(no subject)
Title: Pieces
Rating: 18
Bands: Sugizo, Miyavi as well as various others.
Pairing: Sugizo x Miyavi
Summary: What do you do when your life falls apart around you and there is nothing left but broken pieces of what was? How do you rebuild when the pieces left behind no longer create the picture from before? Will the pieces that remain ever become anything of significance? You have to hope that the pieces can become a new whole because otherwise there would be no reason to go on but who said you had to reassemble your life alone?
Previous Chapters
Chapter Twelve
Miyavi was glad for the distractions his children caused around the mall because he suspected without them he would have ended up just stood still staring at Sugizo with drool hanging from his mouth or something. As it was he still stole more than the odd glance in his lovers direction, his eyes undressing the other far too easily. His sexual desire should have been sated but he felt like he'd only been teased early and left far from satisfied. He needed and wanted the other and it was made all the worse for the simple fact being alone together was going to be a rare luxury.
Miyavi pushed the thought aside and realised while he was distracted Sugizo had managed to sneak off to pay for the art supplies Miyavi had been determined he wasn't going to let the other pay for. It was too late now and short of sneaking money into Sugizo's wallet he knew it would be hard to pay the other back. Hard but not impossible.
“Can we have dinner now?” Jewelie asked her father pouting. She always got cranky when tired or hungry and Miyavi decided for the sake of peace they might as well go and eat.
“Sure, when Sugi gets back.” Miyavi replied calling out to Lovelie to not wander off.
“Come on Lovelie.” Sugizo ordered getting the girls attention after she had ignored her father completely. Well at least she was listening to someone Miyavi thought watching Sugizo hold hands with his daughter and fighting off the irrational stab of jealousy. Though if it was cuased by the fact Lovelie had listened to Sugizo and not him or because she was holding his hand in public he wasn't sure.
“Jewelie and I have agreed it's dinner time.” Miyavi explained and after a brief discussion they picked a nearby restaurant and headed in that direction. Sugizo kept both girls entertained and Miyavi followed silently missing this kind of scene. The last time he had been to the shops like this he'd been with Melody and whilst the memories were painful and made him feel guilty he also felt happy to be able to experience a family outing again, although Sugizo wasn't technically family.
They were seated quickly in a booth with the children one side and Sugizo and Miyavi on the other and the girls became quickly engrossed looking at the pictures in the children's menu as they decided what to eat giving the adults a chance to talk to each other.
“I told you not to buy the art things.” Miyavi complained.
“Really it's no big deal.” Sugizo replied opening his own menu. “For the record I'm paying for this meal as well.”
“Sugizo really...” Miyavi began to protest feeling a hand move over his thigh and resting tantalising close to his crotch.
“You can pay me back some other time.” came the casual reply and then the hand was gone but Miyavi had very much got the message the other was trying to convey.
“Some other time.” Miyavi agreed though he was thinking more along the lines of gifts than what Sugizo was trying to suggest.
“Daddy!” a voice shouted out from the doors to the restaurant, Miyavi hadn't recognised the voice at first, not until a young girl was joining them hugging Sugizo tightly.
“Luna, what are you doing here?” Sugizo asked looking surprised and then a little wary as he saw the two women who had arrived with Luna one of which was walking in their direction with a forced neutral expression on her face. She must be Luna's mother and Miyavi instantly felt inferior in every way, if Sugizo had a woman as beautiful as she was in his life then he could find another, why would he bother keeping Miyavi around? No wonder the other was reluctant to commit to anything.
“Mummy and I went to get shoes.” Luna announced proudly as she lifted her feet up for her father to admire the black leather shoes.
“The shoes of a princess.” Sugizo agreed.
“Do you like my shoes Luna?” Lovelie asked and Luna moved around to look sitting besides Miyavi's children and talking about shoes like they were three teenagers and not young children.
“This is Miyavi.” Sugizo eventually said looking guilty for even being in the restaurant which was ridiculous but then with the strict rules to seeing his daughter forced upon him perhaps seeing her now really was against the rules.
“Hi Miyavi.” the woman said carefully glancing at the three girls and then back at Sugizo as if weighing up the situation. She must have recognised the name as she didn't seem surprised that Luna had recognised his daughters but she didn't seem entirely impressed either. Why should she be impressed that her former drug addict partner had a tattoo covered friend. Miyavi had never felt so insignificant and he felt ridiculous as he greeted the woman, like a child being judged by a teacher and not coming up to the right standards.
“Luna seems to like your children.” the woman commented thoughtfully and then shocking both men she added. “If you like why don't you let her eat with you?”
“You mean...” Sugizo stammered.
“I have Koyomi, and I'll only be over there.” she explained. “It'd be a shame to separate Luna from her friends.”
