Just let me write...
My heart is beating so fast thinking about him, thinking about how much I love him, how much I would do for him to be happy. It's beating so fast it feels like it's going to pound through my chest. I love the way he makes me feel when I'm in his arms. I adore the way he stares into my eyes and looks into my soul. I love to feel his breath on my neck and his hands on my body. The way he breathes and runs his hands across my body is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt. I love how he can turn me on just by a single touch. I love the way he makes me feel, but I'm scared. Scared of so many things. I'm scared of love and the way it makes me feel. I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt for loving someone so much. I'm scared of when my day turns to darkness and I can't quite see what I'm looking at. Scared of when night turns to day and I see what I've been struggling so hard to find. Scared of what I might find. I'm scared to face reality because I don't think I can handle it anymore. I'm scared I'm not going to get what I want, what I've been working so hard and so long to get. I want to be with him, I want to feel him next to me every night. I want to wake up to his beautiful blue eyes looking at me. I don't want my reality to be disappointment and a world of hurt. I want to be able to call him mine, and only mine. I don't want to walk into the darkness alone, I want him there by my side. I want him to help make me a stronger person. I want what he's already had and I think I'm entitled to it. I want the house on the corner with the white pickett fence and the pitter patter of tiny baby feet and the dog barking in the back yard. I want to come home from work and have my family there welcoming me at the door. I want to hear him say "I love you, Amie" and I want him to tell me he wants to be with me forever. I want us to sit on the front porch in the summer drinking lemonade, watching the kids play with the neighbors. I want to make snowmen in the front yard in the winter. I want something I'm never going to get. I want the family that I'll never get to call mine, I want the happiness so many have told me about. I want to wake up in the morning and not have to be scared that he won't be there, or that I won't hear his voice. But I am scared. I'm scared he's going to leave me. I'm scared he's never going to tell me he loves me. I'm scared I've worked so hard for something that in reality I should have known I could never get. I'm scared I'm going to lose him, that he's going to realize I don't make him happy. I'm scared of never hearing his voice or seeing his beautiful face again. I don't want to live a day knowing I'll never see him again. I don't want him to end up hating me because I've pushed so hard for something I want. I'm scared he's going to think I'm crazy for loving someone this much. I'm scared I'm going to scare him away. I'm scared of losing something I love so much in my life. I'm scared I'm in love with someone who will never love me back...