i've gone all this fucking way..
=D
hi friends hi! how about a real update?
meera and i handed out midsemester evaluations [where our students tell us how they like the class, what they don't like, how they feel about us, anonymously], and most of them were fine, but some of them were really fuckign mean. like, at first i was pretty detached from it, and i heard meera say something like "i'm kind of upset/hurt" and i thought to myself: hurt. does it hurt? i don't think so... but a little bit later i did feel hurt and upset about it. i'm not fake, and i'm not rude. some of the things they said were pretty fucked up, but right now i'm getting over it.
we had a midwife and her apprentice come talk to our class last night and they were only supposed to talk for an hour, but it lasted two hours and meera and i were totally okay with this. our class had a lot of questions, so it was so much more interactive than it was when i took the class. i really enjoyed it and slowly am beginning to get over evals.
i had two exams this morning that i wasn't all that ready for, but also wasn't all that stressed out about. i think they went fine, but we'll see i suppose lol.
got my nose pierced on sunday! fikur, this piercer in the city, has a workshop once a year where piercing students get experience while supervised by professionals. jeannie went and brought me jamie and claudia with her. it was really cool, and while i was waiting, i watched this guy get his dick pierced. incredible. oh and i saw the cutest boy there! he had the dimple piercings that i've only seen on girls but they looked so incredibly cool on him. and he had curly hair, was dyed pink. plus he was really warm and funny. i was so glad he was there. the girl who pierced me wasn't used to piercing left-handed, so she kinda fucked up halfway through and had to lay me down. and i was ttly inwardly panicking, but she calmed me down. it was cool.
jeannie and claudia
jamie and me
=D
jeannie got her nostril pierced too and jamie and claudia got their navels done. their reasons were supercool though, because they had both planned on doing it after they lost some weight, as a prize to themselves [poisonous thinking]. but instead they did it now, as empowerment gifts to themselves, to love and decorate and appreciate themselves as they are. i was so incredibly happy for them. hanging out with other facs always makes me feel good. i don't know what it is, but i love them. and next semester jeannie and mo and claudia will be gone! D=
we went to castro and shopped and i bought rainbow things! even though i'm broke D= ! and we took pics next to the giant wooden penis. and we took note of the lack of things catering to womyn there were. we had cookies and didn't get to watch the sunset but it was still a lot of fun.
on saturday night, i went out to dinner with jeannie, claudia, mo and her roommate kayla [twice, lmao]. that was a lot of fun, although i was kind of out of it most of the time. but then again, so was monet, lmao, but i suppose she had better reasons than i. we went to this vegetarian place on shattuck called herbivore, and that food was soooo good! then afterwards we went across the street to tuk tuk thai for thai dessert, which was really fuckign good. but our server was a rude asshole. slam my shit on the table and shit. rude!
on saturday morning [and apparently i'm going backwards, lmao], a bunch of the VAGINAs went to Dolores Park in the city for hang out, but i didn't go because i was invited to a workshop at mills college [all girls uni in oakland]. the womyn is writing a play about womyn's experience with their bodies, so she traveled around the country having workshops. she got in contact with The Body Positive [amazing organization and i must say i love connie and elizabeth], and they got some volunteers to come help out. so courtney and i went and it was nice, chill, safe space. we learned a lot, talked a lot, communicated, etc. it was a really nice day. at the end we read through the play so far, and i was given the part of Voice 3 and the Butt. it was nice, and we left. on the way home, courtney asked how i felt about being the one assigned the butt. i've got to admit, a part of me groaned that she had brought it up. a part of me had wanted to just brush that under the rug and pretend not to notice.
of course i noticed the magical coincidence that the only black womyn present was given the part of the butt. and of course there could be other explanations for it. maybe she just felt my personality fit the voice she was trying to get across. maybe she was just being random. but i'm gonna go ahead and say that i doubt it. no, i don't think she was trying to be malicious or rude. i don't think she was trying to do anything at all. i don't think she even thought about it. i think she made the association subconsciously and didn't question it at all. of course, i could be wrong, but for the purposes of this entry, whether or not i'm right is irrelevant.
