Incantare (4/?) pt. A
Title: Incantare (4/? pt. A)
Rating: PG - 13
Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Gender switch, Romance, Drama, Angst, Humor
Pairings in this chapter: Hankyung/girl!Heechul, slight Kangin/girl!Eeteuk, slight Siwon/girl!Kibum
Summary: Fairies know about human emotions. Fairies don’t cry because they are never hurt enough and they don’t fall in love because of numerous reasons that fairies cannot even explain. Fairies, however, don’t want to experience the pain that humans feel. They sometimes wonder, but they don’t want to experience it for they are experiencing happiness in their realm. Only few fairies leave the realm, but they only do it because of curiosity. Some of those who have visited the human world don’t ever go back to the human world. They say it’s because of the pain that they see happening in the human world that’s keeping them from going back there.
A week later, Siwon’s talking to Heechul in the bookstore late that night where only he and his friends were in it.
“So, her name is Kibum,” Siwon smiles and looks away. They’re both at the café area and waiting for the others to finish cleaning up. “So,” Siwon looks back at Heechul, “can’t you really bring her here?”
Heechul shakes her head, “She doesn’t like being here. She told me already. She said that she’s been here before and she doesn’t want to come back here.”
Siwon wonders, “can I go to the fairy world?”
Heechul looks away to think then looks back at Siwon. “You’ll end up stepping on all of us. We’re all fairy size and you’d be a giant if you go there.”
Siwon pouts and looks down.
Heechul then wonders, “Why are you always looking for Kibum?”
Siwon answers, “I have a crush on her. Isn’t it obvious?”
Heechul asks, “what’s a crush?”
Siwon’s eye twitches. He then hears someone walking towards them that h looks back and sees Sungmin walking towards them. He stands up from his seat, and grabs Sungmin’s wrist to bring her to his chair and make her sit down. “Heechul wants to have a girl talk so talk to her.”
Sungmin looks at Heechul who stares at her as Siwon walks away from them.
“What do you want to know?” Sungmin asks Heechul.
“What’s a crush?”
Sungmin laughs. Her eyes close and she holds her stomach as she continues laughing.
Heechul wonders, “what’s so funny?” She seriously doesn’t know.
“Heechul,” Sungmin calms down and holds her hand that’s on the table. “A crush is when a person is attracted to someone. When you have a crush, you always want to be with that person. You always think of that person. It’s when you like a person. A crush is different from a friend. I’m your friend, Heechul. A crush is something much more.”
Heechul then looks at the bookshelves where she sees Hankyung putting some books on the shelf. Her eyes somehow soften as she asks Sungmin while her eyes are on Hankyung, “then, do I have a crush on Hankyung?”
Sungmin smiles and tightens her hold on Heechul’s hand. “I think he has a crush on you.”
Kyuhyun was walking towards them and stopped when he heard their conversation. He stops in his walking when Heechul asked Sungmin if she has a crush on Hankyung. A smile comes onto his face and he turns around to go to the cashier again. There, he grabs his phone and texts Sungmin.
In a matter of seconds, Sungmin’s phone rings and she takes it out to see who messaged her considering that it’s already late at night. When she sees the text though, she smiles. Immediately, she stands up and acts a scene. “Oh my gosh!” She squeals and everyone looks at her. Siwon even came out of the backroom with Shindong to see what happened. “Oh my gosh!” Sungmin squeals again, “my sister’s friend just dropped out of their trip to this resort! I have to go pack now since we have to catch the plane! This is unexpected but this is so good!” Sungmin quickly grabs her things and runs to the door. “Bye, guys!” She waves at all of them and runs out of the bookstore.
When the door closed, Kyuhyun looks at Hankyung and smiles from the cashier. Hankyung notices that smile and looks at him. Then, Kyuhyun mischievously asks him, “So, where would Heechul stay at now?”
++
“Hankyung,” Heechul sits on Hankyung’s bed and looks at him as he puts his things on his desk, “do you have a crush on me?”
Hankyung stiffens and looks at Heechul. “What?”
“Do you have a crush on me?”
Hankyung turns red. He doesn’t have a crush on her, right? After all, she’s a clueless fairy who brings nothing but headache to Hankyung.
“Hankyung?”
Well, does he?
“Hankyung?”
“Heechul,” Hankyung looks down then realizes that whatever Hankyung would say wouldn’t really matter because Heechul hasn’t experienced that emotion yet. So, he says the first thing that comes to his mind, “I do.”
