Do people really outgrow fandom?
It's late and I am thoroughly worn out, but I wanted to get this down before it gets lost in a haze of Kappa coefficients tomorrow.
I've noticed in recent months that I have run out of patience with a lot of fanfic. I am and always have been a self-described fic snob, but these days it seems more and more like I discard far more fics two or three paragraphs in than I find good stories that I like, regardless of the fandom. It's possible that this is an off-shoot of the (probable) depression I've been fighting off hardcore for the past 2 years, or that my perception is correct and the fics have gotten either worse or less interesting, or both.
But there's also another possibility I've thought about a lot in recent months: Am I getting too old for fandom?
I've thought about this a lot and discussed it with a couple people, but I've never been sure of the answer. Do you think it's even possible? I'm not saying that it's an age thing exactly, mind you. It's not like, at 18 you can be drafted, at 21 you can drink, and at 30 smut becomes less interesting. Maybe fandom is a phase for some people? Maybe, as abruptly as that switch gets flicked on, one day it just gets flicked off again . . .
Or maybe as I get older and gain more and more responsibilities and obligations, I just don't have the energy to deal with a lot of the shit anymore.
Younger fans and older fans who act like younger fans horrify me. I'm sorry to say that my experiences with some of them have very permanently soured me on a lot of individuals and a lot of personalities in general. Any 30 year old man babbling on about how he identifies with Wolfram appalls me in ways I doubt I can ever fully verbalize. And I find it highly disturbing when younger teens gleefully identify their ages in reviews for my darker stories like Thresh and Residency. I don't need to know that you're twelve and you enjoy rape fic. Really. In fact, if I could, I would ban your IP from reading my stories (since damn near all of them are geared towards adult audiences now) and install one of those site minder things on your computer since your parents clearly are not 'net-savvy enough to do it themselves.
People who read those fics and then whine about their content also baffles me . . . until I backtrack their name to their profile and see that they're 15. If you think Harry accidentally wetting himself in front of Snape is a horror, wait until you're old enough to have real things to worry about . . . like those lawyers threatening to sue for defaulting on student loans or having to walk alone past a group of drug dealers in the middle of a transaction on your way home at 2 in the morning. That's fear. If you can't handle a kid pissing himself, either grow some backbone or go back to reading RL Stine.
Younger characters also bore or flat out irritate the hell out of me. More and more I've gravitating towards older characters, which is frustrating since they're frequently neglected in smaller/more kiddie-overrun fandoms. I'm also gravitating towards het more, for which I honestly have no explanation.
But as vexing as I find both n00bs and teen/tween fans, at 24 years old, I myself am rather considered a youngin' in Harry Potter . . . Or at least that's been the reaction I've seen/gotten among those on the Snarry ship. Perhaps it's merely a matter of perspective.
It's not merely other fans, though, it's also the investment that's lacking. My first serious fandom was unquestionably Digimon 02. I made friends within the fandom, chatted with people on AIM, and actually connected with a lot of people--people with whom, six years later, I still maintain some form of contact. In my more recent fandoms, that has not been the case. I know of a lot of people in HP, and I'm in contact with some whom I like/respect via LJ/IJ, but it's not like I chat with anyone (with one or two very notable exceptions), nor am I particularly actual friends with anyone in the fandom. I don't talk about my day with them, or ask them to coffee if they happen to be near me or in town, nor have I ever gotten the vibe that anyone actually wants to chat with me or swing by a Starbucks/Caribou Coffee hut and discuss in depth why the Digimon Kaizer Dark Lord really ultimately defeated himself.
Maybe it's me? >.> Perhaps I've developed a whole new set of social inhibitions over the past 6 years.
Wank also gets very old very fast. And very exhausting. I just . . . don't have the emotional energy to care about it a lot of days. So long as I'm not involved, the train wreck is amusing for the first hour and then I wonder why everyone is still whining about it all. The hurt feelings, the ZOMG!broken friendships/BNF circles . . . What's really the point? I don't know you people and you don't know me. So long as no one plagiarizes me and I have a heart attack, my life will not end if people unFriend me. As validating as having a server-breaking F-list may be, I honestly am not deeply emotionally connected to 99% of fen. I get deFriended and I am bummed and then move on. But caring about it is simply tiring.
I understand that the Interwebz really can be serious business to a lot of people and it honestly makes me wonder if I should just bow out. I look at the life I'm trying to build and the professional reputation I'd like to gain and I wonder: 'Is any of this worth it?' In the great Maslow shuffle of things, I have to say fic falls far behind professional and academic achievement and the day I decide fandom causes me more heartache than satisfaction, I doubt I'll have too many problems with cutting loose the dead weight. In fact, as anyone who knows me fairly well can attest, I have come to excel at cutting dead weight out of my life.
These feelings have been persistant, going on for more than a year now, and I have to wonder what they mean (if anything). Am I fatigued with fandom? Have I simply taken too many Excedrine and need to be quiet and go to bed? Have my tastes just changed? Or is it actually possible that I'm emotionally in a place where I don't want/need it anymore?
Is stuff like this common? Do people really outgrow fandom?
Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not throwing up my hands and declaring that I'm leaving the fandom 4 eva!!!!eleventy!! or anything. This is just a philosophical exercise for me. These are the burning questions I think about whilst brushing my teeth at 1 am.
