I hurt myself today, just to see if I still feel.
I'm here awake really early, and have been for several hours now. Last night, I was filling out job applications because I need money or else I'm going to die soon, meaning my heart. I just need to be with her. Right now, my body is basically shaking and freezing, I am covered up, so don't say to "cover up!" I think I am sick again, RAWR! I'm puking blood again and it's so gross. So, I was actually looking in the mirror the other night and said "Amber, you're beautiful, inside and out, not many people are like you, and I love you" heh, I was proud. I'm never saying the word "Cunt" again, I realized how nasty of a word it is. I was crying last night and just starting shaking and stuff...Heh, I hate when that shit happens but really to be truthful, I am very use to it. especially' when I cry everyday, almost. That's just sad. I hate being this distraught and upset to where I have to result to crying, then shaking comes along and god knows what else. I want to be someone else sometime, and just really experience what it's like. I'm in love, but I don't know how this is going, I hate waiting because really, I know that him and I will never be hers at the same time, I'm more of a "best friend" and that makes me even more distraught. She tells me I should know how she feels, I do, on certain levels. I just want to know in dept of how she feels, it'd make me feel a ton better about life in general, I can assure you this... Break my heart and I'll break your face:
Right...So jesus christ, I should be sleeping right now, and there was no reason to type JC... I'm worried about things, life, love and certain back stabbing people who are just waiting to stab me in the back. I want to be there for you with open arms and express my love for you, I do. Exactly, why I'm going to work at the hell-hole In&Out again, I hated that place but for you, I will work there, just to get money so I can come see you...I know I'll cry when I leave like a big baby and beg you to stay longer, heh but it's not your descion if I stay longer, is it? No, I guess I have to be extra nice to the parental figure or something. I know how to charm people, heh...I can use my ability in that situation. I want the world to know how I feel for her and I want her to know I feel for her like no other... I want to be cuddled up to her right now...or kissing her as she leaves for school and saying "BabyBay, I'll be here when you get back from school, I love you always and forever!" then I just want to spend my time sleeping in her wonderful bed, in her wonderful scent and when she gets home, I want to lie down with her and just talk, gently rub her hair out of her face and kiss her neck, and as she's falling asleep that night, I want to sing to her, about my love for her, ofcourse...I want to be with her and just hold her in my arms and tell her "Baby, you're okay, I'm here now...,as long as I'm here, I will protect you and I will take care of you, I love you so much" and then possibly, her and I can go for a stroll in the park and while crossing the streets and even when we're not crossing the streets, I will have my arm around her at ALL times(I mean, you do have to SHOW that you love that person that you are currently with by body language to the world, don't you? YES!) aswell as having her hand locked in my hand, where ever we maybe or whatever we may be doing, wheither we may be crossing the street, just walking, driving, sitting, looking into eachother's eyes, ETC...MY HAND WILL BE LOCKED INTO YOURS, AND MY ARM WILL BE AROUND YOU, SO YOU FEEL SAFE AT ALL TIMES! Yeah, I mean (LOL), we'll let go of eachother sometimes but um, I'll be all over you and really appreciating life. Umm wow, heh...this goes to show you that I could ramble about you on and on, anytime, anywhere, or anyday. I really feel bad for Lauren and her having to listen to me ramble on and on about you, OH THE JOY! Eh? Haha, not...although talking about you does make me happy.. Woo and notice, I didn't even apologize once in this entry, be proud, be oh so very proud and guess what? I didn't even start to type "I'm sorry" or something along those lines and erase it, SO WOO FOR NOT APOLOGIZING FOR ANYTHING OR ANYONE. I life sometimes, but rawr for being distraught most of my life. I know how shitty my next two ONE DAY AND ONE NIGHTS are going to be on account of not being able talking to you and jazz and if I hadn't been filling out that damn application, I would have been on talking to you, that just pisses me off/pissed me off. So heh, I PRAY TO GOD THAT I AM UP WHEN YOURE ON SATURDAY MORNING OR I'LL BE SO MAD...Just leave me messages or comments, if not...but that will still make me really sad. I'm so excited to start working AGAIN, not here though...haha..I just want to see you so bad and yeah..Well, this is really long and I'm going to go lie down on account of, it's really early and I've been up for a long time now, just thinking about a lot of useless shit people could careless about. I love you very much more than I could explain in words, and if you think "too much" is bad then I am sorry but I don't know, heh maybe I'll try to ease up on the love or something? Side note, you just don't understand my love for you. So strong, so pure, and yet so hard to explain over the internet. I love you, lots & lots, TEEHEE! Thanks, and have an amazing day, Bay.
