Bad Enough For You: Chapter 24
Title: Bad Enough For You.
Chapter: 24
Chapter's title: I'm a mess and you're worse.
Author: Valentina or valeohyeah
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
Summary: If being a jerk was what Jack needed to get Alex to realise he liked him then god dammit, the jerkest jerk he would become.
Disclaimer: This story is as real as my massive lady penis. Title goes to "Bad Enough For You" by All Time Low and the chapter's title is from "One Of THOSE Nights" by The Cab.
Masterpost
Alex had realised he was very good at this acting thing, pretending that he was totally fine when he really just wanted to punch life in its stupid face. He was so fucking great at it he even managed to fool himself most of the times.
So Jack had loved him for more than a year and Alex had been too blind to notice it. So what?
So Jack had pretended to be something he wasn't just to catch Alex's attention. So what?
So Jack had finally admitted being in love with Alex for more than a year and had also admitted to be playing the little jerk attitude to have Alex wrapped around his pretty little finger.
So fucking what.
Alex was okay.
Really, Alex was okay.
Sure it had stung a little, Jack's mean words. But the blonde boy was sure they were just a product of rejection. A way for Jack to defend himself and his feelings.
Alex would have had done the same thing before.
Seriously, Alex. Was. Okay.
Only he really was just fooling himself.
**
"So... uh, I kind of wanted to apologize for all the bullshit that's been going on in between all of us lately." Rian mumbled on a Tuesday afternoon, sitting cross-legged on Zack's bed and feeling a little bit odd because of the fact that they were just three when they should be four best friends hanging out after school.
"Why? You didn't fuck everything up." Alex said cynically, pushing the buttons of the joystick he was holding onto and not even taking his eyes off the TV screen.
"I did know about Jack's plan, though." The younger boy muttered, looking at the way Alex's knuckles turned white when he tried to squeeze the controller in his hands.
"You knew?" Zack asked, taken aback by Rian's honest words.
"Yeah... but I swear to God I didn't know this was gonna get so outta hands, Alex. You know me, I would have tried to stop it," and okay, the blonde boy couldn't be mad at his friend because it was true, Rian would have tried to put an end to all the drama. So he just sighed and paused his game, turning to look at the shorter boy.
"It's ok," he managed a small smile. "I knew we wouldn't last that long, anyway..." he trailed off, biting his lip.
"So how are you holding up?" The green-eyed boy asked as he looked through the videogames piled up on his desk.
"I'm fine, I guess..." He shrugged, eyes immediately searching for Rian's face to see the way his eyebrows were raised in this 'don't lie to me' way. "Okay, I'm not fine, but what the fuck do you want me to say, huh?" He asked bitterly, "I'm not feeling peachy or as if I'm jumping on cotton candy clouds. I feel like locking myself in my bedroom and listening to Adele all fucking day long with endless supplies of candy and ice cream, okay? I just-" he bit his lip again, blinking back the burning in his eyes, keeping his tears at bay... for now. "I just can't understand why did he have to go through all that just to get me to like him, I mean. I don't deserve him. I dated Jonathan for fucking Christ's sake, who can deserve someone like Jack when you've had Jonathan's dick up your ass?" He asked, more to himself than to his two friends, who now had pretty grossed out faces because okay, they had nothing wrong against Alex's sexuality, as long as he kept those details to himself.
"Why um, why don't you try to talk things through with him? I'm not saying that you two should get back together, because you shouldn't," Rian said, giving him the pleading eyes. "But at least just to try to be friends again? You know, a clean slate. I know you two can work it all out if you really want to."
No. No no, that was not okay, Alex didn't wanna talk to the dark-haired boy, didn't want to face the disaster, or what was left of it, didn't wanna have to see Jack's pained face ever again in his life, didn't wanna express what he felt in case the younger boy hurt him again, for as much as he tried to deny it. He didn't wanna talk to Jack because that would mean either working things through or fucking whatever hope was left for the two of them up. Why couldn't Rian understand that, why did Alex have to talk about his stupid feelings, why was everything going downhill for him?