I've noticed in recent months that I have run out of patience with a lot of fanfic. I am and always have been a self-described fic snob, but these days it seems more and more like I discard far more fics two or three paragraphs in than I find good stories that I like, regardless of the fandom. It's possible that this is an off-shoot of the (probable) depression I've been fighting off hardcore for the past 2 years, or that my perception is correct and the fics have gotten either worse or less interesting, or both.
But there's also another possibility I've thought about a lot in recent months: Am I getting too old for fandom?
I've thought about this a lot and discussed it with a couple people, but I've never been sure of the answer. Do you think it's even possible? I'm not saying that it's an age thing exactly, mind you. It's not like, at 18 you can be drafted, at 21 you can drink, and at 30 smut becomes less interesting. Maybe fandom is a phase for some people? Maybe, as abruptly as that switch gets flicked on, one day it just gets flicked off again . . .
Or maybe as I get older and gain more and more responsibilities and obligations, I just don't have the energy to deal with a lot of the shit anymore.
Younger fans and older fans who act like younger fans horrify me. I'm sorry to say that my experiences with some of them have very permanently soured me on a lot of individuals and a lot of personalities in general. Any 30 year old man babbling on about how he identifies with Wolfram appalls me in ways I doubt I can ever fully verbalize. And I find it highly disturbing when younger teens gleefully identify their ages in reviews for my darker stories like Thresh and Residency. I don't need to know that you're twelve and you enjoy rape fic. Really. In fact, if I could, I would ban your IP from reading my stories (since damn near all of them are geared towards adult audiences now) and install one of those site minder things on your computer since your parents clearly are not 'net-savvy enough to do it themselves.
People who read those fics and then whine about their content also baffles me . . . until I backtrack their name to their profile and see that they're 15. If you think Harry accidentally wetting himself in front of Snape is a horror, wait until you're old enough to have real things to worry about . . . like those lawyers threatening to sue for defaulting on student loans or having to walk alone past a group of drug dealers in the middle of a transaction on your way home at 2 in the morning. That's fear. If you can't handle a kid pissing himself, either grow some backbone or go back to reading RL Stine.
Younger characters also bore or flat out irritate the hell out of me. More and more I've gravitating towards older characters, which is frustrating since they're frequently neglected in smaller/more kiddie-overrun fandoms. I'm also gravitating towards het more, for which I honestly have no explanation.
But as vexing as I find both n00bs and teen/tween fans, at 24 years old, I myself am rather considered a youngin' in Harry Potter . . . Or at least that's been the reaction I've seen/gotten among those on the Snarry ship. Perhaps it's merely a matter of perspective.
It's not merely other fans, though, it's also the investment that's lacking. My first serious fandom was unquestionably Digimon 02. I made friends within the fandom, chatted with people on AIM, and actually connected with a lot of people--people with whom, six years later, I still maintain some form of contact. In my more recent fandoms, that has not been the case. I know of a lot of people in HP, and I'm in contact with some whom I like/respect via LJ/IJ, but it's not like I chat with anyone (with one or two very notable exceptions), nor am I particularly actual friends with anyone in the fandom. I don't talk about my day with them, or ask them to coffee if they happen to be near me or in town, nor have I ever gotten the vibe that anyone actually wants to chat with me or swing by a Starbucks/Caribou Coffee hut and discuss in depth why the Digimon Kaizer Dark Lord really ultimately defeated himself.
Maybe it's me? >.> Perhaps I've developed a whole new set of social inhibitions over the past 6 years.
Wank also gets very old very fast. And very exhausting. I just . . . don't have the emotional energy to care about it a lot of days. So long as I'm not involved, the train wreck is amusing for the first hour and then I wonder why everyone is still whining about it all. The hurt feelings, the ZOMG!broken friendships/BNF circles . . . What's really the point? I don't know you people and you don't know me. So long as no one plagiarizes me and I have a heart attack, my life will not end if people unFriend me. As validating as having a server-breaking F-list may be, I honestly am not deeply emotionally connected to 99% of fen. I get deFriended and I am bummed and then move on. But caring about it is simply tiring.
I understand that the Interwebz really can be serious business to a lot of people and it honestly makes me wonder if I should just bow out. I look at the life I'm trying to build and the professional reputation I'd like to gain and I wonder: 'Is any of this worth it?' In the great Maslow shuffle of things, I have to say fic falls far behind professional and academic achievement and the day I decide fandom causes me more heartache than satisfaction, I doubt I'll have too many problems with cutting loose the dead weight. In fact, as anyone who knows me fairly well can attest, I have come to excel at cutting dead weight out of my life.
These feelings have been persistant, going on for more than a year now, and I have to wonder what they mean (if anything). Am I fatigued with fandom? Have I simply taken too many Excedrine and need to be quiet and go to bed? Have my tastes just changed? Or is it actually possible that I'm emotionally in a place where I don't want/need it anymore?
Is stuff like this common? Do people really outgrow fandom?
Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not throwing up my hands and declaring that I'm leaving the fandom 4 eva!!!!eleventy!! or anything. This is just a philosophical exercise for me. These are the burning questions I think about whilst brushing my teeth at 1 am.