Colorado Avalanche 2011-2012: The Forwards
~*~ Forwards ~*~
Name: Paul Stastny
Alias: Pauly, Stas, Stazzle Dazzle
Number: 26
Super Powers: Amazing stazzle dazzle powers
This is Paul Stastny:
Paul Stastny is the son/physical clone of this dude:
Peter Stastny was the first Soviet defection in pro hockey, alongside his brother Anton, and during the ‘80s held the most points by anyone whose name did not rhyme with Gayne Wetzky. Paul was born in Quebec in 1985 while his father was busy up there doing important things, like captaining the Nordiques. His defection gave his kids chances that they never would have had in communist controlled Czechoslovakia and Paul is very grateful.
This is the first part of an amazing interview where they ask Paul about a lot of things, especially his father. He’s really sweet and amazing and not at all surly.
And Part 2
Growing up, Peter Stastny had a big influence on his son. He doesn’t have much of a day-to-day involvement with him since he returned to Slovakia to represent that country in the European Parliament, but they still talk and his dad gives him tips.
The family still gets together in Slovakia and plays some games on a semi regular basis.
This family relation has allowed a lot of horrible jokes about them.
For some reason his name gets mispronounced a lot. It's just "Staz-knee", not "Stast-knee". Also, it is not spelled Stasny. Sorry.
Hello adorkable Stastny family and your horrible early 90s fashion.
His mother was American because Paul and his older brother Yan were born dual citizens of the United States and Canada, and unless she was halfway over the border there's no other way that works. Both opted to play for the US in international competition. This is how Paul was eligible to play for the US during the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver.
The good news is he didn’t have to take those regrettable photos where Team USA was being horribly lit with blue light while trying to escape from some sort of icy house of death.
Poor Parise.
The bad news is that this is obviously because he was the killer who lived in the poorly lit red room they were trying to escape from.
His brother, Yan, played for the Blues for a short period of time. I really love this photo, okay?
Apparently he felt the need to propose to his baby bro at one of their games.
Yan is way hotter. Sorry, Paul.
Now he plays for CSKA Moscow and inexplicably gets misidentified as Paul.
You can tell it’s not Paul because of the pretty.
Paul’s missing two teeth, neither of which were lost in the NHL. He got hit in the face with a bat when he was in 7th grade, and damaged both of them. One tooth got pulled, and then he lost the other his sophomore year of college when he got hit in the face with a stick during a game with his friends. He has kinda an unfortunate face.
Paul ‘went to college’ at Denver University, and played for their hockey team, the Pioneers.
Their uniform is clearly based on Iron Man.
He still tries to go to at least one game a year with his former roommate, TJ Galiardi, and after he won Silver in Vancouver he went on the ice with the team wearing his old DU sweater under his Team USA one.
Paul was drafted by the Avs 44th overall in 2006 and started on their roster in the 2006-07 season.
John Michael Liles gave up his number 26 so that Paul Stastny could wear his father’s number, which I find really sweet. And then he called up Rob Blake and I imagine the conversation went something like this:
JML: HI ROB, YOU WERE MY FAVORITE CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER?
Blake: . . . Yes?
So then he was #4.
Thanks, John Michael.
(Sidenote: According to John Michael his family calls him John Michael, but he’ll also respond to Johnny or John or JM, so I’ll call him whatever I want.)
He held the rookie points streak for the Avs with 20 games, and was nominated for the Calder. He lost to some dude named Malkin, though.
For some reason my friend think he looks like a perpetually surly teenager WHICH IS COMPLETELY NOT TRUE.
. . . Maybe it’s a little true.
His college roommates were Peter Mannino and Patrick Mullen. There’s an amazing interview where Mannino refers to Paul as their little puppy, and they talk about leaving him stupid encouragement cards that said things like "Score on JS Giguere tonight!"
He lives in Denver with his sister and, until recently, TJ Galiardi. Gali was traded to San Jose on Feb 27th during the lamest trade deadline ever.
Paul Stastny apparently loves to cook, which makes him even more amazing than he normally is because cooking.
In 2008 he was invited to his first All Star Game appearance, and because the universe hates the idea of him appearing at All Star games he had appendicitis and had to have surgery. It wasn’t until 2011 that he made it to the All Star Game
He went with Matt Duchene. He then forgot who made his tie. For some reason Matt knew, though.
He was drafted very nearly last. This opened him up for all the jokes.
He spent the rest of the All Star Game looking vaguely disgruntled about everything.
Okay, she may have a point about the surly thing.
He once admitted, out loud, that his favorite Christmas gift is his blankey, and he still has it.
I have to admire any dude who admits that.
CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO. HE TALKS ABOUT IT. IT IS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU LOVE THE AVALANCHE OR YOU HAVE NO SOUL. The other highlights include Milan Hejduk having a really creepy laugh, Gabriel telling us about some weird Swedish thing involving oatmeal, and Ryan O’Reilly pronouncing "composite" funny.
Actually, that thing with the blanket happened to me in Denver, only it was a teddy bear and also I never got him back. Day 2,605 in Baby Bear Watch :C
In some photos he is attractive and I’m not sure what to do with that.
(stole this one from letsgokomets and I regret nothing.)
Hellooooo Paul Stastny
He’s adorkable when he’s being interviewed
Paul tends to be pretty quiet, and he’s not known for showing emotion for longer than a second or two. He’s an old man on the team.
He’s not a super flashy player but occasionally he makes really entertaining plays.
The only thing that makes people who aren’t me care about Paul is that he’s one half of the epic Bang Bang Dance.
"He and I watch the TV show ‘How I Met Your Mother.’ It’s a dance that Marshall on the show does. He sings a song and we call it the Bang Bang Dance. We started doing it because it was such a funny episode and we were doing it all the time, so we started doing it after wins. We started doing it at the end of last season right when that episode came out. I think it started in St. Louis actually and it’s been a good tradition since. We get excited to do it after wins."