"I-I can't talk to him, Ri," the blonde boy muttered, shaking his head. "Besides, it's been four days since we broke up," but who's counting, right? "And he hasn't tried to talk to me, why would I have to be the one to talk to him?"
Rian slowly shook his head and suddenly there was a hint of sadness in his light brown eyes.
"He's devastated, Lex. Look, I'm not blaming anybody, because you both knew what being together could cause and yet you went for it... and don't try to deny it," he added, when the oldest boy opened his mouth to complain. "But if you think about it, he was the one that had to go through heaven and hell to be with you. And once he found the courage to tell you what he had been feeling for at least a year and a half... boom, you blew up on him... I'm not saying Jack's actions are your fault, but c'mon." And yeah, yeah it made a lot of sense if Alex thought about it.
"Yeah, I guess you're right..." He trailed off, biting his lip. "I wouldn't wanna talk to myself either." There was a short pause where Rian and Zack waited for the blonde boy to keep talking, and when he didn't, Zack sighed.
"Look, I get it. It's too soon for you to talk to him. Trust me; it has happened to me before. But the sooner you talk to him, the sooner things will go back to normal... or as normal as they can get... the point is, things will get better." He said, patting Alex's shoulder and smiling sympathetically at him. "But, for now, let's just play a few rounds of NFL, I really feel like you need to get your ass kicked." At that, Alex grinned for the first time after what had seemed like forever, eagerly nodding and calling the Ravens as his team.
"Thank you, though." He said, smiling at both Rian and Zack, a few minutes later. "I don't know what would I do without you guys." Rian grinned at him and opened his mouth to probably say something really motherly towards the blonde boy, only they never heard any of it because Zack cut him off.
"Yeah, yeah, save the mommy attitude for when you knock Cassadee up, will you?" He smirked, making Alex giggle loudly at Rian's sulking face.
**
Now Jack, on the other hand, couldn't find the willpower in himself to act as if he were fine, and he was also pretty fucking sick of pretending to be someone or something he wasn't.
There wasn't a moment of his pathetic days where he didn't regret telling Alex he loved him, though. But what could he do about it, now that the damage was already done about?
Exactly.
So he just slumped his shoulders and didn't even bother hiding his pain.
"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat, honey?" Joyce Barakat asked her son softly, sitting down on his bed and brushing the black and blonde fringe off his dark watery eyes.
"I'm not hungry, mom." He mumbled, sniffing and burying his face in his pillow. The blonde woman sighed sadly and rubbed Jack's shoulders gently, trying to find the right words to say to cheer her baby son up.
"You're going to be okay, you know?" She asked slowly. "You and Alex will get over this... whatever was it that happened in between the two of you, and will be laughing about this in no time." Jack smiled at her mother's weak attempts to make him feel better. It didn't mean that he believed her, though. Nope, getting back together, even being friends, seemed like such an impossible thing and he wasn't about to go and put it all on the table, again, only to get his heart broken... again.
"I-I know we will, mom. It's just uh... hard... at the moment." He stuttered, only to keep his mother happy.
"Okay, just remember you can talk to me, okay?" Joyce smiled, patting her son's cheek affectionately and standing up from the boy's bed.
Once Jack was left all by himself, he lay on his back on top of the Superman themed duvet that he never cared to change because Alex thought was so fucking awesome, although he was definitely not thinking about it, and sighed loudly, trying to picture himself and Alex actually making up, getting back together, being best friends again... hell, anything if it meant that he'd get to keep the blonde boy in his life.
His thoughts were all of a sudden cut off, however, when "Skater Boy" by Avril Lavigne buzzed through the speakers of his phone, making him laugh loudly because he had forgotten about how Alex and Rian had changed all of his ringtones back a few months ago, causing him to go through very awkward moments in the most random places.
He stopped laughing, though, when he remembered how Zack was still kinda mad at him not even a week ago, and just the mere thought of having to hear his friend snarl at him about Alex made him wince.
He hit the 'ignore call' button and rubbed at his itchy eyes with his knuckles, groaning when Zack called him again... and again... and fucking again, and it wasn't until the fourth time that he called with no such luck that Jack's phone buzzed with a new text.
