(no subject)
i realized something today. I am just as ashamed of eating as i am of purging. actually i am WAY MORE ashamed of eating which is rediculous because eating is something that everyone does one way or another yet it is the aspect in my life that i am most ashamed of. When i'm on the computer and freinds ask waht i'm doing i would rather say ' i'm throwing up my dinner thanks what about you' then : 'i'm currently engulphed in a tub of ice cream and dont really plan on stopping anytime soon' or even just: 'haveing dinner' i just cant say it. I know that as soon as i mention food the first thing that goes through the other persons mind is either: 'o wow... awkward / discusting. she shouldnt be eating.' or: 'ah ha! i've won, shes finally eating properly:) ' neither of those reaction is acceptable so now when people as me what i'm doing i say: nothing. even if i were to be holding a gun pointed to the back of my throat. i will say: nothing. there is nothing wrong.