Writer's Block: Take Your Chances
Do people deserve second chances? Hm. I'm not sure how to answer this anymore.
Old me would've said yes in a heartbeat. I gave plenty of second chances to people. Some of them didn't deserve it. And I knew it. But I always wanted to see the good in people. My head was up in the clouds alot as a child. And why wouldn't it be; i'm a kid. But now I seem to have gone from one extreme to the other. I still want to see the good in people and I know that people make mistakes. But now I over-analyze everything. I try & look on both sides of the situation, I try & get into the other person's head to see their justified reasoning for whatever they did & so on. I'm always afraid i'm going to make the wrong mistake.
Right now i've been debating giving someone a second chance. I'm not sure he deserves it but he & I were both so terribly hurt in a problem so small & petty.
Our friendship revolved around flirtiness. All in good fun cause I have a boyfriend & he has a girlfriend. I naturally like to flirt with my guy friends. I've never led any random guy on & if I unintentionally have, I immediatly feel terrible & I begin apologizing up the wazoo.
I had a Christmas party & I invited both him & his gf. I invited her more for him but I got along with her as well. I always found her insecure & I felt bad for her. I hoped that dating my guy friend would ease that abit for I was very happy for the both of them. Anywho, while they were leaving, they started kissing and damn near making out at the door in my mother's house. I hate it when people make out in front of others. Its rude. So I puckered my lips & said, "Hey, where's my kiss?" I immediately started laughing to show I was joking around (I'm a very sarcastic person & I like to joke around with my friends). They both left in good spirits with him blowing a kiss & a wink my way. Something we'd typically do.
Good thing I didn't get this letter until AFTER Christmas but she sent it the day after the party. She was going on about how I crossed a line & that their relationship was strictly between them. What I did was wrong & I should feel ashamed for my actions. Plus her opening paragraph hinted towards calling me a slut.
Woah. What the fuck. Where did this come from?
To fast forward the story abit I tried talking to him, thinking he'd give me an honest answer. I tried talking to her but she still accused me. Naturally I got on the defensive (human nature) & it got bad from there. Turns out my own friend lied to me so that the situation wouldn't get out of hand. Well, it didn't work. He was nice enough to tell me that he lied & he felt bad. But what hurt the most is that we both flirted & I was the only one getting in trouble for it from his girlfriend. I didn't understand how she'd blow a gasket now when we've flirted in front of her so many times! Now if she told me right off the bat & not so aggressively, I would've backed off in a heartbeat. Why ruin something great for my friend I cared so much about?
Well, the more & more intense this 'fight' got, the more & more info was given to me on how much my close friend was lying to not just me, but his girlfriend as well. I almost forgave her for how little was told to her & how much he lied to both of us. Not even a month before my party he was going on about how he looked at me as a sister & he felt close to me. I was happy for him that he was turning a new leaf and I didn't want to ruin that for him. Cause I CARED. They were both a little too mushy for my tastes but I could look over that.
In the past, i've said i'm over this whole thing, but deep down inside i'm wondering why I was the bad guy out of all of this. He said he tried doing something about it, but she's still walking around saying she's the mature one & i'm a slut who tried to kiss her boyfriend. He has done nothing. It hurts me because I thought we were close friends who cared about each other. If he really wanted to save our friendship, why didn't he tell his girlfriend the truth? Why didn't he tell her to calm down abit & that he'd talk to me about it? These questions never got answers when I asked both of them. I've been hurt in friendships before but I don't know why this one is affecting me as much as it is. He called me the 'c' word which is a no-go in my eyes. I will be punching or slapping him in the face for that one. No one calls me that & gets away with it. But why does a part of me want to still be friends with him? He's a good guy, but he tries to avoid situations the wrong way. Him lying to everyone (there were more people involved) damn near got authorities involved (or so I've been told).