Please pick up, i just wanna apologize to u for acting like a dick
"Oookay, that changes things," the dark-haired boy mumbled to himself, dialing his friend's number and biting his lip as he waited for the older boy to pick up.
"Hi, Jack," Zack's calm voice greeted him.
"What's up?" He asked as casually as he managed to. Truth be told yeah, he was kind of really nervous about what Zack was gonna say, despite the fact that he was just "apologizing".
"Not much, I just got home from Tracy's," Zack said, and the brown-eyed boy was sure his friend hadn't meant to, but mentioning his girlfriend made Jack's lungs sting with what he had realised over the days that was what he felt whenever he thought of Alex, which was all the fucking time, by the way. "But anyway, how are you feeling, bro?" He asked, concern evident in his voice.
"Um..." Jack thought about lying to his friend, but Zack probably knew about how shitty he was feeling already. "I don't know, man. I guess I'm just waiting for the moment it'll stop hurting this much, as everybody keeps telling me it will." He muttered, running his free hand through his dirty strands of hair.
"Well, I know this will sound a little bit too repetitive, then... but time heals everything, Jay. Trust me, it will all get better." When the younger boy didn't reply, Zack sighed. "Anyhow, I wanted to apologize for treating you like shit these last few weeks. I uh, Rian told us he knew about your... plan, yeah, and I-" the dark-haired boy cut Zack off before he could continue rambling.
"Please don't be mad at Rian, I made him keep the secret because I thought I could do it, but I clearly couldn't, after all," he grunted bitterly, feeling the too familiar burning in his eyes threatening him again... mocking him.
"No, no I'm not mad at Rian," Zack assured his friend, and immediately changed the subject to the thing Jack didn't wanna have to talk about ever again. "Are you gonna talk to Alex?" He almost whispered, and the younger boy was almost 100% sure his friend was biting his lip.
"No, I don't wanna talk to him, Zee. I don't see a reason to. We fight, we move on, we find someone else, we live happily ever after." Only who was he kidding, right?
Not Zack, that was clear. For he scoffed and made a weird snorting noise that the younger boy couldn't quite place.
"Are you fucking telling me that after two years of being impossibly in love with him you're just gonna let him walk away that easily? Man, I thought this whole thing of becoming a jerk so that Alex would fall for you showed how determined you were, seems like I was wrong." He said coolly, and it made Jack fucking angry, because who the fuck did Zack think he was to be saying bullshit like that about him?
"I'm not fucking scared, if that's what you're trying to say, okay? I just can't find a reason for me to go and open my heart to him again only to get rejected... again. And Alex can perfectly talk to me as well; give me a call, even a stupid text would do." By this point, Jack's tear-stained cheeks were damp again, big fat tears rolling down the pale skin and he didn't even attempt to wipe them away, it was useless, really.
"Okay, I get it... but I'm sure he feels the same way about you, you know? You did blow up on him after all." Zack replied, and yeah, he was right, but Jack wasn't being rational right now.
"I know, I know. I... look, I'll think about it, okay?" He said, only to keep his friend happy and off his fucking back.
"Okay," Zack said, oblivious to his friend's intentions. "I'll see you around then, man."
"Yeah, see you around, Zee." And with that final goodbye, Jack tossed his phone aside, hearing the loud click of the plastic against his wooden floor.
Maybe they were all right, if Jack thought about it. Maybe time would actually heal his wounds. Maybe he just needed to risk everything just one more time, for the sake of saving their friendship. Maybe Alex didn't wanna talk to him because he was afraid the dark-haired boy would take it all out on him again.
Well fuck them, maybe wasn't enough.
Next Chapter.
☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠
Author's Notes: I'm sorry for taking so long with this one, it was a bit hard to write because it's mostly feelings and dialogues and I'm not good with those, as you can see, but I promise I'll make it up in the next chapter.
Now I hate to say this, buuuuuuut my cousin is gonna be living with me for a week or so, meaning I won't be able to write as fast as I would like to because he's a nosy bastard incapable of spending a minute without annoying me D: but I swear I'll try to update as fast as possible.
