Tnykuh
I have found that hiding from him doesn't help. He's locked away inside of me but he's still there. Every so often he'll try his best to come out and i'll burst into tears all over again. But I can't be that person with my Bruaheq. I can't be a Dragon with my Pheonix. And so, the dragon within me will have to stay locked away forever. I can't be that person, I'm not that person anymore. I used to be someone that cared about everyone and tried to help anyone I could. Now, I feel the icey tendrils of indifference creeping around my heart. I've stopped caring about people at all. I still want to help but I can't find it in myself to actually do it. Maybe it's because I'm just to heartbroken to look past my own suffering back out into the world. All I see is what I've lost and where I'm not going anymore. I was walking down a road and suddenly came to a dead end. It was a six year journey to reach the end of the road and now I have to travel back down that road to try and find another path. Another road to take to travel this life. It'll have to be alone for I have no Pheonix to walk beside me. The Dragon within me screams for release, to be let loose but, I don't have the heart to look in the mirror and see the man she once loved. I'd rather be someone she can't love than try to remain that person. And so I try to hide from him, run around any corner I can find within my soul. It doesn't work half the time, he always finds me. And I lay with tears in my eyes, at times all day, when he does. But this new person I've become, he is becoming stronger. He'll be able to beat him one day. We'll call him the Tiger. Tigers and Dragons have always fought in all of mythology so, I'll let one lose on him. I can't live with the feelings he represents anymore. I can't go through an old e-mail account and suddenly feel tears I didn't even know I was crying. I can't handle the heartbreak anymore. I'll build myself a new heart and I'll make it better than ever. I'll make it to where no one can ever break it again. Perhaps one day though, I can be that Dragon again. A Dragon with his Pheonix is barely a Dragon at all but, I don't think I can honestly deny that part of my soul forever. But, not right now and not for a long time either. There's no way I can be that person when I leave. He'll never make it. He'll fail. Like he always does without her. And so, a Tiger is born within to replace the Dragon. The Dragon that doesn't have the strength of heart or spirit to make it in this world anymore. He'll always be with her, no matter what, a part of her. Even if she rejects it, he'll always be there with her. But not me, not this person. Not this soul. I'll find someone to cherish my soul and my heart. I'll find someone that can appreciate this Tiger and will keep the Dragon within me buried deep, sleeping forever. That person, that she couldn't even love, is no longer needed. So, goodbye Tnykuh. I'm sorry that you've suffered as you have. I wish I could change that and whats happened but, it's not in my power to do so. Rest well, you deserve it.