He and Matt have a pretty adorable bromance going on. They center the top two lines and seem genuinely fond of each other. They leap on each other a lot.
They share matching horrible laughs.
He had that thing with Wolski, but the guy just did not deserve Paul Stastny.
Sometimes two generations of the Avalanche get together and take awkward family photos where no one knows what to do with their arms.
Name: Matthew Duchene
Alias: Matty, Dutchy
Number: 9
Super Powers: Camo aided invisibility.
@Matt9Duchene
Matt Duchene is probably the only player besides Gabriel Landeskog that most people know about on our current roster.
He lived in Adam Foote’s basement for approximately forever. This season was his first on his own and apparently there was talk that his lack of confidence was because he was living alone but that’s sorta really overprotective of him.
He wears ridiculous old man hats that he probably stole from Footer.
And is enough of a dork to name his dog after Brad Paisley, and takes said dog for romantic hikes on Loveland Pass.
He accepted a conditional scholarship to Michigan State when he was 14 but decided Canada’s major juniors was the faster track to the NHL, so he went through a lot of wrangling to get out of that commitment. That was also the time it started to dawn on him that he was apparently a really good hockey player.
His favorite hobbies are fishing and playing the guitar. He’s equally accomplished at both, though probably not at the same time, and during the summer all he talks about is fishing - it gets old.
Matt Duchene goes fishing
This is basically Matt Duchene in a single play:
Sometimes he dances and we’re not really sure why. It’s still precious.
Matt has the cutest/stupidest looking laugh face ever.
He is secretly hilarious. If you are not following him on twitter I doubt your sanity.
He suffers from a crippling fear of Lady Gaga.
Some of his favorite things to do include annoying the crap out of TJ Galiardi.
Actually, it is a hobby for almost everyone on the team to chirp Gali. Because Gali is kinda a douche to them.
If you want someone to make weird reality TV comments, Matt is your guy. He pretends to be horrified that he watches them, but it’s a lie.
Stas and Duchene went to the All Star Game together, and while everyone was weeping over the breakup of the Brioux bromance, the Avs also suffered a breakup.
TEARS.
Then there was that hilarious vodka incident.
When he was growing up he was a huge Avalanche fan.
He used to get jerseys for Christmas and apparently has amassed quite a collection.
"It’s probably a toss-up between Roy, Sakic and Forsberg. It’s funny, when I was young I was almost a goalie because of Patrick Roy. He was my first favorite player. Then, through the stages it became Sakic and then it became Forsberg. All of them were my heroes growing up, for sure." Also, apparently, Han Solo. Good choice, Matt.
Matt writes on his stick sometimes - little notes or inspirational quotes that he likes. "BG" (Be Great) and "H&H" (Humble and Hungry) have made regular appearances.
He once let it slip that he did a little bit of training with Crosby up in Vail, and he got asked about it a lot for about a year. Avs fans have weird things to obsess over.
He’s not a bad little fighter, honestly.
He’s adorable when he talks about it. "We were just kind of jostling and he asked me if I wanted to go, and I said, ‘Yeah, sure, let’s go.’ I wasn’t sure if he was 100 percent serious at first but he dropped one of his gloves so I knew he was serious. It was pretty fun actually. I used to fight a lot as a kid at school, which probably wasn’t a good thing."
His face is just precious and slightly hilarious, okay?
Name: Gabriel Ingemar John Landeskog
Alias: Gabe, Landy
Number: 92
Super Powers: Jawline of steel
@GabeLandeskog92
This is Gabriel Landeskog. The Avalanche drafted him #2 overall in the 2011 draft, which was our gift from the NHL for being horrible.
For some reason Altitude enjoys filming their athletes against a terrifying white background - I apologize for any retinal scarring that comes from watching them.
He was very excited to be drafted by the Avalanche - so excited that he almost committed a massive faux paux and bounced out of his seat before his name was finished being called. WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN THE OTHER GUY? (It wouldn't have been the other guy)
Peter Forsberg was one of his biggest idols growing up, and as our token Swedish Phenom he can't seem to escape the comparisons. He seems okay with them, while being very politely firm that he is not Peter Forsberg version 2. When Forsberg called him to say ‘congratulations’ he was completely, adorably excited by it.
"But he was tongue-tied after fielding a telephone call from Forsberg, his idol while growing up in Stockholm, while sitting at the Avalanche's draft table Saturday at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul.
"‘I was stuttering at first, to say the least,’ he said. ‘I didn't really know what to say. But we had a good talk there. He wished me good luck. It was very exciting. He was a real big role model for me. I'd always seen him on TV, so it was really special to talk to him first hand.’"
He has an older brother named Adam and a twin sister named Beatrice. He's 35 minutes older than her, which he called the best 35 minutes of his life. No reports as to how much she beat him up after he tweeted that.
He may or may not be Thor.
He has a cute puppy. Begin fangirl meltdown . . . Now.
Kyle Keefe seems to enjoy dragging the players all over Denver for his interviews. This is the interview I showed to lobsterclaaaws and she ended up squeaking "I love him! Can we keep him?"
He did a 20 questions thing on twitter pseudo recently (Like late Feb or something) and the highlights include that he wanted to be a firefighter if he wasn’t a hockey player, that he likes mint chocolate chip ice cream (good taste, boy) and that he likes dogs but grew up with cats. You can probably find it on tumblr, too, because it appears that every statement he has ever made ends up copied on there.
He rooms with Erik Johnson on the road, and apparently finds Erik’s teeth in weird locations in their hotel room.
He eats cereal perfectly logically to me. Then again I never put milk on cereal. I just drink a glass while eating the cereal dry.
His tooth got chipped in the game against the Blue Jackets.
Do not break our rookie’s lovely face, Blue Jackets. It is the only face that makes people care about the Avalanche right now.
