Meeting In The Greenhouse

[vegablack62]

Ginny walked through a curtain of vines into a small hidden section of Greenhouse six, looking for Neville.  Glowing wand-written words hung in the air in front of the door --  be careful what you touch -- followed by a second message -- watch where you put your fingers!!

“Well I can’t say I wasn’t warned,” she said under her breathe.

The

Comments

[sea_thoughts]

Hi!

First of all, I must agree with the others, I love your description of Greenhouse 6, how it's so full of vegetation that you can't actually see the outside world. You really put a lot of care and detail into the various flowers and especially the Hydra plant.

I also love the conversation between Ginny and Neville. You provide a good canon reason for Neville almost disappearing in the sixth year, it would make sense that he's absorbed with his Herbology NEWT projects (no more Potions to worry him sick!), but being Neville, he's still very aware of the need to be on guard and to keep up with what's happening in the war. I like the idea of him doing non-verbal spells in the greenhouse without even thinking about it but finding it hard otherwise, shows how much he's in his element.

He felt stupid telling Ginny this. She was close to Harry. He was probably telling her far more about what needed to be done.*snort* Neville, how long have you been sleeping in the same dorm room as Harry? When does Harry ever tell anyone ANYTHING

[vegablack62]

Thanks for your criticism of how I introduce Neville. I struggled with that. When I first wrote this there wasn't a mention of him at all until he just appeared out of the greenery. I guess I wanted to give the reader a sense of exploring the place and Neville being a part of it and something of a surprise

[sea_thoughts]

I guess I wanted to give the reader a sense of exploring the place and Neville being a part of it and something of a surprise.

He's definitely a surprise, you can still have him saying something, just put a sentence about him "emerging from the leaves" or something similar afterwards.

I thought of the Slugclub as another thing to take up Ginny's time, even if it was just attendance at Slughorn's dinners. I'll have to see how I pace the sentence. I really just wanted to list three activities for her give as reasons that she didn't have time for outside study.

I understand that's what you were trying to do, but including the Slug Club with Quidditch and OWLs makes it seem as if it's important to Ginny, which I don't think it is. :)

Perhaps I should have her make a face when she mentions it and have Neville make a face back, since he didn't like it either.

Yeah, I like that idea. Shows that neither of them are particularly into the idea of being "collected".

[vegablack62]

Thanks for the advice I'm making some of the changes that we've talked about.

[sea_thoughts]

Okay, read it and I like it. It flows much better now that you have Neville appearing like that and them making the faces about the Slug Club.

[vegablack62]

Thanks, sometimes on rewrites I feel like I'm just treading water and not actually making anything better. It's good to hear from you about it. Thanks.