...rofl, so apparently it's not a good idea to take a cake break in the middle of a serious self-analysis. {shrugs} what was i saying...?
right, whether i was paranoid or right on, it doesn't matter. what matters is that i didn't give it a second thought. yea, when she told me i would be the butt there was a fleeting thought of 'of course i am,' but it was fleeting. in seconds it was gone, forgotten, swept under the rug, ignored. and i've been doing that for at least 10 years now. people are fucked up. the world is fucked up. people say and do fucked up things that i, for the most part, will let slide. when it's blatant, i get really angry though, and i suspect it's because i can't pretend i didn't just hear that guy call me nigger bitch. i suspect that blatant racial discrimination pisses me off because i can't ignore it, can't avoid it. it stays in my head, it stays on my shoulders, it stays on my heart. getting assigned the butt? well that i can gladly ignore.
but why? not because it's not a big deal. i freak out over little things all the time, especially when it comes to misogyny and heterosexism. but racial bias? i just let it go. i've spent so much of my life trying to defy stereotypes, and the angry black womyn who's way too sensitive about race, is something i've tried not to be for a very long time. but fuck it. and fuck you. i'm not too sensitive. you're too insensitive. [not you, flist. the you is metaphorical].
on friday, pam and i went to ihop. it was mediocre.
on thursday, jamie and kory picked me up and we went to san jose to meet with jeannie and her work friends for kareoke! it was incredibly cheesy, but a lot of fun. i sang "Let's Get It On" [me and cami's song], among others.
i'm irritated that this won't load in its entirety for me.
i'm also irritated that walgreens has stopped selling my favorite snack. i looked it up and i apparently can't purchase it wholesale. boo. at this point i'm so desperate for flavored popcorn that i will walk to safeway soon.
i'm tired. i had to get the kids up at 7:30 this morning [aka too fucking early], and make sure they got ready and into a cab to school. eric and perry are in hawaii. and the kids' mom is taking them to aruba in 10 days. i can barely afford to go to long beach on friday. boo. on the other hand, {dances naked through the apartment}.
i have a paper to write. i shall get to it after my nap. i be tired, friends. i love you.
also; what the fuck? people make me so angry.
hi friends hi! how about a real update?
meera and i handed out midsemester evaluations [where our students tell us how they like the class, what they don't like, how they feel about us, anonymously], and most of them were fine, but some of them were really fuckign mean. like, at first i was pretty detached from it, and i heard meera say something like "i'm kind of upset/hurt" and i thought to myself: hurt. does it hurt? i don't think so... but a little bit later i did feel hurt and upset about it. i'm not fake, and i'm not rude. some of the things they said were pretty fucked up, but right now i'm getting over it.
we had a midwife and her apprentice come talk to our class last night and they were only supposed to talk for an hour, but it lasted two hours and meera and i were totally okay with this. our class had a lot of questions, so it was so much more interactive than it was when i took the class. i really enjoyed it and slowly am beginning to get over evals.
i had two exams this morning that i wasn't all that ready for, but also wasn't all that stressed out about. i think they went fine, but we'll see i suppose lol.
got my nose pierced on sunday! fikur, this piercer in the city, has a workshop once a year where piercing students get experience while supervised by professionals. jeannie went and brought me jamie and claudia with her. it was really cool, and while i was waiting, i watched this guy get his dick pierced. incredible. oh and i saw the cutest boy there! he had the dimple piercings that i've only seen on girls but they looked so incredibly cool on him. and he had curly hair, was dyed pink. plus he was really warm and funny. i was so glad he was there. the girl who pierced me wasn't used to piercing left-handed, so she kinda fucked up halfway through and had to lay me down. and i was ttly inwardly panicking, but she calmed me down. it was cool.
jeannie and claudia
jamie and me
=D
jeannie got her nostril pierced too and jamie and claudia got their navels done. their reasons were supercool though, because they had both planned on doing it after they lost some weight, as a prize to themselves [poisonous thinking]. but instead they did it now, as empowerment gifts to themselves, to love and decorate and appreciate themselves as they are. i was so incredibly happy for them. hanging out with other facs always makes me feel good. i don't know what it is, but i love them. and next semester jeannie and mo and claudia will be gone! D=
we went to castro and shopped and i bought rainbow things! even though i'm broke D= ! and we took pics next to the giant wooden penis. and we took note of the lack of things catering to womyn there were. we had cookies and didn't get to watch the sunset but it was still a lot of fun.