Possibly his greatest superpower is to look kinda cute no matter what tragedy is happening to his hair.
He was once approached by a modeling organization. No, I am not kidding. We know this because it was captured on video (though maybe the guy approached because Gabe and Mika were being followed by cameras? WHATEVER, it happened. That’s what’s important.)
I AM NOT SORRY, THIS IMAGE GETS MY SWEDISH THING ON.
He is 100% precious and needs to win all of the Calders, or at least this year’s. He's leading rookies in just about every stat, and he's a complete player in ways the others just can't touch yet. Our rookie>all other rookies
This is how happy he’d be, x100000000000
#landeskoging
Name: Terry Joseph Galiardi
Alias: TJ, Gali
Number: 39
Super Powers: Annoying the crap out of everyone on the ice.
@tjgaliardi
TJ Galiardi was like the Avs’ version of Sean Avery, except less effective. In fact, the place where he succeeded most was in annoying his own teammates and coach. He got pulled from games a lot when he tried and failed to agitate, and got benched a lot for penalties.
"Actually, I’m up there for sure, because there’s not a time of the day when I’m not giving it to someone or messing with them."
The best part about his trade (aside from McGuinn) is that now I no longer get him confused with Nuggets forward Danilo Galinari.
They like chirping him on twitter.
Like Paul Stastny Gali is the son of an American mother, so he has dual citizenship and also chooses to play for the US in international competitions. He has two brothers, Rylan and Daniel. His parents own a candy factory.
Gali, unfortunately, deleted almost all of his tweets, but he is a ridiculous human being. The highlights that I can remember are that he hates the Jersey Shore with a passion and would make a lot of snide comments that he probably thought were funny. He whined about being single a lot, too. Oh, and found creative ways to plug various businesses in Denver without retweeting them constantly like Kevin Porter.
He seems to have trouble answering questions quickly, so either he’s secretly thoughtful or he’s just not great at thinking quickly.
He lived with Paul Stastny and I picture Paul as the long suffering wife who doesn’t understand why his husband is insane but tolerates it for some reason. They both liked to cook a lot and Paul would complain half heartedly about TJ’s habits in the morning.
This is the Altitude video where Gali takes Kyle Keefe shopping, and then Paul comes to pick him up and has the most tragic voice when he sees the bags of crap TJ has. "What did you put him through?!"
One time John Michael Liles wrecked a pair of his shoes, and he was upset.
"He also ripped off one of my shirts once; literally just ripped it right off because it had a sideways zipper on it. I guess Johnny is a pretty big prankster."
Gali has an . . . interesting fashion sense, in line with Ovechkin’s, so he gets a lot of grief from the Colorado guys.
He was pretty close with Ryan O’Reilly, Brandon Yip, and Chris Stewart. And of course Paul Stastny.
"You know what? I’m going with the United States because of my boy Pauly. Straight up. That’s the only reason. I love Canada and I love the U.S., but I can’t root against Pauly. It’s not about going against anyone; it’s about going with my roommate."
One time he tweeted a photo of about 5-10 enormous tubs of whey powder on their kitchen table. Sadly this joined the ranks of deleted tweets, but it was amazing. In my head Paul has a breakdown trying to figure out where to put it all. They were just an adorable odd couple, okay?
Name: Cody McLeod
Alias: Mac Attack
Number: 55
Super Powers: Fists of Fury
Cody McCleod is the Avalanche's enforcer. If you hit someone on the team, he will probably punch you. Legal, illegal, doesn't matter. You'll get punched. Hell, he takes boxing lessons in the off season to prepare for this.
He seems like a nice, toothless guy when he’s not punching half your team in the face.
Sometimes he remembers to score goals, too. That’s always nice. And when he’s not punching your players, he’s really awesome.
Name: Kevin Porter
Alias: Ports
Number: 12
Super Powers: I am sure he has some
@kporter12
This is a good example of Kevin Porter and his teammates:
He grows an epic stache.
He wears them a lot, and this is unfortunate.
Sometimes he is part of awkward photos where no one seems to realize how big the field of view actually is and squeezes uncomfortably together.
Name: Jay McClement
Alias:
Number: 16
Super Powers:
Look! It’s Jay McClement! He showed up in the same trade as Erik Johnson!
Name: Ryan O'Reilly
Alias: Factor, Radar
Number: 37
Super Powers: Scoring goals regardless of what's going on around him.
As one of the millions of Ryans on the team, I will refer to him as Factor for this snippet. He’s also sometimes called Radar, but I don’t see it used very often so Factor it is.
Factor was drafted the same year as Matt Duchene, which is proving to be a really good draft year for the Avalanche.
His number in Juniors was 9, which was claimed by Matt Duchene when he started playing on the roster. For reasons I cannot understand but possibly owing to Colorado fan’s horrible attention span he gets asked why he chose number 37 at least once each year. He always gives the same answer.
"No, there’s no real significance. It’s just what they gave me. I’d love to change it eventually. But that won’t be for a little while, probably not until I earn my stripes, I guess. I definitely want something with a 9 in it. I like 90, but I think I’d probably have to score a few more goals or get a few more points to be able to get a chance to wear that number."
Here we have Galiardi and Factor going to an Aquarium and looking precious
At the Aquarium
In juniors he got hit in the face and ended up hurting two teeth, one of which had to go. It gives him this adorable smile.
Factor came from a huge family with lots of foster kids. His parents are social workers, and he’s said if he didn’t play hockey he’d like to be in a band, or work with people like they do.
His brother, Cal, has moved through the NHL and last I heard was with the Pittsburgh organization.
He loves to do yoga, and Milan Hejduk calls him one of the most motivated guys on the ice. He comes early and stays late and pushes himself endlessly. He's not the most talented but he recognizes that skill and hard work are what takes you to the end. His father is a life coach and Ryan often goes to him for advice which includes taking up yoga.
