(no subject)
i just dont know what to do . i've been binging for the past week but i havent been purging. i dont know why. Every day i tell myself that i can do it. that i can stop eating and lose weight and be happy. but i cant. i just need to get past that first day. i cant live my life like this. i just cant and if i cant get control of myself no one can and therefore i am doomed to live the rest of my life in the state i am now. and i cant do that. every day i wish i didnt have to get up and face the day. I dont see a way out and i feel trapped. Am i to live a life full of constant torture? If life is about finding happiness, and i know that i will never find that, what is the point in prolonging it. I dont have to stay alive for my family; for my freinds. because the pain they may feel will be nothing in comparison to the pain i feel now; the pain that would be magnified by a hundred if i were to keep living this pointless life. I have no future. i have no potential. i am not lovable and i have no way of getting out. My life is already over; why not just complete it.