“My best friends!” Luna corrected. “Please Daddy, can I stay with you?”
“Of course.” Sugizo replied glancing over at Miyavi who nodded his consent. This was an important moment and he wouldn't break it, for the first time Sugizo was going to be able to spend time with his daughter without his mother present. Sure he was being watched, and far from alone but he was still in charge of looking after his child and only the most heartless would take this away from him. Even if there had been no significance to this Miyavi wouldn't have minded another child joining them, if anything it kept his children happy giving him more time to talk to Sugizo.
Much later than night, when the girls had gone to sleep and Miyavi and Sugizo had left for a walk leaving Miyavi's mother at home just in case one of the girls woke up they finally got a chance to really talk.
“This has to be the best day I've had in years.” Sugizo commented as he sat on the park bench beside Miyavi staring up at the few stars that were still visible despite the light pollution of the city.
“I think you really impressed her today.” Miyavi replied. “You're a natural father and I hope she can see that.”
“I'm only good with children because I'm a child myself.” Sugizo replied but Miyavi knew it was more than this.
“No, you have a gift.” Miyavi replied earnestly.
“Yeah, he's called Miyavi.” Sugizo replied making his partner smile.
“Seriously though, how is this going to work?” Miyavi asked. “I'm always working, or with my children.”
“We'll find moments like this.” Sugizo replied confidently.
“This weekend I'm going to look around some of those houses you found.” Miyavi announced. “At the very least we won't have to sit in dark parks to talk. But moving out will take so much time and what if it upsets the girls? They love their Grandma so much.”
“They'll see her daily.” Sugizo replied. “And it's natural for them to live with you. I wouldn't worry, those girls are resistant.”
“Jewlie has nightmares and Lovelie comes to me crying for no reason sometimes.” Miyavi replied. “They're not even close to dealing with the death of their mother, can I shake up their life again?”
“Do you really want to move?” Sugizo asked.
“I'm afraid.” Miyavi admitted. “Of having to carry on alone. I want my freedom but at the same time I'm not sure how I will cope. I miss her, and no matter how many times people say it's not my fault I wished her out of my life.”
“It wasn't your fault.” Sugizo replied firmly. “But you're not going to listen to me are you?”
“Not on this one.” Miyavi admitted.
“Then let's forget what you want.” Sugizo replied. “What would Melody want?”
“What would Melody want?” Miyavi repeated. “She'd want her children to grow up to be strong and healthy but most importantly happy. She had big dreams for the girls.”
“And for you?” Sugizo asked. “What did she want for you?”
“She...” Miyavi began realising that he did know this answer, though he had never though about it. “She wanted to know what was missing in my life. Good job, loving wife, two beautiful children and I wasn't happy and she could see it. Sometimes she'd ask if I'd be happy with another woman and I could always say no with such honesty that she dropped that theory straight away. What Melody wanted was for me to find what was missing in my life.”
“And that was?” Sugizo asked.
“The love of a man. Maybe it was always you.” Miyavi admitted. “But Melody wouldn't be happy if I had left her.”
“No but she left you, in the end. She had her chance for the perfect life and to me it sounds like she was happy but she's gone now. It's your turn. So if she wanted you to find your missing happiness, if she wanted you to be with me then where's the problem?” Sugizo asked. “Is this what you want?”
“It's getting there.” Miyavi admitted. “I don't have you completely.”
“What do you mean?” Sugizo asked, finally his turn to be confused.
“Well it's early days. I won't scare you away.” Miyavi admitted. “For now I want my freedom, to regain my life without the protection of my Mother. I want to build a home, but this time I'm doing it my way. No false marriages, no pretence, forgive my selfishness but it's time I thought about myself.”
“You say that but the idea of a selfish Miyavi makes me laugh.” Sugizo admitted. “Because even as we're sat here talking about your freedom your mind is wondering how your children are.”
“Well I wouldn't be a father if they didn't come first.” Miyavi argued and as he glanced over at Sugizo he could see the other was thinking exactly the same thing.
“You can have some of my selfishness.” Sugizo decided. “Perhaps then we'll both balance out.”
“Maybe.” Miyavi agreed shivering slightly. “It's getting cold, shall we head back?”
“Just let me do something first.” Sugizo requested glancing around the park before he quickly gave Miyavi a kiss. “There, now we're done.”
“Or just beginning.” Miyavi replied as he got up off the bench and began to head home with Sugizo by his side, his jealousy of Sugizo's ex all but forgotten. Sugizo wanted him, as crazy as that was Miyavi was going to accept things as they were. From now on he was going to become selfish and work on his dream, a happy home with his children and lover Sugizo sharing his bed. It might be an impossible, Sugizo certainly didn't want to admit he was with a man to the world, but what was the point of having a dream that was easy to obtain?