As you will see from the bit about Ryan O’Byrne, Factor is probably the 2nd most proposed to player on the Avalanche team. He also got snubbed for the All Star Game this year and Avalanche fans were furious. He was ahead of Datsyuk and Toews for takeaways and is the leading scorer for the Avs this season. The only thing that will make us feel better is a Selke (hinthintFRYINGPANhint)
The best part of this video is where the guys in the background get, like, performance anxiety about eating.
Name: David Jones
Alias: Jonesy
Number: 54
Super Power:
@djones5454
Jonesy has the cutest little Boston Terrier.
He went to Dartmouth College, and still uses a green mouthguard in honor of the Big Green.
"It’s tough to really pinpoint one thing. I think wining (sic) the Ivy League title and the ECAC title the year we did might be it. I don’t think they had won an ECAC title in 20-something years. It’s cool to go back there and have a couple of banners hanging and be able to say you were a part of something that’s lasting."
He got married over the summer finally, at the place that doubles for Xavier’s School for Gifted Children. Stas and Chris Stewart were best men.
Once again Kyle Keefe takes players to unlikely locations, and it is lovely.
Name: Milan Hejduk
Alias: Hedgie,The Duke
Number: 23
Super Powers: Ageless
Milan Hejduk has been with the Avs for the longest time of any player in existence. In that he has been there the entire time. He was drafted by the Nordiques, but when it came time to play with them they were already the Colorado Avalanche. They’re sneaky that way.
He set records his rookie year. Because he’s awesome.
He’s the last member of the 2001 team left on the roster, and after a long period of Avs fans watching them curiously he was finally named captain in November. Hejduk has like 13 seasons where he scored at least 20 goals, the longest streak in Avs history, and likely to be broken this year :( What can we say, goals by committee.
One time he got the Rocket Richard trophy. That was the year Forsberg won the Art Ross, and they played in the AMP line (Alex [Tanguay], Milan, Peter)
Milan Hejduk’s Career Thus Far
For some reason Duchene calls him ‘Chas’. And of course Forsberg calls him ‘Old Man’.
At one point the Avs talked about Halloween. You get to see lots of O’Byrne being his completely gorgeous self. And lots of jokes about Jersey Shore, which worries me a little.
Then at the end you get Hejduk saying this:
One Halloween Peter Forsberg dressed up as Bill Clinton, and I was Monica Lewinsky.
It was not my choice. Foppa said “you need to be Monica Lewinsky” and I did it for him.
(NO, REALLY. GO TO LIKE 2:45 IN THE PIECE.)
Name: Peter Mueller
Alias: Mules
Number: 88
Super Powers: Recovery
Peter Mueller was acquired from the Phoenix Coyotes alongside Kevin Porter in exchange for Wojtek Wolski (how’d that work out for you, Wols?) He’s an American Center who used to play with Erik Johnson in Juniors.
He was a really great producer for the Avalanche, until he was hit with that massive C in the hockey world. He was out with a concussion for 18 months, with various attempts to return marred with the return of concussion symptoms. He was able to return to the roster on 1/12/12 and has been a steady presence since then.
He sometimes grows facial hair that makes him look like the long lost 5th Musketeer.
Peter Mueller’s Comeback
Please, be more adorable.
Name: Jamie McGinn
Alias:
Number: 11
Super Powers: Super Production
Jamie McGinn is the dude we got from the Sharks for Gali and Daniel Winnik, along with two prospies I know next to nothing about. The few things I have learned came from random tidbits that All Access have given me between commercial breaks.
1. He speaks French and would have been a fire fighter
2. His brother was drafted by the Flyers. (Again with the Flyers, seriously).
Anyone wanting to fill me in is welcome to.
This is his regrettable face.
Lobs: WHAT IS WRONG WITH MCGINN'S FACE
Lobs: WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT I ASK YOU
Lobs: WHY IS IT REGRETTABLE
Me: IT IS IN A SHARKS JERSEY
Lobs: WELL SPECIFY THAT THEN WOMAN
Marc Moser is hoping that McGuinn, McLeod and McClement will end up on a line so he can call them the Haggis Line.
He likes our goalie.
Good taste, McGinn.
Name: Steve Downie
Alias:
Number: 27
Super Powers: Samson like hair
Steve Downie came in that trade with Tampa Bay that got rid of Kyle Quincey. He then went on to use Quincey’s number, which seems to confuse our media a little.
That is not a Steve Downie.
This is a Steve Downie.
He and Varlamov need to not have babies, because their eyebrows would terrify small children and end up on Muppets.
I find his face hilarious.
Roo! Roooooooo!
Oh, and Downie too. Okay, so this was just an excuse to sneak Claude Giroux in there. Be glad I don’t have photos of Danny Briere and Forsberg hanging out.
Oh, waaaait
Why is Steve Downie allowed around food?
Name: Daniel Winnik
Alias: Winnie, James
Number: 34
Super Powers:
The Avalanche traded Winnik along with Galiardi at this year’s trade deadline. He’s a free agent this year so he might come back to the Avalanche, but that’s pretty unlikely. He was a good PK player for the team.
Winnie is very picky about his equipment, and really, really hates practice gear. He’s kinda one of the more OCD guys sometimes.
He’s weirdly precious, in that way where I don’t want him to be precious, but he is. He was a bag boy when he was younger! He loves political science! He wants to be on The Batchelor! (He and Gali used to tease about sending each other onto that show. Dutchy would totally watch, don’t even pretend.)
He was once a Coyote, which I blame for his somewhat unfortunate fondness for tanning. I’m not sure what to blame for Gali’s obsession.
With thanks to hockeygal8383 for these lovely photos
He got a Gordie Howe Hat Trick! Our announcers love those!
Thank you, Altitude, for giving us videos.