Heechul smiles. She doesn’t know why, but she feels happy hearing that.
“Heechul,” Hankyung walks over to Heechul and sits by her, “why did you ask that?”
“Well,” Heechul looks straight into Hankyung’s eyes, not feeling any sparks unlike what Hankyung was feeling, and answers, “I think I have a crush on you.”
Unlike Heechul, Hankyung’s eyes widened. His heart starts beating fast but then he realizes, does Heechul know what she’s talking about?
Before Hankyung can even say anything, Heechul says another thing, “What’s soju?”
Hankyung’s jaw drops. “What?”
“I heard Kyuhyun and Siwon talking about it,” says Heechul. “They said that it’s a drink and that I should ask you about it. Can you give me some of it?”
Hankyung looks around and wonders, do fairies have tolerance for alcohol? He wonders.
Heechul, apparently, was reading his mind. “I don’t know. What’s alcohol?”
Hankyung’s eye twitches and he says, “Fine, I have some downstairs. Wait for me.”
++
An hour later, both Hankyung and Heechul are on the floor. Hankyung’s back is against his bed and Heechul’s still sitting upright. Hankyung even has a silly grin on his face and is rather thankful that he doesn’t have class the next day. He’s also proud that he and Heechul were able to stay quiet the whole time they were drinking too. However, he’s not proud that he’s already drunk and Heechul’s still sober.
He comes to a conclusion that fairies are strong with alcohol and falls asleep.
When Heechul notices that he’s sleeping already, Heechul goes to sit right beside Hankyung so that she can fall asleep right next to him, her head on his shoulder and her hand on top of his lap.
I’m drinking again. I can’t stop drinking. Alcohol is my addiction. I won’t deny that. I started drinking when I was 13, when I found out that I’m not really blood related with the family I came to believe is my family. I do not dishonor my family, but I do whatever I want.
Alcohol is my addiction.
Why?
Because I want to be happy -or at least I want to feel temporary happiness.
I don’t know. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to feel and I don’t know how to act. Most people see me as someone entertaining as I’m always just, well, me. I entertain them and I make them laugh. With those people, even if I feel so happy with them, I can’t help but think that they only see me as an entertaining monkey. They only want to be around me because I’m an entertaining person, yet they don’t want to be around me because they care for me. Other people see me as someone cold and negative or depressed or tired. It’s because with those people, I don’t know how to act. When I meet a person, I examine them to see how I would entertain them. With those people, I find it hard to read them and I feel as if my entertaining side won’t actually make them laugh. They sometimes see me with those people who I do entertain, and they wonder why I’m never like that when I’m with them. Frankly, I don’t know.
Sometimes, I just don’t know.
Actually, most of the time, I don’t know.
Who am I really?
Am I entertaining and full of life? Or am I colder than ice and darker than night?
I don’t know.
Actually, I do know
The reason why my personality isn’t stable is not because of culture and not because I feel awkward with some people, it’s because I’m scared and hurt. There’s too much pain in me and if I don’t get rid of this pain, my personality would only get worse. However, I can handle this. I am me after all. I can handle all of this.
There’s too much pain in me because I can’t get the pain out. I want to meet someone who can help me, someone who can make me show the real me. I want to meet someone who can make me comfortable enough to cry. I want to meet someone who’ll hold me and tell me that everything is okay, not someone who’ll leave me alone when I tell them that I want to be alone. The only reason why I want to be alone is because I want to handle my emotions myself. However, I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s hard. I just want to break down and cry. I want someone to help me. I want real friends and I want a real family.
Because of all this pain, I started drinking alcohol. I saw some people drinking it and becoming happy.
Alcohol is my addiction.
Heechul then wakes up with tears in her eyes. She’s on Hankyung’s chest and she feels warm being on top of him. She then looks up and her tears start to fall. She looks at the clock and it reads 4:13am. Heechul knows that Hankyung doesn’t have school since it’s Sunday so she wakes him up. “Hankyung, please,” she’s softly patting his cheek, “wake up.”
Hankyung does wake up but the alcohol is still in his system. He sees Heechul crying in front of him and he worries, “Babe,” he asks her, “what’s wrong?”
Heechul goes closer to Hankyung and doesn’t realize how close her face was to Hankyung’s. “I don’t know.”
