Transitions & Contemplations
I've been quiet on LJ the last week. As some of you know, I sprained my ankle and knee doing paratheater last Friday.. I' took a few days off work and rested and contemplated.. Talked to some wise friends, spent a lot of time simply being WITH myself in solidarity. Time in deep contemplation of Will and Limitation. I may be coming to a some smoothness after having rapidly burned off some kleses..but I don't want to put the cart before the horse..
I attempted to come up with the perfect (as in I am 100% aligned with my Will) realistic (as in incorporating accurate times to do thigngs) and realized it was physically impossible for me to achieve what I wanted to the degree I wanted with the physical limitations of my life.
Mind you - i am not optimal as of yet (i mess up all the time and have much strengthening of my discipline to still accomplish) but even were I perfectly optimal I simply couldn't do it all. There are simply not physically enough hours in my day once eating, sleeping, travel, and work are factored in to do everything I want...even were I 'ON' from the moment I woke till the moment I fell asleep.
What appears to me as 'basic living functionality' is actually beyond my capacity at this time. I found that really liberating and have been contemplating this fact the last several days. It will necessitate changes in my life and I am still contemplating the best avenue for those changes.
First - realizing this I am evaluating my life to see what are the simplest, easiest, least time intensive things I can do that would have the most impact on the accomplishment of goals. Drinking more water and taking my supplements consistently stand out on this list. I'm trying to get together a list of other things that I can strengthen my Will around.
Second - I either have to give up something or become content with a longer slower path to the accomplishment of the things I am doing.
Giving up something can include - going to a reduced work schedule (in this inter regnum between now and law school), getting laid off, finding more efficient means of doing things, giving up one or more of my goals temporarily. For instance - there are life goals (like doing art) that are perpetual and temporal goals (like World Trip or Law School). I am contemplating the temporary cessation or radical decrease of the time I spend on some of my perpetual goals. Additionally - I recognize that at this time there are things I can not cut out because to cut them out would mean depression and therefore cessation of activity.
I need time off to chill out by myself every week, I need warm connected times with friends, and I need good sleep and healthy food.
In short- I need either more free time, less active passions/activities, to be highly more efficient, or to instill acceptance regarding my less than perfect manifestations.
In short - I can not do EVERYTHING I want all at once PERFECTLY RIGHT NOW.
I am sitting with this k-now-ledge and preparing to do some more radical life hacking.
Additionally - the subject of contemplation in my morning meditation
..
the heart is the birth of will.. What fire compels you? What rhythm nurtures you? What are you becoming?
I attempted to come up with the perfect (as in I am 100% aligned with my Will) realistic (as in incorporating accurate times to do thigngs) and realized it was physically impossible for me to achieve what I wanted to the degree I wanted with the physical limitations of my life.
Mind you - i am not optimal as of yet (i mess up all the time and have much strengthening of my discipline to still accomplish) but even were I perfectly optimal I simply couldn't do it all. There are simply not physically enough hours in my day once eating, sleeping, travel, and work are factored in to do everything I want...even were I 'ON' from the moment I woke till the moment I fell asleep.
What appears to me as 'basic living functionality' is actually beyond my capacity at this time. I found that really liberating and have been contemplating this fact the last several days. It will necessitate changes in my life and I am still contemplating the best avenue for those changes.
First - realizing this I am evaluating my life to see what are the simplest, easiest, least time intensive things I can do that would have the most impact on the accomplishment of goals. Drinking more water and taking my supplements consistently stand out on this list. I'm trying to get together a list of other things that I can strengthen my Will around.
Second - I either have to give up something or become content with a longer slower path to the accomplishment of the things I am doing.
Giving up something can include - going to a reduced work schedule (in this inter regnum between now and law school), getting laid off, finding more efficient means of doing things, giving up one or more of my goals temporarily. For instance - there are life goals (like doing art) that are perpetual and temporal goals (like World Trip or Law School). I am contemplating the temporary cessation or radical decrease of the time I spend on some of my perpetual goals. Additionally - I recognize that at this time there are things I can not cut out because to cut them out would mean depression and therefore cessation of activity.
I need time off to chill out by myself every week, I need warm connected times with friends, and I need good sleep and healthy food.
In short- I need either more free time, less active passions/activities, to be highly more efficient, or to instill acceptance regarding my less than perfect manifestations.
In short - I can not do EVERYTHING I want all at once PERFECTLY RIGHT NOW.
I am sitting with this k-now-ledge and preparing to do some more radical life hacking.
Additionally - the subject of contemplation in my morning meditation
..
the heart is the birth of will.. What fire compels you? What rhythm nurtures you? What are you becoming?