The Old Dudes
The Defense & Goalies
Name: Paul Stastny
Alias: Pauly, Stas, Stazzle Dazzle
Number: 26
Super Powers: Amazing stazzle dazzle powers
This is Paul Stastny:
Paul Stastny is the son/physical clone of this dude:
Peter Stastny was the first Soviet defection in pro hockey, alongside his brother Anton, and during the ‘80s held the most points by anyone whose name did not rhyme with Gayne Wetzky. Paul was born in Quebec in 1985 while his father was busy up there doing important things, like captaining the Nordiques. His defection gave his kids chances that they never would have had in communist controlled Czechoslovakia and Paul is very grateful.
This is the first part of an amazing interview where they ask Paul about a lot of things, especially his father. He’s really sweet and amazing and not at all surly.
Click to viewAnd Part 2
Growing up, Peter Stastny had a big influence on his son. He doesn’t have much of a day-to-day involvement with him since he returned to Slovakia to represent that country in the European Parliament, but they still talk and his dad gives him tips.
The family still gets together in Slovakia and plays some games on a semi regular basis.
This family relation has allowed a lot of horrible jokes about them.
For some reason his name gets mispronounced a lot. It's just "Staz-knee", not "Stast-knee". Also, it is not spelled Stasny. Sorry.
Hello adorkable Stastny family and your horrible early 90s fashion.
His mother was American because Paul and his older brother Yan were born dual citizens of the United States and Canada, and unless she was halfway over the border there's no other way that works. Both opted to play for the US in international competition. This is how Paul was eligible to play for the US during the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver.
The good news is he didn’t have to take those regrettable photos where Team USA was being horribly lit with blue light while trying to escape from some sort of icy house of death.
Poor Parise.
The bad news is that this is obviously because he was the killer who lived in the poorly lit red room they were trying to escape from.
His brother, Yan, played for the Blues for a short period of time. I really love this photo, okay?
Apparently he felt the need to propose to his baby bro at one of their games.
Yan is way hotter. Sorry, Paul.
Now he plays for CSKA Moscow and inexplicably gets misidentified as Paul.
You can tell it’s not Paul because of the pretty.
Paul’s missing two teeth, neither of which were lost in the NHL. He got hit in the face with a bat when he was in 7th grade, and damaged both of them. One tooth got pulled, and then he lost the other his sophomore year of college when he got hit in the face with a stick during a game with his friends. He has kinda an unfortunate face.
Paul ‘went to college’ at Denver University, and played for their hockey team, the Pioneers.
Their uniform is clearly based on Iron Man.
He still tries to go to at least one game a year with his former roommate, TJ Galiardi, and after he won Silver in Vancouver he went on the ice with the team wearing his old DU sweater under his Team USA one.
Paul was drafted by the Avs 44th overall in 2006 and started on their roster in the 2006-07 season.
John Michael Liles gave up his number 26 so that Paul Stastny could wear his father’s number, which I find really sweet. And then he called up Rob Blake and I imagine the conversation went something like this:
JML: HI ROB, YOU WERE MY FAVORITE CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER?
Blake: . . . Yes?
So then he was #4.
Thanks, John Michael.
(Sidenote: According to John Michael his family calls him John Michael, but he’ll also respond to Johnny or John or JM, so I’ll call him whatever I want.)
He held the rookie points streak for the Avs with 20 games, and was nominated for the Calder. He lost to some dude named Malkin, though.
For some reason my friend think he looks like a perpetually surly teenager WHICH IS COMPLETELY NOT TRUE.
. . . Maybe it’s a little true.
His college roommates were Peter Mannino and Patrick Mullen. There’s an amazing interview where Mannino refers to Paul as their little puppy, and they talk about leaving him stupid encouragement cards that said things like "Score on JS Giguere tonight!"
He lives in Denver with his sister and, until recently, TJ Galiardi. Gali was traded to San Jose on Feb 27th during the lamest trade deadline ever.
Paul Stastny apparently loves to cook, which makes him even more amazing than he normally is because cooking.
In 2008 he was invited to his first All Star Game appearance, and because the universe hates the idea of him appearing at All Star games he had appendicitis and had to have surgery. It wasn’t until 2011 that he made it to the All Star Game
He went with Matt Duchene. He then forgot who made his tie. For some reason Matt knew, though.
He was drafted very nearly last. This opened him up for all the jokes.
He spent the rest of the All Star Game looking vaguely disgruntled about everything.
Okay, she may have a point about the surly thing.
He once admitted, out loud, that his favorite Christmas gift is his blankey, and he still has it.
I have to admire any dude who admits that.
CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO. HE TALKS ABOUT IT. IT IS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU LOVE THE AVALANCHE OR YOU HAVE NO SOUL. The other highlights include Milan Hejduk having a really creepy laugh, Gabriel telling us about some weird Swedish thing involving oatmeal, and Ryan O’Reilly pronouncing "composite" funny.
Actually, that thing with the blanket happened to me in Denver, only it was a teddy bear and also I never got him back. Day 2,605 in Baby Bear Watch :C
In some photos he is attractive and I’m not sure what to do with that.
(stole this one from letsgokomets and I regret nothing.)
Hellooooo Paul Stastny
He’s adorkable when he’s being interviewed
Paul tends to be pretty quiet, and he’s not known for showing emotion for longer than a second or two. He’s an old man on the team.
He’s not a super flashy player but occasionally he makes really entertaining plays.
The only thing that makes people who aren’t me care about Paul is that he’s one half of the epic Bang Bang Dance.
"He and I watch the TV show ‘How I Met Your Mother.’ It’s a dance that Marshall on the show does. He sings a song and we call it the Bang Bang Dance. We started doing it because it was such a funny episode and we were doing it all the time, so we started doing it after wins. We started doing it at the end of last season right when that episode came out. I think it started in St. Louis actually and it’s been a good tradition since. We get excited to do it after wins."
