day 23: without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces...
i need a hair cut.
yesterday evening, while we were waiting for the solidarity event to start, pam asked me if i'm planning on keeping my hair short forever, which led to me explaining how i'm torn on the issue. i love my hair as is, am ttly obsessed with it, am slightly giddy when i look in the mirror still. but i love my hair as it was
they're all quite fun. so i told her that i'd keep it like this for a while, and she said i could dye my hair as is, and i gave her a long stare. no, i don't want to look like sisqo or dennis rodman. thanks though.
and throughout this conversation, people around us [very crowded room] were trying to hear what we were talking about and i felt so incredibly shallow. because this is what we talk about, hair and dye and shit about other people. i felt dirty. i ended the conversation very uncomfortably. clearly, i have an inferiority complex.
this morning, woke up at 9:22 and called pam. she did not answer [surprise!] and i went back to sleep. but she called me right back and told me she'd be over at 10. so i rolled my ass out of bed to get ready before we hiked up to the big C, where we've been planning on going for over a year now. of course, i couldn't for the life of me find a map of the area, so we decided to wing it, based on a few indicators i'd found in tour books at the student store.
the zebra outside of zebra tattoo and piercings, where i got my first tattoo
mural on the side of galaxxy, where i got my snakebites last year
rainbow things at hot topic! pride is upon us!
we took an entirely unnecessary route through campus.
lots of kids on tours.
hate squirrels
bowles, one of the dorms.
we almost died in that thing.
we asked some guy in the area how we get to the big c. he told us to walk past some stoagre bins and there would be a beaten path that would take us up there.
TURKEYS. WTF.
said beaten path.
so far so good. the path isn't obstructed, but i'm scared out of my mind because this looks like the beginning of an episode of csi. i have no problems telling pam i am afraid that we will die on this hill.
at one point, the path widened out and had mulch and logs on either side. we were so sure we were going the right way.
there was even evidence of a small party! but then the path was gone. absolutely gone. only thing in either direction was loose dirt and that yellow plant shit. so not cool. we explored all the other possible paths btu found nothing. bullshit. so we decided to look on the other hill, where the houses are. this hill has stairs.
so many stairs
at one point, we could see everything!
yea... more stairs.
takin a break on the stairs.
anyway, at the top was a cul de sac. pam and i went back down and had frozen yogurt, then went to target.
i came home and napped for a while. we were soooo tired. my sister called and we talked for a long while, and i relayed my day to her, which she found positively hilarious. she told me about some shit in her life, which i laughed at. apparently our creepy grandmother lifted up my sister's dress, flashing everyone in the room her lime green victoria's secrets. niki smoothed down the dress awkwardly and said she had to go, lmao. oddly enough, she was lifting up my skirt too when i saw her a week ago. but i was sitting, so she didn't get a chance to make things that awkward. i'm pretty sure she's slow, but how she acts is so weird to me. >.>
niki told me probably in 3 weeks or so she might be coming up here to work for a while. apparently she's just a few forms away from becoming a traveling nurse, where she can go to any hospital with openings and stay there for a while. she told me a few years ago that this was her plan, to go to san francisco, new york, seattle, miami, and all those awesome places while working and i admire her follow-through. i don't know what she's going to do about the dogs though. >.>
i got a message from krystelle today, apologizing. i'm kinda torn on how to feel, since she's clearly reaching for me. i don't know what to do. on one hand she sounds pretty sincere, but on the other hand, do i really want to go there? i dunno. i miss her. but i can't tell if i miss her or if i just miss how she and i used to be. and then, do i miss her more because i lost louis recently too, or is my missing her completely separate from that?
and then there's her motives. does she really miss us or is she just looking around and realizing how few people she has left after it's said and done?
bottom line is people fuck up. we've all pulled some shit in our lives, and when it comes down to it, friendship is how much shit i'll take from you to enjoy your company. so the question remains: how much shit am i willing to take?
on that same ticket, i doubt you want to hear what i have to say about louis.
my right eye hurts. also, on the ucberkeley lj community, i found easy directions to the big c. oh, how i have underestimated you, lj.
hope you're all well. <3