Can't sleep
I'm at an odd place right now. I have a new boyfriend. He says he loves me, he is sexy, he is smart, and he has a good heart, but my old boyfriend still has a hold on me. It's crazy how powerful memories are, even months later.
To clarify, it's a good thing me and my ex broke up. We didn't have a future. Rather, we could have had a future, but I wouldn't have been fulfilled. I wasn't IN love with him, among other things. However, he left a giant mark on my life. Like, huge. I miss him a lot. I think about him a lot. Lately, it's gotten worse. I feel all sorts of grief for how I broke up with him, for all the work he put into our relationship that I didn't reciprocate. But that was ok for him, that was enough...
At the same time, that has implications on this new relationship because I can't help but compare. This guy doesn't need me as much, in terms of being there for him and being a confidant for him. But he needs me more for mundane things, like to make dinner or to be there with him at night... It makes me wonder if my shiny newness has worn off. Does he truly love me or is he content with me?
Nearly a year ago I had this conversation with a friend, well not this convo exactly. We were discussing how men seem to decide to settle down based on different factors than women. Women look for certain things and only settle down when they've found a man that they think is compatible with those things. Men are on a time schedule. They want to have their job in order, a car, then a wife... House... Kids.... It's like a check list or something! So I'm just a tad worried that this guy I'm seeing (this guy that I adore) is only feeling me as being a part of his check list.
I guess it comes down to this: my ex thought of me as a treasure. He truly believed that I helped him improve as a person. I felt the exact same way, that he helped me improve; to me he was my rock to keep me steady. This current guy is totally different. He makes me feel more in tune with my sensuality and my womanliness, like I want to settle down and have kids, lol! And I think I fill that role for him, he sees me as wifey.
This is all my speculation. I mean, who knows. We've only been officially together for a little over 2 months. So we could just be out of the honeymoon stage, but I dunno.
I wish he needed me more.
To clarify, it's a good thing me and my ex broke up. We didn't have a future. Rather, we could have had a future, but I wouldn't have been fulfilled. I wasn't IN love with him, among other things. However, he left a giant mark on my life. Like, huge. I miss him a lot. I think about him a lot. Lately, it's gotten worse. I feel all sorts of grief for how I broke up with him, for all the work he put into our relationship that I didn't reciprocate. But that was ok for him, that was enough...
At the same time, that has implications on this new relationship because I can't help but compare. This guy doesn't need me as much, in terms of being there for him and being a confidant for him. But he needs me more for mundane things, like to make dinner or to be there with him at night... It makes me wonder if my shiny newness has worn off. Does he truly love me or is he content with me?
Nearly a year ago I had this conversation with a friend, well not this convo exactly. We were discussing how men seem to decide to settle down based on different factors than women. Women look for certain things and only settle down when they've found a man that they think is compatible with those things. Men are on a time schedule. They want to have their job in order, a car, then a wife... House... Kids.... It's like a check list or something! So I'm just a tad worried that this guy I'm seeing (this guy that I adore) is only feeling me as being a part of his check list.
I guess it comes down to this: my ex thought of me as a treasure. He truly believed that I helped him improve as a person. I felt the exact same way, that he helped me improve; to me he was my rock to keep me steady. This current guy is totally different. He makes me feel more in tune with my sensuality and my womanliness, like I want to settle down and have kids, lol! And I think I fill that role for him, he sees me as wifey.
This is all my speculation. I mean, who knows. We've only been officially together for a little over 2 months. So we could just be out of the honeymoon stage, but I dunno.
I wish he needed me more.