He and Matt have a pretty adorable bromance going on. They center the top two lines and seem genuinely fond of each other. They leap on each other a lot.
They share matching horrible laughs.
He had that thing with Wolski, but the guy just did not deserve Paul Stastny.
Sometimes two generations of the Avalanche get together and take awkward family photos where no one knows what to do with their arms.
Name: Matthew Duchene
Alias: Matty, Dutchy
Number: 9
Super Powers: Camo aided invisibility.
@Matt9Duchene
Matt Duchene is probably the only player besides Gabriel Landeskog that most people know about on our current roster.
He lived in Adam Foote’s basement for approximately forever. This season was his first on his own and apparently there was talk that his lack of confidence was because he was living alone but that’s sorta really overprotective of him.
He wears ridiculous old man hats that he probably stole from Footer.
And is enough of a dork to name his dog after Brad Paisley, and takes said dog for romantic hikes on Loveland Pass.
He accepted a conditional scholarship to Michigan State when he was 14 but decided Canada’s major juniors was the faster track to the NHL, so he went through a lot of wrangling to get out of that commitment. That was also the time it started to dawn on him that he was apparently a really good hockey player.
His favorite hobbies are fishing and playing the guitar. He’s equally accomplished at both, though probably not at the same time, and during the summer all he talks about is fishing - it gets old.
Matt Duchene goes fishing
This is basically Matt Duchene in a single play:
Sometimes he dances and we’re not really sure why. It’s still precious.
Matt has the cutest/stupidest looking laugh face ever.
He is secretly hilarious. If you are not following him on twitter I doubt your sanity.
He suffers from a crippling fear of Lady Gaga.
Some of his favorite things to do include annoying the crap out of TJ Galiardi.
Actually, it is a hobby for almost everyone on the team to chirp Gali. Because Gali is kinda a douche to them.
If you want someone to make weird reality TV comments, Matt is your guy. He pretends to be horrified that he watches them, but it’s a lie.
Stas and Duchene went to the All Star Game together, and while everyone was weeping over the breakup of the Brioux bromance, the Avs also suffered a breakup.
TEARS.
Then there was that hilarious vodka incident.
When he was growing up he was a huge Avalanche fan.
He used to get jerseys for Christmas and apparently has amassed quite a collection.
"It’s probably a toss-up between Roy, Sakic and Forsberg. It’s funny, when I was young I was almost a goalie because of Patrick Roy. He was my first favorite player. Then, through the stages it became Sakic and then it became Forsberg. All of them were my heroes growing up, for sure." Also, apparently, Han Solo. Good choice, Matt.
Matt writes on his stick sometimes - little notes or inspirational quotes that he likes. "BG" (Be Great) and "H&H" (Humble and Hungry) have made regular appearances.
He once let it slip that he did a little bit of training with Crosby up in Vail, and he got asked about it a lot for about a year. Avs fans have weird things to obsess over.
He’s not a bad little fighter, honestly.
He’s adorable when he talks about it. "We were just kind of jostling and he asked me if I wanted to go, and I said, ‘Yeah, sure, let’s go.’ I wasn’t sure if he was 100 percent serious at first but he dropped one of his gloves so I knew he was serious. It was pretty fun actually. I used to fight a lot as a kid at school, which probably wasn’t a good thing."
His face is just precious and slightly hilarious, okay?
Name: Gabriel Ingemar John Landeskog
Alias: Gabe, Landy
Number: 92
Super Powers: Jawline of steel
@GabeLandeskog92
This is Gabriel Landeskog. The Avalanche drafted him #2 overall in the 2011 draft, which was our gift from the NHL for being horrible.
For some reason Altitude enjoys filming their athletes against a terrifying white background - I apologize for any retinal scarring that comes from watching them.
He was very excited to be drafted by the Avalanche - so excited that he almost committed a massive faux paux and bounced out of his seat before his name was finished being called. WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN THE OTHER GUY? (It wouldn't have been the other guy)
Peter Forsberg was one of his biggest idols growing up, and as our token Swedish Phenom he can't seem to escape the comparisons. He seems okay with them, while being very politely firm that he is not Peter Forsberg version 2. When Forsberg called him to say ‘congratulations’ he was completely, adorably excited by it.
"But he was tongue-tied after fielding a telephone call from Forsberg, his idol while growing up in Stockholm, while sitting at the Avalanche's draft table Saturday at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul.
"‘I was stuttering at first, to say the least,’ he said. ‘I didn't really know what to say. But we had a good talk there. He wished me good luck. It was very exciting. He was a real big role model for me. I'd always seen him on TV, so it was really special to talk to him first hand.’"
He has an older brother named Adam and a twin sister named Beatrice. He's 35 minutes older than her, which he called the best 35 minutes of his life. No reports as to how much she beat him up after he tweeted that.
He may or may not be Thor.
He has a cute puppy. Begin fangirl meltdown . . . Now.
Kyle Keefe seems to enjoy dragging the players all over Denver for his interviews. This is the interview I showed to lobsterclaaaws and she ended up squeaking "I love him! Can we keep him?"
He did a 20 questions thing on twitter pseudo recently (Like late Feb or something) and the highlights include that he wanted to be a firefighter if he wasn’t a hockey player, that he likes mint chocolate chip ice cream (good taste, boy) and that he likes dogs but grew up with cats. You can probably find it on tumblr, too, because it appears that every statement he has ever made ends up copied on there.
He rooms with Erik Johnson on the road, and apparently finds Erik’s teeth in weird locations in their hotel room.
He eats cereal perfectly logically to me. Then again I never put milk on cereal. I just drink a glass while eating the cereal dry.
His tooth got chipped in the game against the Blue Jackets.
Do not break our rookie’s lovely face, Blue Jackets. It is the only face that makes people care about the Avalanche right now.
