You ain't in love with me, bitch, got your hand out tryin' to get some from big-ball, bitch.
I told you I hang with niggas who pimp hoes.
I just pulled my hair and like twirled it in a really hot kind of way, HAHA.
My lips burn and it's pure bloody hell espescially when they come into contact with some sort of food.
I can't breath cause' everytime about this time when I am getting ready to go to bed, I start coughing really bad.
I've been really weird lately and kind of rude to innocent bystanders.
I'm staring at the screen and really wishing I were with her right now because other's just don't make me happy, I NEED you, Holly.
I really do need you more than ever thing's just happen to confuse me though, such as, this summer, if I move there this year, and you happen to want to go somewhere else in the summer, where would I stay? Who would I stay with? What if I moved there and you decided to move somewhere else? Who would I stay in Rhode Island for? No one, there's simply nothing for me to be there for, if you aren't there. Why am I questioning you, you ask? I am questioning you because I don't want you to up and leave after I come there and just spend a month with you, that'd be pretty damn hurtful.
So, Mike seems to hate my guts because he thinks I hate him and that I've been a hateful bitch to him because when he goes to touch me, I freak out and I never used to freak out, I used to like him holding my hand, kissing me, and just loving me. Any NORMAL person enjoys human contact and just compassion, in general but to be truthful, I really don't enjoy it from anyone and I freak the fuck out when someone touches me, in any way, perverted, nice, cute, by accident, etc and it's just a natural reaction. I fall harder and harder for her, each and everyday and this is coming from my heart when other people touch me, I bsaically think I freak out because I know for a fact it should be her, not them. Maybe, I just freak out too much or get weird. I really don't know what Mike's problem is, I think he's just jealous, personally.
My lips are not really hurting as bad as they were when I first started the comment but DAMN, may I mention how badly I am coughing? I am really missing her, sigh. It's quiet in here again besides me yelling really loud just now. When I ran this morning, I came back into the house and I didn't feel relieved, I didn't feel skinnier, I still felt like the fat heffer that I am. Here's a really huge IMPORTANT rant about the trashy place I live in, thanks.
Why do I live in this trashy ghetto? That's what I want to know, oh so badly. The trashiest place ever, the place where I can't leave my house without being scared and having a fun thing of mase on me at all times, and yes, I have used it. Why do I have to be scared living in this apartment that someone will rob me? Come in, point blankly, put a gun to my head or stab me, and rape me. I shouldn't have to have a gun underneath my bed at all times, I shouldn't have to carry mase, but I do. I'm just scared, I'm scared of being shot to death. My apartment isn't dirty, trashy, or filthy or I wouldn't of moved into it but it was all I could afford in the beginning and really, I hate it here. Why do these kids have to live in such horror and discust? Why are there so many coke addicts, heroin addicts, meth addicts, and marijuana addicts here? Why are they just dying to get you addicted, coming back for more, so they can rob you of your self-livelyhood? They want your money, and that's simple. Why do these kids have to see people shooting up right outside their window or right outside of their house? It's not fair, this is pure horror to me and I think it's discusting and filthy, the way these people live. I am not any better then you, you have your reasons but let me say this much, why go and rob innocent people for drug money? You're desperate to get a fix? Well, I am sorry to hear that but you don't need to rob innocent people because YOU screwed up by getting high that first time and now you are COMPLETELY addicted and need a fix and have no money for one, so you feel the need to shoot, stab, murder, etc INNOCENT people. Why is it that I looked out my window and seen something suspicious going on behind my apartment complex, at my neighbor's house? Oh yeah, you wanted that drug money, and again decided to KILL an innocent lady for it and not only did you kill her, you raped her! You are a fucking disgrace and I hope you burn in hell. I've been in that position of needing a fix extremely fucking bad but you know what? Truthfully, I never once thought of mudering an innocent human being AND NOT ONLY THAT but raping an innocent human being. Yeah, I thought about other things, becoming a prostitute, selling myself, etc but not murder. I am apalled, I truely am. I am apalled at those two people who asked me if I wanted to buy drugs today, I'm sorry I don't feel the need to get high anymore. Yes, I'll admit it, it's not like I'm some heaven-sent angel or something and that I TRUELY haven't gotten high since I was sixteen because it's not AT ALL true saying as, the last time I got a fix was on March 10, 2006. Yes, I got a fix pretty recently, and you can hate me if you want, I don't care. There, I admitted it, are you happy? I know it's wrong though and I don't really believe I have a problem with drugs anymore, I don't feel like dying because I don't have them, I don't know, it's hard to explain. I just think it's wrong to do it in front of our children, IT'S WRONG TO LET THEM DO IT OR EVEN TRY IT, but unfourtnately, I wasn't really "taught" from my parents' that I shouldn't do it, got caught up in the wrong crowd and did every drug. I did Acid, Coke, Crack, Mushroom, Heroin, Marijuana, Opium, Meth, Rock, Ecstasy, Speed, PCP (phencyclidine), Hash, Hallucinogens, OxyCotin, Oxycodone, I also abused pain-killers and drank along with doing drugs, I don't really realize how lucky I am to be alive at this point in time.