on saturday night, i went out to dinner with jeannie, claudia, mo and her roommate kayla [twice, lmao]. that was a lot of fun, although i was kind of out of it most of the time. but then again, so was monet, lmao, but i suppose she had better reasons than i. we went to this vegetarian place on shattuck called herbivore, and that food was soooo good! then afterwards we went across the street to tuk tuk thai for thai dessert, which was really fuckign good. but our server was a rude asshole. slam my shit on the table and shit. rude!
on saturday morning [and apparently i'm going backwards, lmao], a bunch of the VAGINAs went to Dolores Park in the city for hang out, but i didn't go because i was invited to a workshop at mills college [all girls uni in oakland]. the womyn is writing a play about womyn's experience with their bodies, so she traveled around the country having workshops. she got in contact with The Body Positive [amazing organization and i must say i love connie and elizabeth], and they got some volunteers to come help out. so courtney and i went and it was nice, chill, safe space. we learned a lot, talked a lot, communicated, etc. it was a really nice day. at the end we read through the play so far, and i was given the part of Voice 3 and the Butt. it was nice, and we left. on the way home, courtney asked how i felt about being the one assigned the butt. i've got to admit, a part of me groaned that she had brought it up. a part of me had wanted to just brush that under the rug and pretend not to notice.
of course i noticed the magical coincidence that the only black womyn present was given the part of the butt. and of course there could be other explanations for it. maybe she just felt my personality fit the voice she was trying to get across. maybe she was just being random. but i'm gonna go ahead and say that i doubt it. no, i don't think she was trying to be malicious or rude. i don't think she was trying to do anything at all. i don't think she even thought about it. i think she made the association subconsciously and didn't question it at all. of course, i could be wrong, but for the purposes of this entry, whether or not i'm right is irrelevant.
...rofl, so apparently it's not a good idea to take a cake break in the middle of a serious self-analysis. {shrugs} what was i saying...?
right, whether i was paranoid or right on, it doesn't matter. what matters is that i didn't give it a second thought. yea, when she told me i would be the butt there was a fleeting thought of 'of course i am,' but it was fleeting. in seconds it was gone, forgotten, swept under the rug, ignored. and i've been doing that for at least 10 years now. people are fucked up. the world is fucked up. people say and do fucked up things that i, for the most part, will let slide. when it's blatant, i get really angry though, and i suspect it's because i can't pretend i didn't just hear that guy call me nigger bitch. i suspect that blatant racial discrimination pisses me off because i can't ignore it, can't avoid it. it stays in my head, it stays on my shoulders, it stays on my heart. getting assigned the butt? well that i can gladly ignore.
but why? not because it's not a big deal. i freak out over little things all the time, especially when it comes to misogyny and heterosexism. but racial bias? i just let it go. i've spent so much of my life trying to defy stereotypes, and the angry black womyn who's way too sensitive about race, is something i've tried not to be for a very long time. but fuck it. and fuck you. i'm not too sensitive. you're too insensitive. [not you, flist. the you is metaphorical].
on friday, pam and i went to ihop. it was mediocre.
on thursday, jamie and kory picked me up and we went to san jose to meet with jeannie and her work friends for kareoke! it was incredibly cheesy, but a lot of fun. i sang "Let's Get It On" [me and cami's song], among others.
i'm irritated that this won't load in its entirety for me.
i'm also irritated that walgreens has stopped selling my favorite snack. i looked it up and i apparently can't purchase it wholesale. boo. at this point i'm so desperate for flavored popcorn that i will walk to safeway soon.
i'm tired. i had to get the kids up at 7:30 this morning [aka too fucking early], and make sure they got ready and into a cab to school. eric and perry are in hawaii. and the kids' mom is taking them to aruba in 10 days. i can barely afford to go to long beach on friday. boo. on the other hand, {dances naked through the apartment}.
i have a paper to write. i shall get to it after my nap. i be tired, friends. i love you.
also; what the fuck? people make me so angry.