Rating: 18
Bands: Sugizo, Miyavi as well as various others.
Pairing: Sugizo x Miyavi
Summary: What do you do when your life falls apart around you and there is nothing left but broken pieces of what was? How do you rebuild when the pieces left behind no longer create the picture from before? Will the pieces that remain ever become anything of significance? You have to hope that the pieces can become a new whole because otherwise there would be no reason to go on but who said you had to reassemble your life alone?
Previous Chapters
Chapter Twelve
Miyavi was glad for the distractions his children caused around the mall because he suspected without them he would have ended up just stood still staring at Sugizo with drool hanging from his mouth or something. As it was he still stole more than the odd glance in his lovers direction, his eyes undressing the other far too easily. His sexual desire should have been sated but he felt like he'd only been teased early and left far from satisfied. He needed and wanted the other and it was made all the worse for the simple fact being alone together was going to be a rare luxury.
Miyavi pushed the thought aside and realised while he was distracted Sugizo had managed to sneak off to pay for the art supplies Miyavi had been determined he wasn't going to let the other pay for. It was too late now and short of sneaking money into Sugizo's wallet he knew it would be hard to pay the other back. Hard but not impossible.
“Can we have dinner now?” Jewelie asked her father pouting. She always got cranky when tired or hungry and Miyavi decided for the sake of peace they might as well go and eat.
“Sure, when Sugi gets back.” Miyavi replied calling out to Lovelie to not wander off.
“Come on Lovelie.” Sugizo ordered getting the girls attention after she had ignored her father completely. Well at least she was listening to someone Miyavi thought watching Sugizo hold hands with his daughter and fighting off the irrational stab of jealousy. Though if it was cuased by the fact Lovelie had listened to Sugizo and not him or because she was holding his hand in public he wasn't sure.
“Jewelie and I have agreed it's dinner time.” Miyavi explained and after a brief discussion they picked a nearby restaurant and headed in that direction. Sugizo kept both girls entertained and Miyavi followed silently missing this kind of scene. The last time he had been to the shops like this he'd been with Melody and whilst the memories were painful and made him feel guilty he also felt happy to be able to experience a family outing again, although Sugizo wasn't technically family.
They were seated quickly in a booth with the children one side and Sugizo and Miyavi on the other and the girls became quickly engrossed looking at the pictures in the children's menu as they decided what to eat giving the adults a chance to talk to each other.
“I told you not to buy the art things.” Miyavi complained.
“Really it's no big deal.” Sugizo replied opening his own menu. “For the record I'm paying for this meal as well.”
“Sugizo really...” Miyavi began to protest feeling a hand move over his thigh and resting tantalising close to his crotch.
“You can pay me back some other time.” came the casual reply and then the hand was gone but Miyavi had very much got the message the other was trying to convey.
“Some other time.” Miyavi agreed though he was thinking more along the lines of gifts than what Sugizo was trying to suggest.
“Daddy!” a voice shouted out from the doors to the restaurant, Miyavi hadn't recognised the voice at first, not until a young girl was joining them hugging Sugizo tightly.
“Luna, what are you doing here?” Sugizo asked looking surprised and then a little wary as he saw the two women who had arrived with Luna one of which was walking in their direction with a forced neutral expression on her face. She must be Luna's mother and Miyavi instantly felt inferior in every way, if Sugizo had a woman as beautiful as she was in his life then he could find another, why would he bother keeping Miyavi around? No wonder the other was reluctant to commit to anything.
“Mummy and I went to get shoes.” Luna announced proudly as she lifted her feet up for her father to admire the black leather shoes.
“The shoes of a princess.” Sugizo agreed.
“Do you like my shoes Luna?” Lovelie asked and Luna moved around to look sitting besides Miyavi's children and talking about shoes like they were three teenagers and not young children.
“This is Miyavi.” Sugizo eventually said looking guilty for even being in the restaurant which was ridiculous but then with the strict rules to seeing his daughter forced upon him perhaps seeing her now really was against the rules.
“Hi Miyavi.” the woman said carefully glancing at the three girls and then back at Sugizo as if weighing up the situation. She must have recognised the name as she didn't seem surprised that Luna had recognised his daughters but she didn't seem entirely impressed either. Why should she be impressed that her former drug addict partner had a tattoo covered friend. Miyavi had never felt so insignificant and he felt ridiculous as he greeted the woman, like a child being judged by a teacher and not coming up to the right standards.
“Luna seems to like your children.” the woman commented thoughtfully and then shocking both men she added. “If you like why don't you let her eat with you?”
“You mean...” Sugizo stammered.
“I have Koyomi, and I'll only be over there.” she explained. “It'd be a shame to separate Luna from her friends.”