Let me be the one to tell you this, it's NOT cool to do drugs, yes and I would know, first hand, let me tell you this aswell, if you want to live and you don't want to die anytime soon: simply stay away from them, they are suicide.
Why did I just waste all of my time telling you this random garbage, so you ask?
I just felt like sharing with you that I feel scared to even walk foot outside of my own home because of the drugs, guns, knives, gangsters(HARDCORE GANGSTERS, NOT THE FAKE-ASS GANGSTERS), rapist, and just all-in-all just the bad people, I am scared to go outside and I always have to put the chain on my door and if I forget, I freak out because I don't want another experience with being raped, I don't want to be murdered, shot or stabbed. It's sad when you have to carry a big thing of mase in your car with you at all times, I don't really know. I'm not paranoid though and I know that. If you think I am, what do you want me dead lying in a dumpster somewhere? That's how they kill people around here, fucking scumbags. I watched some guy break into my neighbors' house but I couldn't really see what he was doing, until all the shit was already done. He robbed her, beat her and then he rapped her all for a fucking fix. IF YOU WANT MONEY, CHRIST DON'T RAPE THE FUCKING GIRL. DO you not realize you are robbing her by just doing that? Robbing her of her sense of self?
Come over to my place,
and I will give you a hundred fucking dollars, just so you and your scum friends' do not have to physically touch another female ever again just to get money to get a fix.
I will do that for you, you being that random person who I don't even know.
I don't want to support your habit but christ, stop fucking raping girls, women or whatever.
WE AREN'T HUMAN TARGETS. DO WE HAVE A TARGET ON OUR FACE? Just because we are women, does that make us more vaunerable?
I THINK NOT, I was at one time when I let him brutally beat me to a bloody pulp and just rape me for hours, and all I did was cry, cry for someone to help me, but you know what? Despite me not being tough or anything, I think if another fucker laid their hands on me like those very few did, I would end up murdering you, plain and simple. I would fucking kill you.
I've let too many people do it and I let it go on too long and I can't be like that anymore,
there are still a few assholes who touched me in ways, in ways...that would make me scream but not even the pleasure scream in the brutal way or in the pain way...Those assholes they are basically getting away with murder because I, Amber didn't tell a soul because most of the things of my past were just...wrong...and I knew that if I went to tell someone, no one would believe me, so I shut up but you two are fucking a disgrace and to those who I told on, I'm sorry I wasn't just another vunarable cunt, you could touch and violate in ways that i didn't want to be touched by you, but you are sick and I hate you. Just because those two got away with it for now, doesn't mean I'll go on holding it in, heh and quite frankly, if someone asked me at anytime, such as holly or something, I'd tell them. I just trust them too much.
Okay, that was my huge, sad, disgrace rant for the day.
RANDOM FACT OF THE DAY: I am really in love and I am sad because I hate how badly I want to be in her arms right now♥
Have a great day today, Bay (tommorrow), I'll be thinking about you, like always.