“Babe,” Hankyung cups her face, “I’m here.” Without thinking and thanks to the alcohol, Hankyung brings Heechul’s lips to his. Heechul, surprised, tenses there with her eyes opening wide while Hankyung’s eyes close. Hankyung feels the tears on Heechul’s face and just continues kissing her. After only a few seconds, he pulls away and his eyes slightly open so he can whisper to Heechul’s lips, “It’s okay. Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.”
Heechul sighs and Hankyung feels Heechul’s breath on his lips. Then, Heechul whispers, “What are you going to do?”
“Just trust me and don’t be scared,” Hankyung whispers back. “It’s just me,” and he gently pushes his lips back onto Heechul’s.
A few minutes later, Heechul ends up with her back on the floor with Hankyung on top of her. Their lips were still together and Heechul’s right hand was over her head as Hankyung’s left was holding that hand, their fingers intertwined together.
One night, I was drinking with some friends. I was only 17 and my family knew that I’d be out with some friends. There were only five of us, 3 girls and 2 boys. We were drinking and just having fun. Among the girls, I’m the strongest drinker but the boys were better than me. It was late at night and the two girls were already fast asleep. One of the boys was also asleep and the other one was, like me, awake. We were at one of the girl’s home and her parents were in the home too. I was drunk and falling asleep. I was too drunk but I remember what happened. I was drunk and the boy was also drunk but not as drunk as me. I remember that he brought me out of the house and brought me to the woods nearby. He pushed me against a tree and he started touching me everywhere. The feeling was so foreign and scary. I’ve never done those things before. He was touching me and kissing me everywhere. He also kissed my lips but I shut my lips because I didn’t want it. I was also whispering pleads for him to stop, but he didn’t stop. I really didn’t want it. His hand was fondling my breast and his other hand was caressing my thigh. My hands were on his hands and I was trying to push him away, but I couldn’t. I was too weak -too drunk. I was also crying. I didn’t want it -I really didn’t.
Then, someone pulls the guy away from me. I look and I see my brother punching the guy. He was angry and he was screaming at the guy. My brother punched him around three to four times before the guy ran away in his still drunk state. When my brother looked at me, I fell to my knees and I started crying rather badly. My brother then came over to me and kneeled down to fix my messy and half open clothes. I felt embarrassed because he’s my brother and he had to see me half naked, he had to see me in that situation. He even fixed my clothes for me as I cried. When he was done, he carried me in his arms and brought me home. I even fell asleep in his arms.
The next day, I was expecting Kangin to talk to me about it. I also expected him to tell our parents about it, but he didn’t. He did, however, talked to me about it a week after that event happened. He told me that he didn’t bring the topic up with me because he didn’t want me to feel awkward. He wanted me to feel better about it before I start talking about it. I remember crying again and Kangin scolded me for being too careless.
He scolded me. He did save me, but I didn’t want to be scolded. Instead of giving me comfortable words, he scolded me and accused me of being too careless as he also raised his voice.
The following day after, I went back to drinking with people again.
Heechul pushes Hankyung away from her. Hankyung looks at her with surprise written on his face. Heechul just didn’t want this. She really didn’t want this. So, immediately, she disappears from underneath Hankyung.
Heechul just disappears into a foreign place that she didn’t know used to be her home. It’s Awa, Japan. She doesn’t know how she got there either. Fairies can’t teleport in the fairy realm but they can in the human realm. It’s just like how they can read human minds but not fairy minds. Anyway, she’s in a forest and she remembers another memory.
=====
“Why are you doing this?” Kangin shouts at Heechul who’s walking away from him in the woods. “Heechul, stop walking!”
Heechul does stop walking and turns around to scream at Kangin, “I hate you! I hate all of you!”
“Stop being like this! No one knew about it!” Kangin screams back.
“I hate you!” Heechul screams again as tears start to fall down from her eyes. “I hate you!”
Kangin sighs and looks at Heechul gently in the eyes. He’s older than her so he has to take care of her. He was only 17 though and Heechul 13.
“I hate you!” Heechul shouts before falling onto her knees. She hits the ground with her fist and keeps on crying. “I hate everyone.”
Kangin walks to Heechul and kneels down in front of her. “I’m sorry,” he tells her. “I’m really sorry.”
