(Untitled)

[valpal21]

Presidential Resume for John Kerry

My name is John Kerry and I would like to report for duty. Here is
 my
 resume for your review.
 NAME: John F. Kerry
 RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, all worth
 multimillions.
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement.
 I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill
 in my career as a US

Comments

[sila1982]

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

- I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

- I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

- I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. treasury.

- I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

- I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12- month period.

- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.

- In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs
and that trend continues every month.

- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire", Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

- I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S.
president.

- I am the all-time U.S. and world record holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.

- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Ken Lay,presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S.
history, Enron.

- My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision.

- I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. In fact, more money and time was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

- I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

- I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any
other President.

- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy
in the history of the United States government.

- I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
history.

- I am the first president to have the United Nations remove the U.S.
from the Human Rights Commission.

- I Refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

- I am the first President to refuse United Nations election inspectors
(during the 2002 election.)

- I set the record for fewest numbers of press conference of any
President since the advent of television.

- I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
period. In fact,it was after I had taken off the entire month of
August 2001 that I presided over the worst security failure in U.S.
history.

- I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and less than one year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world
history.

- I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protests against
any person in the history of mankind.

- I am the first president in U. S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack
and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the
United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens and the world community.

- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits
for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

- In my State of the Union Address I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and
have since blamed the "misinformation" on our British friends.