I just pulled my hair and like twirled it in a really hot kind of way, HAHA.
My lips burn and it's pure bloody hell espescially when they come into contact with some sort of food.
I can't breath cause' everytime about this time when I am getting ready to go to bed, I start coughing really bad.
I've been really weird lately and kind of rude to innocent bystanders.
I'm staring at the screen and really wishing I were with her right now because other's just don't make me happy, I NEED you, Holly.
I really do need you more than ever thing's just happen to confuse me though, such as, this summer, if I move there this year, and you happen to want to go somewhere else in the summer, where would I stay? Who would I stay with? What if I moved there and you decided to move somewhere else? Who would I stay in Rhode Island for? No one, there's simply nothing for me to be there for, if you aren't there. Why am I questioning you, you ask? I am questioning you because I don't want you to up and leave after I come there and just spend a month with you, that'd be pretty damn hurtful.
So, Mike seems to hate my guts because he thinks I hate him and that I've been a hateful bitch to him because when he goes to touch me, I freak out and I never used to freak out, I used to like him holding my hand, kissing me, and just loving me. Any NORMAL person enjoys human contact and just compassion, in general but to be truthful, I really don't enjoy it from anyone and I freak the fuck out when someone touches me, in any way, perverted, nice, cute, by accident, etc and it's just a natural reaction. I fall harder and harder for her, each and everyday and this is coming from my heart when other people touch me, I bsaically think I freak out because I know for a fact it should be her, not them. Maybe, I just freak out too much or get weird. I really don't know what Mike's problem is, I think he's just jealous, personally.
My lips are not really hurting as bad as they were when I first started the comment but DAMN, may I mention how badly I am coughing? I am really missing her, sigh. It's quiet in here again besides me yelling really loud just now. When I ran this morning, I came back into the house and I didn't feel relieved, I didn't feel skinnier, I still felt like the fat heffer that I am. Here's a really huge IMPORTANT rant about the trashy place I live in, thanks.
Why do I live in this trashy ghetto? That's what I want to know, oh so badly. The trashiest place ever, the place where I can't leave my house without being scared and having a fun thing of mase on me at all times, and yes, I have used it. Why do I have to be scared living in this apartment that someone will rob me? Come in, point blankly, put a gun to my head or stab me, and rape me. I shouldn't have to have a gun underneath my bed at all times, I shouldn't have to carry mase, but I do. I'm just scared, I'm scared of being shot to death. My apartment isn't dirty, trashy, or filthy or I wouldn't of moved into it but it was all I could afford in the beginning and really, I hate it here. Why do these kids have to live in such horror and discust? Why are there so many coke addicts, heroin addicts, meth addicts, and marijuana addicts here? Why are they just dying to get you addicted, coming back for more, so they can rob you of your self-livelyhood? They want your money, and that's simple. Why do these kids have to see people shooting up right outside their window or right outside of their house? It's not fair, this is pure horror to me and I think it's discusting and filthy, the way these people live. I am not any better then you, you have your reasons but let me say this much, why go and rob innocent people for drug money? You're desperate to get a fix? Well, I am sorry to hear that but you don't need to rob innocent people because YOU screwed up by getting high that first time and now you are COMPLETELY addicted and need a fix and have no money for one, so you feel the need to shoot, stab, murder, etc INNOCENT people. Why is it that I looked out my window and seen something suspicious going on behind my apartment complex, at my neighbor's house? Oh yeah, you wanted that drug money, and again decided to KILL an innocent lady for it and not only did you kill her, you raped her! You are a fucking disgrace and I hope you burn in hell. I've been in that position of needing a fix extremely fucking bad but you know what? Truthfully, I never once thought of mudering an innocent human being AND NOT ONLY THAT but raping an innocent human being. Yeah, I thought about other things, becoming a prostitute, selling myself, etc but not murder. I am apalled, I truely am. I am apalled at those two people who asked me if I wanted to buy drugs today, I'm sorry I don't feel the need to get high anymore. Yes, I'll admit it, it's not like I'm some heaven-sent angel or something and that I TRUELY haven't gotten high since I was sixteen because it's not AT ALL true saying as, the last time I got a fix was on March 10, 2006. Yes, I got a fix pretty recently, and you can hate me if you want, I don't care. There, I admitted it, are you happy? I know it's wrong though and I don't really believe I have a problem with drugs anymore, I don't feel like dying because I don't have them, I don't know, it's hard to explain. I just think it's wrong to do it in front of our children, IT'S WRONG TO LET THEM DO IT OR EVEN TRY IT, but unfourtnately, I wasn't really "taught" from my parents' that I shouldn't do it, got caught up in the wrong crowd and did every drug. I did Acid, Coke, Crack, Mushroom, Heroin, Marijuana, Opium, Meth, Rock, Ecstasy, Speed, PCP (phencyclidine), Hash, Hallucinogens, OxyCotin, Oxycodone, I also abused pain-killers and drank along with doing drugs, I don't really realize how lucky I am to be alive at this point in time.