“I hate you,” Heechul sobs out. She just found out that she doesn’t really belong to her family. She just found out that their father has been sleeping with numerous women wherein she is actually a child of one of her father’s wild escapades. She just found out that her father slept with this young girl and when he woke up the next day, the girl was gone but a baby girl was that young girl’s space. Her father felt as if he had to take care of her and brought her home. “I hate you!” Heechul keeps on shouting.
“Heechul,” Kangin puts his hand on her shoulder, “I’ll always be your brother.”
Heechul, growing up in traditional Japan, knows of the sexual freedom in her country and knows that men usually don’t have emotional feelings towards their wives. The wives are just there to be a mother and to run the household. She’s aware that her parents have multiple partners and what hurt her was not the part of her father being unfaithful. What hurt her was the part where she finds out that this family is not her own family. After the death of her sister, she has to find out that she’s not related to them. Ever since she was a small child, she has always wondered why she doesn’t look like her family. Her sister and Kangin looked alike. Why was she different? Well, now she knows.
The following year, their grandfather dies. It was devastation to the two siblings.
====
Heechul lets herself fall to the ground and cry.
++
In the fairy realm, Kangin is with Yesung on a rock. It was quiet until Kangin looks at Yesung and asks him, “do you want to go to the human world?”
Yesung, who was lounging on the rock raises his eyebrow and asks, “I thought you hated the human world.”
Kangin grins, “Well, it’s been such a long time since I went there. Maybe it changed. Besides, you’ve never even been there yet. So, shall we go?”
Yesung shrugs his shoulders and says, “Sure. I don’t mind.”
The two don’t know the consequences of what will happen once Yesung enters the human world.
+++
Hankyung just finished class and he’s already at home wherein he’s walking to his room. It’s been a few days already and Heechul still hasn’t returned and it’s worrying him. He wants to look for her too but he knows that it’s useless to look for a fairy who can fly, change her size, and transport from one realm to another. He’s been on the lookout though and has told everyone who knows about Heechul to be on the lookout for her.
When Hankyung reaches his room, he freezes on the spot and his eyes open wide. He quickly enters his room and shuts the door tight, locking it then throwing his bag to the corner. His heart is beating fast and he can swear that he’ll die of a heart attack or heart failure within a few minutes. It’s because in front of him are two male fairies. He’s met Kangin before and Kangin scares him. His pure green eyes were just so haunting. Beside Kangin is someone who he’s never met before, it’s Yesung. Hankyung is aware that Kangin controls the Earth and it’s obvious that Yesung has the same power because the colors of their clothes are of a shade of green. Like Kangin, Yesung scares Hankyung. The reason for that is because of the huge tattoo that stretches from the side of Yesung’s left eye going down to his hip. There were intricate designs and the tattoo was of pure black. Yesung’s dark pitched eyes didn’t help in calming Hankyung’s fear either. Another thing that scared Hankyung is the fact that Kangin is Heechul’s brother. No guy ever wants to deal with girls’ brothers.
“You,” Kangin approaches Hankyung and tells him, “teach me how to pretend to be human. I actually gained enough human emotions to be able to act human, but the world has changed since I last visited the human world. It changed a lot. Groom me to be able to pretend to be human.”
Behind them, Yesung goes to the small TV on a table that’s to the side of Hankyung’s bed that’s pushed against the wall. He stares at the TV and starts knocking on it.
“Also,” Kangin keeps on talking as he doesn’t even sense the fear from Hankyung, “make sure that you can make me act like a human within four days. Introduce me to Eeteuk.”
Hankyung’s cocks an eyebrow up, “Eeteuk?” He remembers Heechul’s story of Eeteuk but he also remembers that fairies don’t remember their human memories fully so he doesn’t say anything about what Heechul told him. So, he asks instead, “What do you want from Eeteuk?”
“It’s none of your business,” says Kangin. “I just need to see her to confirm something.”
Hankyung nods. This is better than a furious Kangin out to hurt him because he hurt Heechul who he still needs to find. Also, he knows better to say no to a fairy who can easily kill him.
Then, someone shrieks. Kangin and Hankyung look at Yesung and see him grinning at the TV that he just turned on. Kangin just looks at the TV. He has seen human innovations before that, despite this being the first time he’s seen a modern TV turned on, it doesn’t affect him the way it affects Yesung who, apparently, is unbelievably amazed. He even has a grin on his face and he’s pointing at the people in the TV. “This is awesome! Is this another realm?” Yesung then waves at the people in the TV, “Hi! Can you hear me?”
Kangin looks down and Hankyung’s eye twitches.
