Existential Hangover
So I had a hangover today, but not just any kind of hangover. It is what one of my favorite people informed me was an "existential hangover". You know the kind that not only comes with a headache but feelings of guilt, remorse, shame, and general confusion over the meaning of one's life.
I was a bad, bad girl. I behaved poorly. I let my emotions get the better of me. I said things I should not have said. I just disappointed myself with my absolutely ludicrous behavior. ( Don't worry I didn't go to jail or do anything illegal) I suppose there are many things bottled up inside me that just come to the front at the worst possible times. I have a lot of anger that I don't deal with. I don't even tap into it it's so deeply subconcious. I just push it down, but it always ALWAYS comes bubbling back up. Usually in an unhealthy manner. I'm currently pondering what to do about it. How do I address things, ways of behavior that are so deeply rooted in my psyche that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Freud would say I have highly developed defense mechanisms.
Apparently just saying "I'm not going to be angry." is not enough. Tonight, I'm thinking about what's next.
I was a bad, bad girl. I behaved poorly. I let my emotions get the better of me. I said things I should not have said. I just disappointed myself with my absolutely ludicrous behavior. ( Don't worry I didn't go to jail or do anything illegal) I suppose there are many things bottled up inside me that just come to the front at the worst possible times. I have a lot of anger that I don't deal with. I don't even tap into it it's so deeply subconcious. I just push it down, but it always ALWAYS comes bubbling back up. Usually in an unhealthy manner. I'm currently pondering what to do about it. How do I address things, ways of behavior that are so deeply rooted in my psyche that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Freud would say I have highly developed defense mechanisms.
Apparently just saying "I'm not going to be angry." is not enough. Tonight, I'm thinking about what's next.