Chapter: 24
Chapter's title: I'm a mess and you're worse.
Author: Valentina or valeohyeah
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
Summary: If being a jerk was what Jack needed to get Alex to realise he liked him then god dammit, the jerkest jerk he would become.
Disclaimer: This story is as real as my massive lady penis. Title goes to "Bad Enough For You" by All Time Low and the chapter's title is from "One Of THOSE Nights" by The Cab.
Masterpost
Alex had realised he was very good at this acting thing, pretending that he was totally fine when he really just wanted to punch life in its stupid face. He was so fucking great at it he even managed to fool himself most of the times.
So Jack had loved him for more than a year and Alex had been too blind to notice it. So what?
So Jack had pretended to be something he wasn't just to catch Alex's attention. So what?
So Jack had finally admitted being in love with Alex for more than a year and had also admitted to be playing the little jerk attitude to have Alex wrapped around his pretty little finger.
So fucking what.
Alex was okay.
Really, Alex was okay.
Sure it had stung a little, Jack's mean words. But the blonde boy was sure they were just a product of rejection. A way for Jack to defend himself and his feelings.
Alex would have had done the same thing before.
Seriously, Alex. Was. Okay.
Only he really was just fooling himself.
**
"So... uh, I kind of wanted to apologize for all the bullshit that's been going on in between all of us lately." Rian mumbled on a Tuesday afternoon, sitting cross-legged on Zack's bed and feeling a little bit odd because of the fact that they were just three when they should be four best friends hanging out after school.
"Why? You didn't fuck everything up." Alex said cynically, pushing the buttons of the joystick he was holding onto and not even taking his eyes off the TV screen.
"I did know about Jack's plan, though." The younger boy muttered, looking at the way Alex's knuckles turned white when he tried to squeeze the controller in his hands.
"You knew?" Zack asked, taken aback by Rian's honest words.
"Yeah... but I swear to God I didn't know this was gonna get so outta hands, Alex. You know me, I would have tried to stop it," and okay, the blonde boy couldn't be mad at his friend because it was true, Rian would have tried to put an end to all the drama. So he just sighed and paused his game, turning to look at the shorter boy.
"It's ok," he managed a small smile. "I knew we wouldn't last that long, anyway..." he trailed off, biting his lip.
"So how are you holding up?" The green-eyed boy asked as he looked through the videogames piled up on his desk.
"I'm fine, I guess..." He shrugged, eyes immediately searching for Rian's face to see the way his eyebrows were raised in this 'don't lie to me' way. "Okay, I'm not fine, but what the fuck do you want me to say, huh?" He asked bitterly, "I'm not feeling peachy or as if I'm jumping on cotton candy clouds. I feel like locking myself in my bedroom and listening to Adele all fucking day long with endless supplies of candy and ice cream, okay? I just-" he bit his lip again, blinking back the burning in his eyes, keeping his tears at bay... for now. "I just can't understand why did he have to go through all that just to get me to like him, I mean. I don't deserve him. I dated Jonathan for fucking Christ's sake, who can deserve someone like Jack when you've had Jonathan's dick up your ass?" He asked, more to himself than to his two friends, who now had pretty grossed out faces because okay, they had nothing wrong against Alex's sexuality, as long as he kept those details to himself.
"Why um, why don't you try to talk things through with him? I'm not saying that you two should get back together, because you shouldn't," Rian said, giving him the pleading eyes. "But at least just to try to be friends again? You know, a clean slate. I know you two can work it all out if you really want to."
No. No no, that was not okay, Alex didn't wanna talk to the dark-haired boy, didn't want to face the disaster, or what was left of it, didn't wanna have to see Jack's pained face ever again in his life, didn't wanna express what he felt in case the younger boy hurt him again, for as much as he tried to deny it. He didn't wanna talk to Jack because that would mean either working things through or fucking whatever hope was left for the two of them up. Why couldn't Rian understand that, why did Alex have to talk about his stupid feelings, why was everything going downhill for him?
