"Hi! Would You Like to [NOT] Have Sex?"
Conversation in SL can be dicey. As I've discussed before, thanks to the time dialation effect, what would take over an hour or more in First Life is usually compressed into a few minutes at best. Why talk and talk when anonymity is available and the desire to get right to the point is the goal?
What brings this on is a discussion I had at Fogbound Blues about a week ago. It was after 9PM, I had been working on class stuff and came in to listen to blues while I put finishing touches on a few school related things and chat in a few IMs with folks. At Fogbound, most people are in their own IMs and there is not that much local chat.
Anyway between working on a Course Outline and chatting with Mara and Mandy in a group chat, an IM comes in from a female avatar. And it is what spurred this blog. I'm reconstructing it from memory but it went something like this:
Female: Hi
Me: Hi back.
Now at this point I figured it was going to be a "UR hot" kind of thing. I've seen that before countless times. I've mentioned several times how many people in SL have the coversational ability of a cherrystone clam. But instead the next line took me by surprise:
Female: I'm not bi, I'm not looking for sex. I am just chatting.
Now I have to admit, in over 11 years in SL, I'd not had THAT come in as line two in any conversation. My response was "Don't worry, I'm not either." Looking for sex, that is.
I asked her why she felt she needed to say that, and she replied something like "Most girls I say hi to think I'm looking to get into bed with them, and they start chatting that way." Meaning, as I found in a bit more chatting, that they assume she wants sex and so the conversation instantly winds to how to get that going. We ended up talking about occult and tarot cards as that what was piqued her interest in me, then she took off.
Now of course, some number, maybe the majority, of female avis are guys ATK who want to have sex in a girl avi with another girl. That's a long standing SL hobby that's just jim dandy with me. So it's not all that surprising that any converation will turn rather quickly to sexxorz, since the time dilation effect always suggests "get to the point as quickly as possible."
Mara had a good comment, though: it's really odd in SL that a person needs to defend their desire to just talk to another person as "just chat" and not looking for a hookup. Has dialog in SL really diminished to the point that any IM coming in is immediatly suspected as a "wanna f**k?" and needs to be defended as something other? Can people have a discussion about anything else?
Many people, including myself, have some kind of disclaimer in their profile that states they are not looking for hookups, subs, dom/mes or anything else, especially right off the bat. But as a lot of people don't read a profile, or just ignore it if they do bother to read it, Many times over the years I've had people IM me with a line like "Oh, you're so sexy" without looking at my profile. Usually I don't even answer, I just mute them. If they can't take the time to look over my profile for a few mins, I have no desire to give them the time of day. They can find antoher female avi to hit on.
One time I walked into House of V and immediately had some Dominant guy get in my chatbox, saying "Hello there little one, come here and kneel." I was sort of floored. I said "did you look at my profile?" He then got all cocky and said "You little bitch, of course I looked at your profile, why do you think I wouldn't do that?" My reply was "You wouldn't be IMing me asking me to kneel to you when I just walked in here and don't know you from Adam if you did, or you just don't care." He then went into a profanity laden rant and I muted him. That's an example of time dialation effected, "let's get you on your knees as quickly as possible and get away from any unecessary blather."
So I guess I see why that gal at Fogbound felt she had to qualify her remark. I'd suppose that some number of folks just assume that a "hi" means "Let's go f**k right now" and immediately work in that regard if they are interested. In First Life, there is the necessity of some kind of chat to get anything going, from a drink to a dance to hot and heavy sex and everything in between. In SL, I guess people can just toss their net of "Hi's" and see what they bring up to the surface.
I think it's sad that people are either so suspicious of IMs or so worried their IM will be taken the wrong way that any dialog might be killed. But I guess in a time dilated world like SL, it's better to quality one's discourse than not.
Thoughts on this? Have any readers had something similar happen?