Mar 09, 2005 18:37
We grasp at each other
with ten ton claws
trying to cripple something
the way you have
to really hurt someone
to love them--
the way you have to honestly feel hurt--
I dry up in the bloodless talk
of bohemian scum and bored intellectualism
between drinks I try to be worse
than my habit--
locked like this
not a soul could hear me
not a miserable wretch could bear hang
on my eight century words
on my big time chromium lie
you soften as you shudder
you look like the moon
eyes like pendulum
run me through--
The agony of looking without warm
walking without glare
fucking without love
this kind of occurance hones me
to an electric edge
to a sexual ballista
I withdraw a little and romance
in the sour dregs of scoured dawn
when the weather was hot
and the ocean spilled on rich jag
on white capped surf
in rustic nowhere
In this way I manage to hoist myself
from the crude confines
of adhering to a world without intentions--
But sliding out of her laugh
and knowing that awful lonesome howl
somehow humanizes her
I think this is beautiful and I won't tarnish it
this claim is beyond even me
I collapse into the lay of her then
into the face of God
into the limbs of my father
into the eyes of my soul--
thinking myself blessed
for the small mercies
and for this sprawled wreck sleeping
loyal at my feet--
The agony of looking without warm
walking without glare
fucking without love
I watch the disembodied mass
over coffee and talk political
these fancy manicured zombies
these elegant disconnected whores
I try to cut through their desperation
carve through and edify
to ultimately strengthen how
tenderly you wave goodbye
how physically this burden beats me
breathless I cannot reply
except to say I'll never change
I never could--I never lied.
"& I fall asleep laughing your name"