"I-I can't talk to him, Ri," the blonde boy muttered, shaking his head. "Besides, it's been four days since we broke up," but who's counting, right? "And he hasn't tried to talk to me, why would I have to be the one to talk to him?"
Rian slowly shook his head and suddenly there was a hint of sadness in his light brown eyes.
"He's devastated, Lex. Look, I'm not blaming anybody, because you both knew what being together could cause and yet you went for it... and don't try to deny it," he added, when the oldest boy opened his mouth to complain. "But if you think about it, he was the one that had to go through heaven and hell to be with you. And once he found the courage to tell you what he had been feeling for at least a year and a half... boom, you blew up on him... I'm not saying Jack's actions are your fault, but c'mon." And yeah, yeah it made a lot of sense if Alex thought about it.
"Yeah, I guess you're right..." He trailed off, biting his lip. "I wouldn't wanna talk to myself either." There was a short pause where Rian and Zack waited for the blonde boy to keep talking, and when he didn't, Zack sighed.
"Look, I get it. It's too soon for you to talk to him. Trust me; it has happened to me before. But the sooner you talk to him, the sooner things will go back to normal... or as normal as they can get... the point is, things will get better." He said, patting Alex's shoulder and smiling sympathetically at him. "But, for now, let's just play a few rounds of NFL, I really feel like you need to get your ass kicked." At that, Alex grinned for the first time after what had seemed like forever, eagerly nodding and calling the Ravens as his team.
"Thank you, though." He said, smiling at both Rian and Zack, a few minutes later. "I don't know what would I do without you guys." Rian grinned at him and opened his mouth to probably say something really motherly towards the blonde boy, only they never heard any of it because Zack cut him off.
"Yeah, yeah, save the mommy attitude for when you knock Cassadee up, will you?" He smirked, making Alex giggle loudly at Rian's sulking face.
**
Now Jack, on the other hand, couldn't find the willpower in himself to act as if he were fine, and he was also pretty fucking sick of pretending to be someone or something he wasn't.
There wasn't a moment of his pathetic days where he didn't regret telling Alex he loved him, though. But what could he do about it, now that the damage was already done about?
Exactly.
So he just slumped his shoulders and didn't even bother hiding his pain.
"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat, honey?" Joyce Barakat asked her son softly, sitting down on his bed and brushing the black and blonde fringe off his dark watery eyes.
"I'm not hungry, mom." He mumbled, sniffing and burying his face in his pillow. The blonde woman sighed sadly and rubbed Jack's shoulders gently, trying to find the right words to say to cheer her baby son up.
"You're going to be okay, you know?" She asked slowly. "You and Alex will get over this... whatever was it that happened in between the two of you, and will be laughing about this in no time." Jack smiled at her mother's weak attempts to make him feel better. It didn't mean that he believed her, though. Nope, getting back together, even being friends, seemed like such an impossible thing and he wasn't about to go and put it all on the table, again, only to get his heart broken... again.
"I-I know we will, mom. It's just uh... hard... at the moment." He stuttered, only to keep his mother happy.
"Okay, just remember you can talk to me, okay?" Joyce smiled, patting her son's cheek affectionately and standing up from the boy's bed.
Once Jack was left all by himself, he lay on his back on top of the Superman themed duvet that he never cared to change because Alex thought was so fucking awesome, although he was definitely not thinking about it, and sighed loudly, trying to picture himself and Alex actually making up, getting back together, being best friends again... hell, anything if it meant that he'd get to keep the blonde boy in his life.
His thoughts were all of a sudden cut off, however, when "Skater Boy" by Avril Lavigne buzzed through the speakers of his phone, making him laugh loudly because he had forgotten about how Alex and Rian had changed all of his ringtones back a few months ago, causing him to go through very awkward moments in the most random places.
He stopped laughing, though, when he remembered how Zack was still kinda mad at him not even a week ago, and just the mere thought of having to hear his friend snarl at him about Alex made him wince.
He hit the 'ignore call' button and rubbed at his itchy eyes with his knuckles, groaning when Zack called him again... and again... and fucking again, and it wasn't until the fourth time that he called with no such luck that Jack's phone buzzed with a new text.