End of Chapter 4.A
Rating: PG - 13
Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Gender switch, Romance, Drama, Angst, Humor
Pairings in this chapter: Hankyung/girl!Heechul, slight Kangin/girl!Eeteuk, slight Siwon/girl!Kibum
Summary: Fairies know about human emotions. Fairies don’t cry because they are never hurt enough and they don’t fall in love because of numerous reasons that fairies cannot even explain. Fairies, however, don’t want to experience the pain that humans feel. They sometimes wonder, but they don’t want to experience it for they are experiencing happiness in their realm. Only few fairies leave the realm, but they only do it because of curiosity. Some of those who have visited the human world don’t ever go back to the human world. They say it’s because of the pain that they see happening in the human world that’s keeping them from going back there.
A week later, Siwon’s talking to Heechul in the bookstore late that night where only he and his friends were in it.
“So, her name is Kibum,” Siwon smiles and looks away. They’re both at the café area and waiting for the others to finish cleaning up. “So,” Siwon looks back at Heechul, “can’t you really bring her here?”
Heechul shakes her head, “She doesn’t like being here. She told me already. She said that she’s been here before and she doesn’t want to come back here.”
Siwon wonders, “can I go to the fairy world?”
Heechul looks away to think then looks back at Siwon. “You’ll end up stepping on all of us. We’re all fairy size and you’d be a giant if you go there.”
Siwon pouts and looks down.
Heechul then wonders, “Why are you always looking for Kibum?”
Siwon answers, “I have a crush on her. Isn’t it obvious?”
Heechul asks, “what’s a crush?”
Siwon’s eye twitches. He then hears someone walking towards them that h looks back and sees Sungmin walking towards them. He stands up from his seat, and grabs Sungmin’s wrist to bring her to his chair and make her sit down. “Heechul wants to have a girl talk so talk to her.”
Sungmin looks at Heechul who stares at her as Siwon walks away from them.
“What do you want to know?” Sungmin asks Heechul.
“What’s a crush?”
Sungmin laughs. Her eyes close and she holds her stomach as she continues laughing.
Heechul wonders, “what’s so funny?” She seriously doesn’t know.
“Heechul,” Sungmin calms down and holds her hand that’s on the table. “A crush is when a person is attracted to someone. When you have a crush, you always want to be with that person. You always think of that person. It’s when you like a person. A crush is different from a friend. I’m your friend, Heechul. A crush is something much more.”
Heechul then looks at the bookshelves where she sees Hankyung putting some books on the shelf. Her eyes somehow soften as she asks Sungmin while her eyes are on Hankyung, “then, do I have a crush on Hankyung?”
Sungmin smiles and tightens her hold on Heechul’s hand. “I think he has a crush on you.”
Kyuhyun was walking towards them and stopped when he heard their conversation. He stops in his walking when Heechul asked Sungmin if she has a crush on Hankyung. A smile comes onto his face and he turns around to go to the cashier again. There, he grabs his phone and texts Sungmin.
In a matter of seconds, Sungmin’s phone rings and she takes it out to see who messaged her considering that it’s already late at night. When she sees the text though, she smiles. Immediately, she stands up and acts a scene. “Oh my gosh!” She squeals and everyone looks at her. Siwon even came out of the backroom with Shindong to see what happened. “Oh my gosh!” Sungmin squeals again, “my sister’s friend just dropped out of their trip to this resort! I have to go pack now since we have to catch the plane! This is unexpected but this is so good!” Sungmin quickly grabs her things and runs to the door. “Bye, guys!” She waves at all of them and runs out of the bookstore.
When the door closed, Kyuhyun looks at Hankyung and smiles from the cashier. Hankyung notices that smile and looks at him. Then, Kyuhyun mischievously asks him, “So, where would Heechul stay at now?”
++
“Hankyung,” Heechul sits on Hankyung’s bed and looks at him as he puts his things on his desk, “do you have a crush on me?”
Hankyung stiffens and looks at Heechul. “What?”
“Do you have a crush on me?”
Hankyung turns red. He doesn’t have a crush on her, right? After all, she’s a clueless fairy who brings nothing but headache to Hankyung.
“Hankyung?”
Well, does he?
“Hankyung?”
“Heechul,” Hankyung looks down then realizes that whatever Hankyung would say wouldn’t really matter because Heechul hasn’t experienced that emotion yet. So, he says the first thing that comes to his mind, “I do.”
