A Valentine's confession about friendship
About the bond of frienship
This is a topic I want to write about. My english maybe is not the best, I'd have some grammar fails but I will do my best.
I think the bond of friendship is unique and sacred. But I have the experience about how to destroy 7 years of friendship for a mistake. A mistake from me and my friend. A year ago he confessed me that he was in love with me, and years of being friends was a fake. I felt very upset, and I can remember that his words hurted me so much.
Our history is very long, at the beggining we were a couple but not for so much time, almost 5 months. We were young at that time and with less experience than now. We could continue being friends with the time but some time after (maybe two years) we tried to approach again. But we failed, not with the aim to being a couple again, just because the typical needs of being closer (you know what I want to mean). Failed again, he asked me if we can be a "friends with privileges" (I don't know how you say that kind of relationship in english). I said no at that time and then he told me that he accepted that and he told me he did not feel in love with me, I was glad for that, really glad. When we started to going out at the first tike I asked him to go slow, I did't feel the "crush" like other times with other people. I tried to love him but I couldn't, so I have to stop our relationship. Being loved and cannot correspond that love is terrible. But I always tried to keep him close to me, as a friend only because we share a unique link, a mental bond that I don't have with anyone else. He accepted (or I thik he was) our fiendship and we share great moments.
But yesterday when the rest of the group left his house we started to talk about what happened between us. To hear "I cannot be your friend anymore. I appreciate you, but nothing else" was very painful. I know that since a year, but it's difficult to handle a situation like this. He has a girlfriend, but I know that he's not fond with her. He's trying, I know but I feel very upset about him. So many years playing a masquerade of friendship... The problem is that he told his history from his own point of view and the girl hates me (and she did'nt know me, even we didn't see each other). She's jealous about me and considers that I'm sort of menace in their relationship. Nothing but a great mistake. I have boyfriend, I love him so much and I'm not the kind of girl who likes to disturb couples. I hate that and is against my own values and codes of honor.
Of course I don't hate her, even I don't know her but I asked to meet her and talk, and help her to understand not only the history between us and the fact that I'm not a menace between them. I'm glad to know that he has somebody to share his things but I miss him. I miss the afternoons talking about the life, sharing moments together. I miss him so much. I can say in some way (I'll explain) that I love him, but not in the way he wants. In spanish (I'm a native spanish speaker) there are two ways to say "I love you". For many people both means the same but there is a little difference. When I say "te amo", I mean a love between a couple, a deep love. If I say "te quiero" you mean a love between friends or maybe a not compromising love between two people. But it's a fact that couples used that phrase to express their love, it depends the point of view of each person. If my boyfriend say to me "te quiero" I'd feel very upset. I hope I have explained this properly.
I have hope to regain the friendship between the two someday, even if he says that is impossible. But I don't believe in no win scenario after all.
Thanks a lot for reading this
This is a topic I want to write about. My english maybe is not the best, I'd have some grammar fails but I will do my best.
I think the bond of friendship is unique and sacred. But I have the experience about how to destroy 7 years of friendship for a mistake. A mistake from me and my friend. A year ago he confessed me that he was in love with me, and years of being friends was a fake. I felt very upset, and I can remember that his words hurted me so much.
Our history is very long, at the beggining we were a couple but not for so much time, almost 5 months. We were young at that time and with less experience than now. We could continue being friends with the time but some time after (maybe two years) we tried to approach again. But we failed, not with the aim to being a couple again, just because the typical needs of being closer (you know what I want to mean). Failed again, he asked me if we can be a "friends with privileges" (I don't know how you say that kind of relationship in english). I said no at that time and then he told me that he accepted that and he told me he did not feel in love with me, I was glad for that, really glad. When we started to going out at the first tike I asked him to go slow, I did't feel the "crush" like other times with other people. I tried to love him but I couldn't, so I have to stop our relationship. Being loved and cannot correspond that love is terrible. But I always tried to keep him close to me, as a friend only because we share a unique link, a mental bond that I don't have with anyone else. He accepted (or I thik he was) our fiendship and we share great moments.
But yesterday when the rest of the group left his house we started to talk about what happened between us. To hear "I cannot be your friend anymore. I appreciate you, but nothing else" was very painful. I know that since a year, but it's difficult to handle a situation like this. He has a girlfriend, but I know that he's not fond with her. He's trying, I know but I feel very upset about him. So many years playing a masquerade of friendship... The problem is that he told his history from his own point of view and the girl hates me (and she did'nt know me, even we didn't see each other). She's jealous about me and considers that I'm sort of menace in their relationship. Nothing but a great mistake. I have boyfriend, I love him so much and I'm not the kind of girl who likes to disturb couples. I hate that and is against my own values and codes of honor.
Of course I don't hate her, even I don't know her but I asked to meet her and talk, and help her to understand not only the history between us and the fact that I'm not a menace between them. I'm glad to know that he has somebody to share his things but I miss him. I miss the afternoons talking about the life, sharing moments together. I miss him so much. I can say in some way (I'll explain) that I love him, but not in the way he wants. In spanish (I'm a native spanish speaker) there are two ways to say "I love you". For many people both means the same but there is a little difference. When I say "te amo", I mean a love between a couple, a deep love. If I say "te quiero" you mean a love between friends or maybe a not compromising love between two people. But it's a fact that couples used that phrase to express their love, it depends the point of view of each person. If my boyfriend say to me "te quiero" I'd feel very upset. I hope I have explained this properly.
I have hope to regain the friendship between the two someday, even if he says that is impossible. But I don't believe in no win scenario after all.
Thanks a lot for reading this