Burning Kleses for Breakfast.
Hi
I'm Veleda and I'm quite emotional these days. Contemplating deepening my practice even further. The vision of Sorrow is so deep within me and the Joys seems far away. I experienced the most joy this weekend while i was being social but it was a weekend furthest away from my angel. I did have some very warm times with friends old and new.
I returned to my angel this morning and my darkness returned with the light. Ah that the light illumines the shadows and makes their edges sharpen.
Why must my self struggle with my Self? Why must I fight my own Will?
I've been asking myself a lot of deep questions.. what I do want in life? What life am I trying to have? What Values are important to me? What aspects of my life are in accordance or not accordance with my Will? Why I struggle sometimes with the simplest acts of Will and seem so capable with seemingly Herculean ones..
My mind fights itself even as I seek integration and alignment. How do I bring all of me into alignment?
Hear Me, and make all Spirits subject unto Me: so that every Spirit of the Firmament and of the Ether: upon the Earth and under the Earth: on dry Land and in the Water: of Whirling Air, and of rushing Fire, and every Spell and Scourge of God may be obedient unto Me
Today I was lying on my couch feeling sorry for myself. i sprained my ankle and twisted my knee over the weekend and I'm feeling sick. I continue to feel I need to get away for awhile but life amazingly enough marches out despite my desire for monastic retreat. I keep on wrestling with myself to enter the Service of my HGA. There are parts of me that must crack further. I'm reminded of my reading. I know this is right but it hurts and I fear and rightly so of how destablized things must become first. I pray to myself that I listen to Myself quickly and deeply so that I need not lose more than absolutely necessary. I strengthen commitment to verticality. This is my third attempt at Abramelin and it appears there is no innoculation for the process. All of this Work over the last seven years and it's just as hard this time as it was then ..only much harder more quickly with more subtle variations.
Anyhow.. I continue to move forward. I realize that 'cooling' methodologies are not sufficient in terms of processing this Work. I normally utilize cooling methdologies when I 'overclock' my system through magickal work, however, I'm not overclocking my system. I'm burning toxins and what I need is some sort of high fire incinerator and filter system. Mantra yoga is not really the best for that..it's good at invoking but doesn't seem to work in terms of processing.. yoga, detox dieting, and pranyama appear to be needed.
More and more I am called on for more and more.. and I find myself more and more lacking. "They" say you don't get assigned tasks that you can't handle. I'm not so sure about that old wives tale.
I want to wrap myself in cloak of light.
I hope that I reach whatever cracking point I need to reach soon.
I'm Veleda and I'm quite emotional these days. Contemplating deepening my practice even further. The vision of Sorrow is so deep within me and the Joys seems far away. I experienced the most joy this weekend while i was being social but it was a weekend furthest away from my angel. I did have some very warm times with friends old and new.
I returned to my angel this morning and my darkness returned with the light. Ah that the light illumines the shadows and makes their edges sharpen.
Why must my self struggle with my Self? Why must I fight my own Will?
I've been asking myself a lot of deep questions.. what I do want in life? What life am I trying to have? What Values are important to me? What aspects of my life are in accordance or not accordance with my Will? Why I struggle sometimes with the simplest acts of Will and seem so capable with seemingly Herculean ones..
My mind fights itself even as I seek integration and alignment. How do I bring all of me into alignment?
Hear Me, and make all Spirits subject unto Me: so that every Spirit of the Firmament and of the Ether: upon the Earth and under the Earth: on dry Land and in the Water: of Whirling Air, and of rushing Fire, and every Spell and Scourge of God may be obedient unto Me
Today I was lying on my couch feeling sorry for myself. i sprained my ankle and twisted my knee over the weekend and I'm feeling sick. I continue to feel I need to get away for awhile but life amazingly enough marches out despite my desire for monastic retreat. I keep on wrestling with myself to enter the Service of my HGA. There are parts of me that must crack further. I'm reminded of my reading. I know this is right but it hurts and I fear and rightly so of how destablized things must become first. I pray to myself that I listen to Myself quickly and deeply so that I need not lose more than absolutely necessary. I strengthen commitment to verticality. This is my third attempt at Abramelin and it appears there is no innoculation for the process. All of this Work over the last seven years and it's just as hard this time as it was then ..only much harder more quickly with more subtle variations.
Anyhow.. I continue to move forward. I realize that 'cooling' methodologies are not sufficient in terms of processing this Work. I normally utilize cooling methdologies when I 'overclock' my system through magickal work, however, I'm not overclocking my system. I'm burning toxins and what I need is some sort of high fire incinerator and filter system. Mantra yoga is not really the best for that..it's good at invoking but doesn't seem to work in terms of processing.. yoga, detox dieting, and pranyama appear to be needed.
More and more I am called on for more and more.. and I find myself more and more lacking. "They" say you don't get assigned tasks that you can't handle. I'm not so sure about that old wives tale.
I want to wrap myself in cloak of light.
I hope that I reach whatever cracking point I need to reach soon.