(no subject)
My life has gotten SO fast recently! I mean literally non-stop! Yesterday I got up at 5am read my bible, gave Fernando a wake up call, made my lunch for work so I could be out the door by 6:50am, worked until 5:30pm, went home, ate, folded and put away my laundry, met Fernando to go over questions for our pre-marital counseling, went to home group, came home to continue going over the questions from pre-marital and finally crashed around 12:15am.
non-stop
And usually random/crazy/fun things happen in the times when you're kind of bored, so you try to think of some creative way to entertain yourself. Well, with my life the way it is, I haven't had any 'bored' time to entertain myself in.
So I feel like I'm becoming this work-a-holic machine, who just chuggs through life without smelling the roses, and smelling the roses is my favorite part!!!!
oh well, in 92 days I will be married, and then I HOPE, life will screech to a more manageable speed. I miss taking walks. I miss just writing, for the fun of writing. I miss doodling, and designing! I miss doing music. I miss being an artist.
Sometimes that makes me very hateful towards my work. My boring, administrative, creativity-sucking, work. It's such a business, a cold hard business. Where's the warmth? Where's the life? Where's the fun, the joy, the passion, the energy?!
There is none. I guess that's just how the world is. Especially in America. Efficiency is King.
I don't want to complain, but Lord if I could be so bold...can I ask that you would allow me to be myself again? I miss it. You know what I love, you made me this way. You made me to love beauty and art and music and poetry, and you know what a sacrifice this is for me. I don't understand why you would put a person like me in a place like this, with no time to even have a hobby, but I trust you.
My joy is found in the Lord, not my ability to express myself in the ways I want.