Heechul smiles. She doesn’t know why, but she feels happy hearing that.
“Heechul,” Hankyung walks over to Heechul and sits by her, “why did you ask that?”
“Well,” Heechul looks straight into Hankyung’s eyes, not feeling any sparks unlike what Hankyung was feeling, and answers, “I think I have a crush on you.”
Unlike Heechul, Hankyung’s eyes widened. His heart starts beating fast but then he realizes, does Heechul know what she’s talking about?
Before Hankyung can even say anything, Heechul says another thing, “What’s soju?”
Hankyung’s jaw drops. “What?”
“I heard Kyuhyun and Siwon talking about it,” says Heechul. “They said that it’s a drink and that I should ask you about it. Can you give me some of it?”
Hankyung looks around and wonders, do fairies have tolerance for alcohol? He wonders.
Heechul, apparently, was reading his mind. “I don’t know. What’s alcohol?”
Hankyung’s eye twitches and he says, “Fine, I have some downstairs. Wait for me.”
++
An hour later, both Hankyung and Heechul are on the floor. Hankyung’s back is against his bed and Heechul’s still sitting upright. Hankyung even has a silly grin on his face and is rather thankful that he doesn’t have class the next day. He’s also proud that he and Heechul were able to stay quiet the whole time they were drinking too. However, he’s not proud that he’s already drunk and Heechul’s still sober.
He comes to a conclusion that fairies are strong with alcohol and falls asleep.
When Heechul notices that he’s sleeping already, Heechul goes to sit right beside Hankyung so that she can fall asleep right next to him, her head on his shoulder and her hand on top of his lap.
I’m drinking again. I can’t stop drinking. Alcohol is my addiction. I won’t deny that. I started drinking when I was 13, when I found out that I’m not really blood related with the family I came to believe is my family. I do not dishonor my family, but I do whatever I want.
Alcohol is my addiction.
Why?
Because I want to be happy -or at least I want to feel temporary happiness.
I don’t know. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to feel and I don’t know how to act. Most people see me as someone entertaining as I’m always just, well, me. I entertain them and I make them laugh. With those people, even if I feel so happy with them, I can’t help but think that they only see me as an entertaining monkey. They only want to be around me because I’m an entertaining person, yet they don’t want to be around me because they care for me. Other people see me as someone cold and negative or depressed or tired. It’s because with those people, I don’t know how to act. When I meet a person, I examine them to see how I would entertain them. With those people, I find it hard to read them and I feel as if my entertaining side won’t actually make them laugh. They sometimes see me with those people who I do entertain, and they wonder why I’m never like that when I’m with them. Frankly, I don’t know.
Sometimes, I just don’t know.
Actually, most of the time, I don’t know.
Who am I really?
Am I entertaining and full of life? Or am I colder than ice and darker than night?
I don’t know.
Actually, I do know
The reason why my personality isn’t stable is not because of culture and not because I feel awkward with some people, it’s because I’m scared and hurt. There’s too much pain in me and if I don’t get rid of this pain, my personality would only get worse. However, I can handle this. I am me after all. I can handle all of this.
There’s too much pain in me because I can’t get the pain out. I want to meet someone who can help me, someone who can make me show the real me. I want to meet someone who can make me comfortable enough to cry. I want to meet someone who’ll hold me and tell me that everything is okay, not someone who’ll leave me alone when I tell them that I want to be alone. The only reason why I want to be alone is because I want to handle my emotions myself. However, I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s hard. I just want to break down and cry. I want someone to help me. I want real friends and I want a real family.
Because of all this pain, I started drinking alcohol. I saw some people drinking it and becoming happy.
Alcohol is my addiction.
Heechul then wakes up with tears in her eyes. She’s on Hankyung’s chest and she feels warm being on top of him. She then looks up and her tears start to fall. She looks at the clock and it reads 4:13am. Heechul knows that Hankyung doesn’t have school since it’s Sunday so she wakes him up. “Hankyung, please,” she’s softly patting his cheek, “wake up.”
Hankyung does wake up but the alcohol is still in his system. He sees Heechul crying in front of him and he worries, “Babe,” he asks her, “what’s wrong?”
Heechul goes closer to Hankyung and doesn’t realize how close her face was to Hankyung’s. “I don’t know.”