Possibly his greatest superpower is to look kinda cute no matter what tragedy is happening to his hair.
He was once approached by a modeling organization. No, I am not kidding. We know this because it was captured on video (though maybe the guy approached because Gabe and Mika were being followed by cameras? WHATEVER, it happened. That’s what’s important.)
I AM NOT SORRY, THIS IMAGE GETS MY SWEDISH THING ON.
He is 100% precious and needs to win all of the Calders, or at least this year’s. He's leading rookies in just about every stat, and he's a complete player in ways the others just can't touch yet. Our rookie>all other rookies
This is how happy he’d be, x100000000000
#landeskoging
Name: Terry Joseph Galiardi
Alias: TJ, Gali
Number: 39
Super Powers: Annoying the crap out of everyone on the ice.
@tjgaliardi
TJ Galiardi was like the Avs’ version of Sean Avery, except less effective. In fact, the place where he succeeded most was in annoying his own teammates and coach. He got pulled from games a lot when he tried and failed to agitate, and got benched a lot for penalties.
"Actually, I’m up there for sure, because there’s not a time of the day when I’m not giving it to someone or messing with them."
The best part about his trade (aside from McGuinn) is that now I no longer get him confused with Nuggets forward Danilo Galinari.
They like chirping him on twitter.
Like Paul Stastny Gali is the son of an American mother, so he has dual citizenship and also chooses to play for the US in international competitions. He has two brothers, Rylan and Daniel. His parents own a candy factory.
Gali, unfortunately, deleted almost all of his tweets, but he is a ridiculous human being. The highlights that I can remember are that he hates the Jersey Shore with a passion and would make a lot of snide comments that he probably thought were funny. He whined about being single a lot, too. Oh, and found creative ways to plug various businesses in Denver without retweeting them constantly like Kevin Porter.
He seems to have trouble answering questions quickly, so either he’s secretly thoughtful or he’s just not great at thinking quickly.
He lived with Paul Stastny and I picture Paul as the long suffering wife who doesn’t understand why his husband is insane but tolerates it for some reason. They both liked to cook a lot and Paul would complain half heartedly about TJ’s habits in the morning.
This is the Altitude video where Gali takes Kyle Keefe shopping, and then Paul comes to pick him up and has the most tragic voice when he sees the bags of crap TJ has. "What did you put him through?!"
One time John Michael Liles wrecked a pair of his shoes, and he was upset.
"He also ripped off one of my shirts once; literally just ripped it right off because it had a sideways zipper on it. I guess Johnny is a pretty big prankster."
Gali has an . . . interesting fashion sense, in line with Ovechkin’s, so he gets a lot of grief from the Colorado guys.
He was pretty close with Ryan O’Reilly, Brandon Yip, and Chris Stewart. And of course Paul Stastny.
"You know what? I’m going with the United States because of my boy Pauly. Straight up. That’s the only reason. I love Canada and I love the U.S., but I can’t root against Pauly. It’s not about going against anyone; it’s about going with my roommate."
One time he tweeted a photo of about 5-10 enormous tubs of whey powder on their kitchen table. Sadly this joined the ranks of deleted tweets, but it was amazing. In my head Paul has a breakdown trying to figure out where to put it all. They were just an adorable odd couple, okay?
Name: Cody McLeod
Alias: Mac Attack
Number: 55
Super Powers: Fists of Fury
Cody McCleod is the Avalanche's enforcer. If you hit someone on the team, he will probably punch you. Legal, illegal, doesn't matter. You'll get punched. Hell, he takes boxing lessons in the off season to prepare for this.
He seems like a nice, toothless guy when he’s not punching half your team in the face.
Sometimes he remembers to score goals, too. That’s always nice. And when he’s not punching your players, he’s really awesome.
Name: Kevin Porter
Alias: Ports
Number: 12
Super Powers: I am sure he has some
@kporter12
This is a good example of Kevin Porter and his teammates:
He grows an epic stache.
He wears them a lot, and this is unfortunate.
Sometimes he is part of awkward photos where no one seems to realize how big the field of view actually is and squeezes uncomfortably together.
Name: Jay McClement
Alias:
Number: 16
Super Powers:
Look! It’s Jay McClement! He showed up in the same trade as Erik Johnson!
Name: Ryan O'Reilly
Alias: Factor, Radar
Number: 37
Super Powers: Scoring goals regardless of what's going on around him.
As one of the millions of Ryans on the team, I will refer to him as Factor for this snippet. He’s also sometimes called Radar, but I don’t see it used very often so Factor it is.
Factor was drafted the same year as Matt Duchene, which is proving to be a really good draft year for the Avalanche.
His number in Juniors was 9, which was claimed by Matt Duchene when he started playing on the roster. For reasons I cannot understand but possibly owing to Colorado fan’s horrible attention span he gets asked why he chose number 37 at least once each year. He always gives the same answer.
"No, there’s no real significance. It’s just what they gave me. I’d love to change it eventually. But that won’t be for a little while, probably not until I earn my stripes, I guess. I definitely want something with a 9 in it. I like 90, but I think I’d probably have to score a few more goals or get a few more points to be able to get a chance to wear that number."
Here we have Galiardi and Factor going to an Aquarium and looking precious
At the Aquarium
In juniors he got hit in the face and ended up hurting two teeth, one of which had to go. It gives him this adorable smile.
Factor came from a huge family with lots of foster kids. His parents are social workers, and he’s said if he didn’t play hockey he’d like to be in a band, or work with people like they do.
His brother, Cal, has moved through the NHL and last I heard was with the Pittsburgh organization.
He loves to do yoga, and Milan Hejduk calls him one of the most motivated guys on the ice. He comes early and stays late and pushes himself endlessly. He's not the most talented but he recognizes that skill and hard work are what takes you to the end. His father is a life coach and Ryan often goes to him for advice which includes taking up yoga.