In the end, I will never apologise for me being myself. I know i'm not a slut. I know i'm not not repulsive towards men & I don't give women a bad name. If she ever apologised for being too aggressive in her original post, I would apologise for making her uncomfortable in a heartbeat. But she thinks she did nothing wrong so that will never happen. If I knew our flirting made her uncomfortable I never would've initiated it. & i'd make sure he didn't either.
He lost alot from this issue. Way more than he thought. What if they break up? I'm not sure who he will have. A part of me feels bad. I almost hope it doesn't happen because i'm afraid he'll go back to the bottle. But this would mean giving him a second chance. Does he deserve it? A part of me believes he deserves one. I want to be a forgiving person but almost all of my outside sources are saying he isn't worth it. I miss the friendship we had. I feel that our friendship could've made amazing memories. I was excited to hang out with him some more. I kinda thought we'd be friends forever. I know that people's high school friendships usually die out after awhile, but I never thought this was how our friendship would end. It almost makes me want to try & patch things up with him (not her. She'll never change) just so we don't end off on a sour note.
He did try apologising to me but it was a pretty messed up apology. I felt that he wasn't honest about it. Not to mention he then started going on about what my friends were doing was wrong & that her friends did this yadda yadda & I did nothing to stop them yakkity smakkity. so right off the bat he's clearly on her side & i'm the bad guy again. We did wish each other luck in life but there are so many things he never answered (truthfully) & I still feel I got the shitty end of the stick. His girlfriend won. The threat is gone & they can live off happily ever after leaving me wondering why he backstabbed me the way he did....can you tell i'm overthinking this?
I've got to learn to let this go. And in a way I have. I sleep better at night again. My heart doesn't race into a frenzy thinking about it anymore. I guess the only thing I have to get over is how badly HE hurt me. Once again I don't care about her. She can rot in a ditch of syphillus for all I care.
P.S. Do people deserve second chances? I guess it all depends on the situation. But as you can possibly tell, i'm not sure when I should give the second chance or when I should walk way from that person. Obviously I still have alot of growing up & learning to do. Hopefully life will teach me to pick my battles a little easier. :)
Old me would've said yes in a heartbeat. I gave plenty of second chances to people. Some of them didn't deserve it. And I knew it. But I always wanted to see the good in people. My head was up in the clouds alot as a child. And why wouldn't it be; i'm a kid. But now I seem to have gone from one extreme to the other. I still want to see the good in people and I know that people make mistakes. But now I over-analyze everything. I try & look on both sides of the situation, I try & get into the other person's head to see their justified reasoning for whatever they did & so on. I'm always afraid i'm going to make the wrong mistake.
Right now i've been debating giving someone a second chance. I'm not sure he deserves it but he & I were both so terribly hurt in a problem so small & petty.
Our friendship revolved around flirtiness. All in good fun cause I have a boyfriend & he has a girlfriend. I naturally like to flirt with my guy friends. I've never led any random guy on & if I unintentionally have, I immediatly feel terrible & I begin apologizing up the wazoo.
I had a Christmas party & I invited both him & his gf. I invited her more for him but I got along with her as well. I always found her insecure & I felt bad for her. I hoped that dating my guy friend would ease that abit for I was very happy for the both of them. Anywho, while they were leaving, they started kissing and damn near making out at the door in my mother's house. I hate it when people make out in front of others. Its rude. So I puckered my lips & said, "Hey, where's my kiss?" I immediately started laughing to show I was joking around (I'm a very sarcastic person & I like to joke around with my friends). They both left in good spirits with him blowing a kiss & a wink my way. Something we'd typically do.
Good thing I didn't get this letter until AFTER Christmas but she sent it the day after the party. She was going on about how I crossed a line & that their relationship was strictly between them. What I did was wrong & I should feel ashamed for my actions. Plus her opening paragraph hinted towards calling me a slut.
Woah. What the fuck. Where did this come from?