“Babe,” Hankyung cups her face, “I’m here.” Without thinking and thanks to the alcohol, Hankyung brings Heechul’s lips to his. Heechul, surprised, tenses there with her eyes opening wide while Hankyung’s eyes close. Hankyung feels the tears on Heechul’s face and just continues kissing her. After only a few seconds, he pulls away and his eyes slightly open so he can whisper to Heechul’s lips, “It’s okay. Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.”
Heechul sighs and Hankyung feels Heechul’s breath on his lips. Then, Heechul whispers, “What are you going to do?”
“Just trust me and don’t be scared,” Hankyung whispers back. “It’s just me,” and he gently pushes his lips back onto Heechul’s.
A few minutes later, Heechul ends up with her back on the floor with Hankyung on top of her. Their lips were still together and Heechul’s right hand was over her head as Hankyung’s left was holding that hand, their fingers intertwined together.
One night, I was drinking with some friends. I was only 17 and my family knew that I’d be out with some friends. There were only five of us, 3 girls and 2 boys. We were drinking and just having fun. Among the girls, I’m the strongest drinker but the boys were better than me. It was late at night and the two girls were already fast asleep. One of the boys was also asleep and the other one was, like me, awake. We were at one of the girl’s home and her parents were in the home too. I was drunk and falling asleep. I was too drunk but I remember what happened. I was drunk and the boy was also drunk but not as drunk as me. I remember that he brought me out of the house and brought me to the woods nearby. He pushed me against a tree and he started touching me everywhere. The feeling was so foreign and scary. I’ve never done those things before. He was touching me and kissing me everywhere. He also kissed my lips but I shut my lips because I didn’t want it. I was also whispering pleads for him to stop, but he didn’t stop. I really didn’t want it. His hand was fondling my breast and his other hand was caressing my thigh. My hands were on his hands and I was trying to push him away, but I couldn’t. I was too weak -too drunk. I was also crying. I didn’t want it -I really didn’t.
Then, someone pulls the guy away from me. I look and I see my brother punching the guy. He was angry and he was screaming at the guy. My brother punched him around three to four times before the guy ran away in his still drunk state. When my brother looked at me, I fell to my knees and I started crying rather badly. My brother then came over to me and kneeled down to fix my messy and half open clothes. I felt embarrassed because he’s my brother and he had to see me half naked, he had to see me in that situation. He even fixed my clothes for me as I cried. When he was done, he carried me in his arms and brought me home. I even fell asleep in his arms.
The next day, I was expecting Kangin to talk to me about it. I also expected him to tell our parents about it, but he didn’t. He did, however, talked to me about it a week after that event happened. He told me that he didn’t bring the topic up with me because he didn’t want me to feel awkward. He wanted me to feel better about it before I start talking about it. I remember crying again and Kangin scolded me for being too careless.
He scolded me. He did save me, but I didn’t want to be scolded. Instead of giving me comfortable words, he scolded me and accused me of being too careless as he also raised his voice.
The following day after, I went back to drinking with people again.
Heechul pushes Hankyung away from her. Hankyung looks at her with surprise written on his face. Heechul just didn’t want this. She really didn’t want this. So, immediately, she disappears from underneath Hankyung.
Heechul just disappears into a foreign place that she didn’t know used to be her home. It’s Awa, Japan. She doesn’t know how she got there either. Fairies can’t teleport in the fairy realm but they can in the human realm. It’s just like how they can read human minds but not fairy minds. Anyway, she’s in a forest and she remembers another memory.
=====
“Why are you doing this?” Kangin shouts at Heechul who’s walking away from him in the woods. “Heechul, stop walking!”
Heechul does stop walking and turns around to scream at Kangin, “I hate you! I hate all of you!”
“Stop being like this! No one knew about it!” Kangin screams back.
“I hate you!” Heechul screams again as tears start to fall down from her eyes. “I hate you!”
Kangin sighs and looks at Heechul gently in the eyes. He’s older than her so he has to take care of her. He was only 17 though and Heechul 13.
“I hate you!” Heechul shouts before falling onto her knees. She hits the ground with her fist and keeps on crying. “I hate everyone.”
Kangin walks to Heechul and kneels down in front of her. “I’m sorry,” he tells her. “I’m really sorry.”
“I hate you,” Heechul sobs out. She just found out that she doesn’t really belong to her family. She just found out that their father has been sleeping with numerous women wherein she is actually a child of one of her father’s wild escapades. She just found out that her father slept with this young girl and when he woke up the next day, the girl was gone but a baby girl was that young girl’s space. Her father felt as if he had to take care of her and brought her home. “I hate you!” Heechul keeps on shouting.