Let me be the one to tell you this, it's NOT cool to do drugs, yes and I would know, first hand, let me tell you this aswell, if you want to live and you don't want to die anytime soon: simply stay away from them, they are suicide.
Why did I just waste all of my time telling you this random garbage, so you ask?
I just felt like sharing with you that I feel scared to even walk foot outside of my own home because of the drugs, guns, knives, gangsters(HARDCORE GANGSTERS, NOT THE FAKE-ASS GANGSTERS), rapist, and just all-in-all just the bad people, I am scared to go outside and I always have to put the chain on my door and if I forget, I freak out because I don't want another experience with being raped, I don't want to be murdered, shot or stabbed. It's sad when you have to carry a big thing of mase in your car with you at all times, I don't really know. I'm not paranoid though and I know that. If you think I am, what do you want me dead lying in a dumpster somewhere? That's how they kill people around here, fucking scumbags. I watched some guy break into my neighbors' house but I couldn't really see what he was doing, until all the shit was already done. He robbed her, beat her and then he rapped her all for a fucking fix. IF YOU WANT MONEY, CHRIST DON'T RAPE THE FUCKING GIRL. DO you not realize you are robbing her by just doing that? Robbing her of her sense of self?
Come over to my place,
and I will give you a hundred fucking dollars, just so you and your scum friends' do not have to physically touch another female ever again just to get money to get a fix.
I will do that for you, you being that random person who I don't even know.
I don't want to support your habit but christ, stop fucking raping girls, women or whatever.
WE AREN'T HUMAN TARGETS. DO WE HAVE A TARGET ON OUR FACE? Just because we are women, does that make us more vaunerable?
I THINK NOT, I was at one time when I let him brutally beat me to a bloody pulp and just rape me for hours, and all I did was cry, cry for someone to help me, but you know what? Despite me not being tough or anything, I think if another fucker laid their hands on me like those very few did, I would end up murdering you, plain and simple. I would fucking kill you.
I've let too many people do it and I let it go on too long and I can't be like that anymore,
there are still a few assholes who touched me in ways, in ways...that would make me scream but not even the pleasure scream in the brutal way or in the pain way...Those assholes they are basically getting away with murder because I, Amber didn't tell a soul because most of the things of my past were just...wrong...and I knew that if I went to tell someone, no one would believe me, so I shut up but you two are fucking a disgrace and to those who I told on, I'm sorry I wasn't just another vunarable cunt, you could touch and violate in ways that i didn't want to be touched by you, but you are sick and I hate you. Just because those two got away with it for now, doesn't mean I'll go on holding it in, heh and quite frankly, if someone asked me at anytime, such as holly or something, I'd tell them. I just trust them too much.
Okay, that was my huge, sad, disgrace rant for the day.
RANDOM FACT OF THE DAY: I am really in love and I am sad because I hate how badly I want to be in her arms right now♥
Have a great day today, Bay (tommorrow), I'll be thinking about you, like always.