(no subject)
Yet a further 10 things I hate that other people seem to like. Because I’m an archivist. Archivists like lists. It’s the natural order of things, archivists list, teachers teach, Gary Glitter touches children, and the world continues to rotate on its axis.
1) 42. No, no it is not the meaning of life. Not even a little bit. Firstly, well, it just isn’t. Secondly, shut up. Read a proper book. Go for a walk, there’s weather out there you know. It’s terribly exciting.
2) Meeting people. Some people I know seem to consciously go out of their way to do this. Why on earth would you want to do that? 99.9% of people are tossers, so if you’re going up to that bloke at the bar and making conversation with him, odds are ridiculously high that within the first 60 seconds you’ll want to stab him in the head. People are highly overrated anyway.
3) Saying it’s not like the book you know. Of course it fucking isn’t. Books, they’re words, written on bits of paper that are all stuck together and you sit down and you read ‘em and sometimes it takes ages and ages and you have to make up stuff in your head so it makes sense, and everyone makes up different stuff so they have a different story. Films, they’re people on a big screen making noises and moving about and doing things for our general entertainment. At what point precisely did you come to the conclusion that these two things would be remotely similar? *
4) Spain. Really, I don’t get it. Why?
5) Doing things. So many people seem to be continually bemoaning the fact that they’re not doing things. Again, I ponder, why exactly would you want to do things? Really, not doing things is so much more fun. And besides anything else, we’ll all be dead soon and all this doing of stuff will count for precisely bugger all in the grand scheme of things. So there, that’s my positive thought for the day.
6) Facets. As in I have many different facets to my personality; I’m a multi-dimensional, well-rounded individual. I’m not. I drink and I smoke and I arse about online and I read and sometimes I leave the house, if somebody makes me. I have no desire to have multiple facets, it’d only get confusing. I still have enough trouble keeping track of my single facet and what its getting up to when I’m not paying attention (read - drunk). Give me any more and I’d likely be all over the gaff doing Christ knows what to God knows who.
7) In continuation of number 6: having a brain. Now I know personally at least half a dozen folk who have proclaimed themselves to be geniuses, and I never entirely understood why. I mean, not denying their inherent smartness or owt, but really, start telling folk things like that and they’re going to start having expectations and other such unpleasantness. Me, I work on the I like DRINK! basis. That way if I ever do manage to get out a coherent sentence people are roundly impressed that I’m capable of more than carnal knowledge of farmyard animals and projectile vomiting onto my own head.
8) Smugness. As in oh the funniest thing happened to me the other day, I was on the bus, reading Plato, and contemplating the fragility of the mind’s conception of the reality of the human form and it being an integral component in the arena of our perception of the world around us, when a man asked me for a light… Translation: I was on my way to work, being a tosser…
9) Black Sabbath. I mean, come on, really, do people seriously listen to that shit?
10) Egos. I remember wanting one for quite a while, thinking it’d be a terribly useful thing to have. Since discovering livejournal though I’ve witnessed what having an ego can do, and to be honest this time I think I’ll pass. The words smug supercilious self-absorbed self-aggrandising pointless little leech do rather spring to mind. Self-hatred, it’s the new black, or the new rock and roll, or the new cottage cheese. Or something.
* See also It simply doesn’t have the integrity of the original. If, in this instance, the original was a comic book, possibly featuring a large green man or scantily clad female with a bosom bigger than my head (and I do have a remarkably large head), then I laugh in your face at this point. Oh, and I spit on you and steal your first-born.
Addendum:
(11) Livejournal stalking. As in Oh my god, I was just looking at Mike’s friendslist and I found out that John’s ex Sarah is going out with that bloke who used to live near Bill. You know, the one with the weird leg thing. I’m sorry, whatnow?
(12) Stating the fucking goddamn obvious. You’ve had your hair cut. No shit, what did you think they’d snuck in during the night and given me a trim when I was asleep? ninja hairdressers or summat?. Your jacket is one fire (and yes, I was informed of this recently, and yes, I was aware of this fact and was in the process of trying to put out said fire. Oddly enough).