“Heechul,” Kangin puts his hand on her shoulder, “I’ll always be your brother.”
Heechul, growing up in traditional Japan, knows of the sexual freedom in her country and knows that men usually don’t have emotional feelings towards their wives. The wives are just there to be a mother and to run the household. She’s aware that her parents have multiple partners and what hurt her was not the part of her father being unfaithful. What hurt her was the part where she finds out that this family is not her own family. After the death of her sister, she has to find out that she’s not related to them. Ever since she was a small child, she has always wondered why she doesn’t look like her family. Her sister and Kangin looked alike. Why was she different? Well, now she knows.
The following year, their grandfather dies. It was devastation to the two siblings.
====
Heechul lets herself fall to the ground and cry.
++
In the fairy realm, Kangin is with Yesung on a rock. It was quiet until Kangin looks at Yesung and asks him, “do you want to go to the human world?”
Yesung, who was lounging on the rock raises his eyebrow and asks, “I thought you hated the human world.”
Kangin grins, “Well, it’s been such a long time since I went there. Maybe it changed. Besides, you’ve never even been there yet. So, shall we go?”
Yesung shrugs his shoulders and says, “Sure. I don’t mind.”
The two don’t know the consequences of what will happen once Yesung enters the human world.
+++
Hankyung just finished class and he’s already at home wherein he’s walking to his room. It’s been a few days already and Heechul still hasn’t returned and it’s worrying him. He wants to look for her too but he knows that it’s useless to look for a fairy who can fly, change her size, and transport from one realm to another. He’s been on the lookout though and has told everyone who knows about Heechul to be on the lookout for her.
When Hankyung reaches his room, he freezes on the spot and his eyes open wide. He quickly enters his room and shuts the door tight, locking it then throwing his bag to the corner. His heart is beating fast and he can swear that he’ll die of a heart attack or heart failure within a few minutes. It’s because in front of him are two male fairies. He’s met Kangin before and Kangin scares him. His pure green eyes were just so haunting. Beside Kangin is someone who he’s never met before, it’s Yesung. Hankyung is aware that Kangin controls the Earth and it’s obvious that Yesung has the same power because the colors of their clothes are of a shade of green. Like Kangin, Yesung scares Hankyung. The reason for that is because of the huge tattoo that stretches from the side of Yesung’s left eye going down to his hip. There were intricate designs and the tattoo was of pure black. Yesung’s dark pitched eyes didn’t help in calming Hankyung’s fear either. Another thing that scared Hankyung is the fact that Kangin is Heechul’s brother. No guy ever wants to deal with girls’ brothers.
“You,” Kangin approaches Hankyung and tells him, “teach me how to pretend to be human. I actually gained enough human emotions to be able to act human, but the world has changed since I last visited the human world. It changed a lot. Groom me to be able to pretend to be human.”
Behind them, Yesung goes to the small TV on a table that’s to the side of Hankyung’s bed that’s pushed against the wall. He stares at the TV and starts knocking on it.
“Also,” Kangin keeps on talking as he doesn’t even sense the fear from Hankyung, “make sure that you can make me act like a human within four days. Introduce me to Eeteuk.”
Hankyung’s cocks an eyebrow up, “Eeteuk?” He remembers Heechul’s story of Eeteuk but he also remembers that fairies don’t remember their human memories fully so he doesn’t say anything about what Heechul told him. So, he asks instead, “What do you want from Eeteuk?”
“It’s none of your business,” says Kangin. “I just need to see her to confirm something.”
Hankyung nods. This is better than a furious Kangin out to hurt him because he hurt Heechul who he still needs to find. Also, he knows better to say no to a fairy who can easily kill him.
Then, someone shrieks. Kangin and Hankyung look at Yesung and see him grinning at the TV that he just turned on. Kangin just looks at the TV. He has seen human innovations before that, despite this being the first time he’s seen a modern TV turned on, it doesn’t affect him the way it affects Yesung who, apparently, is unbelievably amazed. He even has a grin on his face and he’s pointing at the people in the TV. “This is awesome! Is this another realm?” Yesung then waves at the people in the TV, “Hi! Can you hear me?”
Kangin looks down and Hankyung’s eye twitches.
End of Chapter 4.A