(no subject)
Presidential Resume for John Kerry
My name is John Kerry and I would like to report for duty. Here is
my
resume for your review.
NAME: John F. Kerry
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, all worth
multimillions.
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement.
I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill
in my career as a US Senator. (Source: Congressional Record) I
ordered
Boston to remove a fire hydrant which I considered unsightly, in
front
of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of
fire.
(Source: Boston Globe)
MILITARY:
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the
military
and served four months in Vietnam (as documented by the attending
doctor). I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting
the
war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming that I and they
committed atrocities and were baby killers. I threw my medals,
ribbons,
or something away in protest. Of course I did not report these
atrocities when they happened nor did I try to stop them. (Source:
My
book;
Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I truly
feel
about the military. I deplore the military!)
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. (Source:
Registrar @ Yale University and many national news media) Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get
admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I was Lieutenant Governor under Michael Dukakis and I ran George
McGovern's campaign. I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there
ever
since. I have no real world experience except that of a gigolo, by
marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife
Teresa. (Source: Every major news media)
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Name one!
But, as a US Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting
record,
exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently
failed to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets,
thus
gutting our country's ability ! to defend itself. Although I voted
for
the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for
it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation.(Source:
Congressional Record) I have no plan (well, I have a plan but it's a
secret) to help this country but I intend to raise taxes
significantly
if I am elected. (Source: Every major news media, based on what he
has
promised.)
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that
he
will never catch up. I make no or little charitable contributions
and
have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in family wealth in excess of $700 million. (Source: Campaign
Disclosure
Act)
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in
places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe.(Source: US News and World Report,
Time) We
can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those
Countries,
although I like to blame George Bush for sending all of the jobs out
of
the US.
I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, while Ted
Kennedy
and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it
might
spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. (Source:
Boston
Globe)
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
Name one thing that I have done in my 20+ years in Congress that is
noteworthy
PERSONAL
I ride a Serotta Bike.*
My Gulfstream V Jet, I call The Flying Squirrel.*
I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht! The
"Scarmouche."
*
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real
culture. (Source: Time)
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket
summer
mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles
and
blame George Bush for the energy problems. I also own an Audi but I
told
the auto workers union I only buy US made vehicles. (Source: Time )
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004
if you vote for him there has got to be someting wrong with your brain