As you will see from the bit about Ryan O’Byrne, Factor is probably the 2nd most proposed to player on the Avalanche team. He also got snubbed for the All Star Game this year and Avalanche fans were furious. He was ahead of Datsyuk and Toews for takeaways and is the leading scorer for the Avs this season. The only thing that will make us feel better is a Selke (hinthintFRYINGPANhint)
The best part of this video is where the guys in the background get, like, performance anxiety about eating.
Name: David Jones
Alias: Jonesy
Number: 54
Super Power:
@djones5454
Jonesy has the cutest little Boston Terrier.
He went to Dartmouth College, and still uses a green mouthguard in honor of the Big Green.
"It’s tough to really pinpoint one thing. I think wining (sic) the Ivy League title and the ECAC title the year we did might be it. I don’t think they had won an ECAC title in 20-something years. It’s cool to go back there and have a couple of banners hanging and be able to say you were a part of something that’s lasting."
He got married over the summer finally, at the place that doubles for Xavier’s School for Gifted Children. Stas and Chris Stewart were best men.
Once again Kyle Keefe takes players to unlikely locations, and it is lovely.
Name: Milan Hejduk
Alias: Hedgie,The Duke
Number: 23
Super Powers: Ageless
Milan Hejduk has been with the Avs for the longest time of any player in existence. In that he has been there the entire time. He was drafted by the Nordiques, but when it came time to play with them they were already the Colorado Avalanche. They’re sneaky that way.
He set records his rookie year. Because he’s awesome.
He’s the last member of the 2001 team left on the roster, and after a long period of Avs fans watching them curiously he was finally named captain in November. Hejduk has like 13 seasons where he scored at least 20 goals, the longest streak in Avs history, and likely to be broken this year :( What can we say, goals by committee.
One time he got the Rocket Richard trophy. That was the year Forsberg won the Art Ross, and they played in the AMP line (Alex [Tanguay], Milan, Peter)
Milan Hejduk’s Career Thus Far
For some reason Duchene calls him ‘Chas’. And of course Forsberg calls him ‘Old Man’.
At one point the Avs talked about Halloween. You get to see lots of O’Byrne being his completely gorgeous self. And lots of jokes about Jersey Shore, which worries me a little.
Then at the end you get Hejduk saying this:
One Halloween Peter Forsberg dressed up as Bill Clinton, and I was Monica Lewinsky.
It was not my choice. Foppa said “you need to be Monica Lewinsky” and I did it for him.
(NO, REALLY. GO TO LIKE 2:45 IN THE PIECE.)
Name: Peter Mueller
Alias: Mules
Number: 88
Super Powers: Recovery
Peter Mueller was acquired from the Phoenix Coyotes alongside Kevin Porter in exchange for Wojtek Wolski (how’d that work out for you, Wols?) He’s an American Center who used to play with Erik Johnson in Juniors.
He was a really great producer for the Avalanche, until he was hit with that massive C in the hockey world. He was out with a concussion for 18 months, with various attempts to return marred with the return of concussion symptoms. He was able to return to the roster on 1/12/12 and has been a steady presence since then.
He sometimes grows facial hair that makes him look like the long lost 5th Musketeer.
Peter Mueller’s Comeback
Please, be more adorable.
Name: Jamie McGinn
Alias:
Number: 11
Super Powers: Super Production
Jamie McGinn is the dude we got from the Sharks for Gali and Daniel Winnik, along with two prospies I know next to nothing about. The few things I have learned came from random tidbits that All Access have given me between commercial breaks.
1. He speaks French and would have been a fire fighter
2. His brother was drafted by the Flyers. (Again with the Flyers, seriously).
Anyone wanting to fill me in is welcome to.
This is his regrettable face.
Lobs: WHAT IS WRONG WITH MCGINN'S FACE
Lobs: WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT I ASK YOU
Lobs: WHY IS IT REGRETTABLE
Me: IT IS IN A SHARKS JERSEY
Lobs: WELL SPECIFY THAT THEN WOMAN
Marc Moser is hoping that McGuinn, McLeod and McClement will end up on a line so he can call them the Haggis Line.
He likes our goalie.
Good taste, McGinn.
Name: Steve Downie
Alias:
Number: 27
Super Powers: Samson like hair
Steve Downie came in that trade with Tampa Bay that got rid of Kyle Quincey. He then went on to use Quincey’s number, which seems to confuse our media a little.
That is not a Steve Downie.
This is a Steve Downie.
He and Varlamov need to not have babies, because their eyebrows would terrify small children and end up on Muppets.
I find his face hilarious.
Roo! Roooooooo!
Oh, and Downie too. Okay, so this was just an excuse to sneak Claude Giroux in there. Be glad I don’t have photos of Danny Briere and Forsberg hanging out.
Oh, waaaait
Why is Steve Downie allowed around food?
Name: Daniel Winnik
Alias: Winnie, James
Number: 34
Super Powers:
The Avalanche traded Winnik along with Galiardi at this year’s trade deadline. He’s a free agent this year so he might come back to the Avalanche, but that’s pretty unlikely. He was a good PK player for the team.
Winnie is very picky about his equipment, and really, really hates practice gear. He’s kinda one of the more OCD guys sometimes.
He’s weirdly precious, in that way where I don’t want him to be precious, but he is. He was a bag boy when he was younger! He loves political science! He wants to be on The Batchelor! (He and Gali used to tease about sending each other onto that show. Dutchy would totally watch, don’t even pretend.)
He was once a Coyote, which I blame for his somewhat unfortunate fondness for tanning. I’m not sure what to blame for Gali’s obsession.
With thanks to hockeygal8383 for these lovely photos
He got a Gordie Howe Hat Trick! Our announcers love those!
Thank you, Altitude, for giving us videos.
The Old Dudes
The Defense & Goalies