Please pick up, i just wanna apologize to u for acting like a dick
"Oookay, that changes things," the dark-haired boy mumbled to himself, dialing his friend's number and biting his lip as he waited for the older boy to pick up.
"Hi, Jack," Zack's calm voice greeted him.
"What's up?" He asked as casually as he managed to. Truth be told yeah, he was kind of really nervous about what Zack was gonna say, despite the fact that he was just "apologizing".
"Not much, I just got home from Tracy's," Zack said, and the brown-eyed boy was sure his friend hadn't meant to, but mentioning his girlfriend made Jack's lungs sting with what he had realised over the days that was what he felt whenever he thought of Alex, which was all the fucking time, by the way. "But anyway, how are you feeling, bro?" He asked, concern evident in his voice.
"Um..." Jack thought about lying to his friend, but Zack probably knew about how shitty he was feeling already. "I don't know, man. I guess I'm just waiting for the moment it'll stop hurting this much, as everybody keeps telling me it will." He muttered, running his free hand through his dirty strands of hair.
"Well, I know this will sound a little bit too repetitive, then... but time heals everything, Jay. Trust me, it will all get better." When the younger boy didn't reply, Zack sighed. "Anyhow, I wanted to apologize for treating you like shit these last few weeks. I uh, Rian told us he knew about your... plan, yeah, and I-" the dark-haired boy cut Zack off before he could continue rambling.
"Please don't be mad at Rian, I made him keep the secret because I thought I could do it, but I clearly couldn't, after all," he grunted bitterly, feeling the too familiar burning in his eyes threatening him again... mocking him.
"No, no I'm not mad at Rian," Zack assured his friend, and immediately changed the subject to the thing Jack didn't wanna have to talk about ever again. "Are you gonna talk to Alex?" He almost whispered, and the younger boy was almost 100% sure his friend was biting his lip.
"No, I don't wanna talk to him, Zee. I don't see a reason to. We fight, we move on, we find someone else, we live happily ever after." Only who was he kidding, right?
Not Zack, that was clear. For he scoffed and made a weird snorting noise that the younger boy couldn't quite place.
"Are you fucking telling me that after two years of being impossibly in love with him you're just gonna let him walk away that easily? Man, I thought this whole thing of becoming a jerk so that Alex would fall for you showed how determined you were, seems like I was wrong." He said coolly, and it made Jack fucking angry, because who the fuck did Zack think he was to be saying bullshit like that about him?
"I'm not fucking scared, if that's what you're trying to say, okay? I just can't find a reason for me to go and open my heart to him again only to get rejected... again. And Alex can perfectly talk to me as well; give me a call, even a stupid text would do." By this point, Jack's tear-stained cheeks were damp again, big fat tears rolling down the pale skin and he didn't even attempt to wipe them away, it was useless, really.
"Okay, I get it... but I'm sure he feels the same way about you, you know? You did blow up on him after all." Zack replied, and yeah, he was right, but Jack wasn't being rational right now.
"I know, I know. I... look, I'll think about it, okay?" He said, only to keep his friend happy and off his fucking back.
"Okay," Zack said, oblivious to his friend's intentions. "I'll see you around then, man."
"Yeah, see you around, Zee." And with that final goodbye, Jack tossed his phone aside, hearing the loud click of the plastic against his wooden floor.
Maybe they were all right, if Jack thought about it. Maybe time would actually heal his wounds. Maybe he just needed to risk everything just one more time, for the sake of saving their friendship. Maybe Alex didn't wanna talk to him because he was afraid the dark-haired boy would take it all out on him again.
Well fuck them, maybe wasn't enough.
Next Chapter.
☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠ • ☠
Author's Notes: I'm sorry for taking so long with this one, it was a bit hard to write because it's mostly feelings and dialogues and I'm not good with those, as you can see, but I promise I'll make it up in the next chapter.
Now I hate to say this, buuuuuuut my cousin is gonna be living with me for a week or so, meaning I won't be able to write as fast as I would like to because he's a nosy bastard incapable of spending a minute without annoying me D: but I swear I'll try to update as fast as possible.