Love always,
Amber Michele Corwin ♥
Right...So jesus christ, I should be sleeping right now, and there was no reason to type JC... I'm worried about things, life, love and certain back stabbing people who are just waiting to stab me in the back. I want to be there for you with open arms and express my love for you, I do. Exactly, why I'm going to work at the hell-hole In&Out again, I hated that place but for you, I will work there, just to get money so I can come see you...I know I'll cry when I leave like a big baby and beg you to stay longer, heh but it's not your descion if I stay longer, is it? No, I guess I have to be extra nice to the parental figure or something. I know how to charm people, heh...I can use my ability in that situation. I want the world to know how I feel for her and I want her to know I feel for her like no other... I want to be cuddled up to her right now...or kissing her as she leaves for school and saying "BabyBay, I'll be here when you get back from school, I love you always and forever!" then I just want to spend my time sleeping in her wonderful bed, in her wonderful scent and when she gets home, I want to lie down with her and just talk, gently rub her hair out of her face and kiss her neck, and as she's falling asleep that night, I want to sing to her, about my love for her, ofcourse...I want to be with her and just hold her in my arms and tell her "Baby, you're okay, I'm here now...,as long as I'm here, I will protect you and I will take care of you, I love you so much" and then possibly, her and I can go for a stroll in the park and while crossing the streets and even when we're not crossing the streets, I will have my arm around her at ALL times(I mean, you do have to SHOW that you love that person that you are currently with by body language to the world, don't you? YES!) aswell as having her hand locked in my hand, where ever we maybe or whatever we may be doing, wheither we may be crossing the street, just walking, driving, sitting, looking into eachother's eyes, ETC...MY HAND WILL BE LOCKED INTO YOURS, AND MY ARM WILL BE AROUND YOU, SO YOU FEEL SAFE AT ALL TIMES! Yeah, I mean (LOL), we'll let go of eachother sometimes but um, I'll be all over you and really appreciating life. Umm wow, heh...this goes to show you that I could ramble about you on and on, anytime, anywhere, or anyday. I really feel bad for Lauren and her having to listen to me ramble on and on about you, OH THE JOY! Eh? Haha, not...although talking about you does make me happy.. Woo and notice, I didn't even apologize once in this entry, be proud, be oh so very proud and guess what? I didn't even start to type "I'm sorry" or something along those lines and erase it, SO WOO FOR NOT APOLOGIZING FOR ANYTHING OR ANYONE. I life sometimes, but rawr for being distraught most of my life. I know how shitty my next two ONE DAY AND ONE NIGHTS are going to be on account of not being able talking to you and jazz and if I hadn't been filling out that damn application, I would have been on talking to you, that just pisses me off/pissed me off. So heh, I PRAY TO GOD THAT I AM UP WHEN YOURE ON SATURDAY MORNING OR I'LL BE SO MAD...Just leave me messages or comments, if not...but that will still make me really sad. I'm so excited to start working AGAIN, not here though...haha..I just want to see you so bad and yeah..Well, this is really long and I'm going to go lie down on account of, it's really early and I've been up for a long time now, just thinking about a lot of useless shit people could careless about. I love you very much more than I could explain in words, and if you think "too much" is bad then I am sorry but I don't know, heh maybe I'll try to ease up on the love or something? Side note, you just don't understand my love for you. So strong, so pure, and yet so hard to explain over the internet. I love you, lots & lots, TEEHEE! Thanks, and have an amazing day, Bay.
Love always,
Amber Michele Corwin ♥