“My best friends!” Luna corrected. “Please Daddy, can I stay with you?”
“Of course.” Sugizo replied glancing over at Miyavi who nodded his consent. This was an important moment and he wouldn't break it, for the first time Sugizo was going to be able to spend time with his daughter without his mother present. Sure he was being watched, and far from alone but he was still in charge of looking after his child and only the most heartless would take this away from him. Even if there had been no significance to this Miyavi wouldn't have minded another child joining them, if anything it kept his children happy giving him more time to talk to Sugizo.
Much later than night, when the girls had gone to sleep and Miyavi and Sugizo had left for a walk leaving Miyavi's mother at home just in case one of the girls woke up they finally got a chance to really talk.
“This has to be the best day I've had in years.” Sugizo commented as he sat on the park bench beside Miyavi staring up at the few stars that were still visible despite the light pollution of the city.
“I think you really impressed her today.” Miyavi replied. “You're a natural father and I hope she can see that.”
“I'm only good with children because I'm a child myself.” Sugizo replied but Miyavi knew it was more than this.
“No, you have a gift.” Miyavi replied earnestly.
“Yeah, he's called Miyavi.” Sugizo replied making his partner smile.
“Seriously though, how is this going to work?” Miyavi asked. “I'm always working, or with my children.”
“We'll find moments like this.” Sugizo replied confidently.
“This weekend I'm going to look around some of those houses you found.” Miyavi announced. “At the very least we won't have to sit in dark parks to talk. But moving out will take so much time and what if it upsets the girls? They love their Grandma so much.”
“They'll see her daily.” Sugizo replied. “And it's natural for them to live with you. I wouldn't worry, those girls are resistant.”
“Jewlie has nightmares and Lovelie comes to me crying for no reason sometimes.” Miyavi replied. “They're not even close to dealing with the death of their mother, can I shake up their life again?”
“Do you really want to move?” Sugizo asked.
“I'm afraid.” Miyavi admitted. “Of having to carry on alone. I want my freedom but at the same time I'm not sure how I will cope. I miss her, and no matter how many times people say it's not my fault I wished her out of my life.”
“It wasn't your fault.” Sugizo replied firmly. “But you're not going to listen to me are you?”
“Not on this one.” Miyavi admitted.
“Then let's forget what you want.” Sugizo replied. “What would Melody want?”
“What would Melody want?” Miyavi repeated. “She'd want her children to grow up to be strong and healthy but most importantly happy. She had big dreams for the girls.”
“And for you?” Sugizo asked. “What did she want for you?”
“She...” Miyavi began realising that he did know this answer, though he had never though about it. “She wanted to know what was missing in my life. Good job, loving wife, two beautiful children and I wasn't happy and she could see it. Sometimes she'd ask if I'd be happy with another woman and I could always say no with such honesty that she dropped that theory straight away. What Melody wanted was for me to find what was missing in my life.”
“And that was?” Sugizo asked.
“The love of a man. Maybe it was always you.” Miyavi admitted. “But Melody wouldn't be happy if I had left her.”
“No but she left you, in the end. She had her chance for the perfect life and to me it sounds like she was happy but she's gone now. It's your turn. So if she wanted you to find your missing happiness, if she wanted you to be with me then where's the problem?” Sugizo asked. “Is this what you want?”
“It's getting there.” Miyavi admitted. “I don't have you completely.”
“What do you mean?” Sugizo asked, finally his turn to be confused.
“Well it's early days. I won't scare you away.” Miyavi admitted. “For now I want my freedom, to regain my life without the protection of my Mother. I want to build a home, but this time I'm doing it my way. No false marriages, no pretence, forgive my selfishness but it's time I thought about myself.”
“You say that but the idea of a selfish Miyavi makes me laugh.” Sugizo admitted. “Because even as we're sat here talking about your freedom your mind is wondering how your children are.”
“Well I wouldn't be a father if they didn't come first.” Miyavi argued and as he glanced over at Sugizo he could see the other was thinking exactly the same thing.
“You can have some of my selfishness.” Sugizo decided. “Perhaps then we'll both balance out.”
“Maybe.” Miyavi agreed shivering slightly. “It's getting cold, shall we head back?”
“Just let me do something first.” Sugizo requested glancing around the park before he quickly gave Miyavi a kiss. “There, now we're done.”
“Or just beginning.” Miyavi replied as he got up off the bench and began to head home with Sugizo by his side, his jealousy of Sugizo's ex all but forgotten. Sugizo wanted him, as crazy as that was Miyavi was going to accept things as they were. From now on he was going to become selfish and work on his dream, a happy home with his children and lover Sugizo sharing his bed. It might be an impossible, Sugizo certainly didn't want to admit he was with a man to the world, but what was the point of having a dream that was easy to obtain?