Mar 01, 2012 16:15
Actor Christopher Plummer is 88 years old and just won his first Oscar, but I think after a certain point, some dreams are past their sell-by date. It's not a question of having a bucket list, it's a question of how attainable the goals on that list are.
Traveling west of the Mississippi? Do-able. Winning an Olympic medal in gymnastics, definitely not. I've missed the window of opportunity to become a prima ballerina or a grand opera singer or a rock goddess. On the other hand, look at Grandma Moses---I might still make it as an artist.
I'm questioning what I want, what I think I can do, where the fulcrum is between reality and wishful thinking. I have no desire to run a marathon or participate in a triathlon, but I'd like to be in better shape. But thinking about walking isn't productive; getting my fat ass in gear and actually going for a stroll does. Being a fabulous ballroom dancer requires lessons and a partner. I could always get instructional DVDs from the library, but without a partner, I'm shit out of luck. Meanwhile, I can still get DVDs for bellydance, which I don't need a partner for. (And which has always sounded like fun.)
I've spent thirty years dreaming of restoring an old car. I'm not completely clueless about automotive things, but all my hands-on experience dates to 1983, aside from things like replacing the battery and checking the fluids. I've driven enough crappy cars that I can usually make a guess about what's going on, but guessing wrong could be awfully expensive when we're talking about something vintage. I don't have tools, or a shop or---oh yeah, a project car. I have a feeling that unless I win the lottery PDQ, the sun is setting on this one, and that makes me sad.
What's left? Travel? Not with my current car---I won't even risk a trip to Miami, and that's only 200 miles each way. And the cost in general...when I have money, there are always More Important Things to do with it.
Now, I'm drawing a blank. What else do I want to do? And of those things, what are within my means? And if I say "I don't know", or "Nothing.", then what? If I feel that all my hopes and dreams are unattainable, then I'm just going through the motions, waiting to die. That's not a good place to be.
I need to contemplate this some more.
.
tropical depression,
what do you want to do with your life?