To fast forward the story abit I tried talking to him, thinking he'd give me an honest answer. I tried talking to her but she still accused me. Naturally I got on the defensive (human nature) & it got bad from there. Turns out my own friend lied to me so that the situation wouldn't get out of hand. Well, it didn't work. He was nice enough to tell me that he lied & he felt bad. But what hurt the most is that we both flirted & I was the only one getting in trouble for it from his girlfriend. I didn't understand how she'd blow a gasket now when we've flirted in front of her so many times! Now if she told me right off the bat & not so aggressively, I would've backed off in a heartbeat. Why ruin something great for my friend I cared so much about?
Well, the more & more intense this 'fight' got, the more & more info was given to me on how much my close friend was lying to not just me, but his girlfriend as well. I almost forgave her for how little was told to her & how much he lied to both of us. Not even a month before my party he was going on about how he looked at me as a sister & he felt close to me. I was happy for him that he was turning a new leaf and I didn't want to ruin that for him. Cause I CARED. They were both a little too mushy for my tastes but I could look over that.
In the past, i've said i'm over this whole thing, but deep down inside i'm wondering why I was the bad guy out of all of this. He said he tried doing something about it, but she's still walking around saying she's the mature one & i'm a slut who tried to kiss her boyfriend. He has done nothing. It hurts me because I thought we were close friends who cared about each other. If he really wanted to save our friendship, why didn't he tell his girlfriend the truth? Why didn't he tell her to calm down abit & that he'd talk to me about it? These questions never got answers when I asked both of them. I've been hurt in friendships before but I don't know why this one is affecting me as much as it is. He called me the 'c' word which is a no-go in my eyes. I will be punching or slapping him in the face for that one. No one calls me that & gets away with it. But why does a part of me want to still be friends with him? He's a good guy, but he tries to avoid situations the wrong way. Him lying to everyone (there were more people involved) damn near got authorities involved (or so I've been told).
In the end, I will never apologise for me being myself. I know i'm not a slut. I know i'm not not repulsive towards men & I don't give women a bad name. If she ever apologised for being too aggressive in her original post, I would apologise for making her uncomfortable in a heartbeat. But she thinks she did nothing wrong so that will never happen. If I knew our flirting made her uncomfortable I never would've initiated it. & i'd make sure he didn't either.
He lost alot from this issue. Way more than he thought. What if they break up? I'm not sure who he will have. A part of me feels bad. I almost hope it doesn't happen because i'm afraid he'll go back to the bottle. But this would mean giving him a second chance. Does he deserve it? A part of me believes he deserves one. I want to be a forgiving person but almost all of my outside sources are saying he isn't worth it. I miss the friendship we had. I feel that our friendship could've made amazing memories. I was excited to hang out with him some more. I kinda thought we'd be friends forever. I know that people's high school friendships usually die out after awhile, but I never thought this was how our friendship would end. It almost makes me want to try & patch things up with him (not her. She'll never change) just so we don't end off on a sour note.
He did try apologising to me but it was a pretty messed up apology. I felt that he wasn't honest about it. Not to mention he then started going on about what my friends were doing was wrong & that her friends did this yadda yadda & I did nothing to stop them yakkity smakkity. so right off the bat he's clearly on her side & i'm the bad guy again. We did wish each other luck in life but there are so many things he never answered (truthfully) & I still feel I got the shitty end of the stick. His girlfriend won. The threat is gone & they can live off happily ever after leaving me wondering why he backstabbed me the way he did....can you tell i'm overthinking this?
I've got to learn to let this go. And in a way I have. I sleep better at night again. My heart doesn't race into a frenzy thinking about it anymore. I guess the only thing I have to get over is how badly HE hurt me. Once again I don't care about her. She can rot in a ditch of syphillus for all I care.
P.S. Do people deserve second chances? I guess it all depends on the situation. But as you can possibly tell, i'm not sure when I should give the second chance or when I should walk way from that person. Obviously I still have alot of growing up & learning to do. Hopefully life will teach me to pick my battles a little easier. :)