it's because we're so much alike and neither one of us get along all that well with girls lol. Me and Janice are hanging out on my birthday and going to get SHITFACED and I can't wait. Shes so much fun to hang around and then we're going to get tattoos together and she's going to go with me to get my nipple pierced since she already has it done lol and if it hurts and she lied to me I'm going to kill her. Well, that's enough for now. I'll finish updating later because I really don't feel like typing all that much anymore so SEE YA. LOL