Are you redefining the code?
I'm reading a book about the code by which society teaches women to live. It is bringing up some interesting questions. I'm reading it while spending an inordinate amount of time by myself this weekend. This also brings up many questions. I'm noticing how often I want to hang out with friends or get in contact with someone with whom I'd like to cultivate a real relationship. I'm intimidated by the great stretches of time available to me and noticing how I put off doing things that are both productive and small time commitments. I think I go on these jags of doing the small productive things and I get a bunch done in an hour or so. And then I want my reward. Call the boyfriend. But oops, there isn't one. I call the friends too. And these are happy things -the friends and the times spent with them. But sometimes, like a craving for mom's potato salad or Lennie's Turkey Tortilla salad, the need is for a certain kind of close relationship. At the last wedding where the family gathered and the cousins got to chat a bit there was talk of being happy to be single. I thought this, but didn't quite have the clarity to express it: I'm happy. I'm single. I'm not happy TO BE single. It's down to two cousins who have never been married and/or are not in a long-term committed relationship. One seems to be the kind of guy who could be happy as a batchelor for the rest of his life. The other is me. I also kind of wonder what people think of the cousin who was married and divorced. Is there an expectation that she get married again? Or is it "oh, she's been there and done that." She most certainly deserves wedded bliss if that's what she wants.
Or maybe no one's really paying that close of attention. That would actually be pretty cool. Everyone be responsible for their own happiness and take joy in the pleasant surprises shared by the others. That seems pretty unlikely, as there are gossips and busybodies in every family to varying degrees. I actually think that is a good thing too. They can remind us that we do want to be part of each other's lives. Hopefully we're all strong enough to do it in our own way that is not actually invasive for others!
i don't really want to get any more rambly than I already have. So here are some of the questions coming up from reading the book:
So I'd like to have children and a partner. I've been thinking of this in terms of the family tree and the importance of family to me. I've got the "up" side of the tree in pretty good shape and have actually become more intentional about my attention there. But I feel like the furniture and dishware in Beauty and the Beast - unused bits of me are feeling rusty and lazy and icky because of it. So do I have a fundamental need to have children, and is that need part of the code (Nurture others) or is it something I really want specifically. I could probably get a lot of the nurturing need met by babysitting for my friends and having a "little sister or brother."
Spending time by myself, slacking off, sleeping in, taking naps...I feel a smidgen guilty for these things. Is it because I'm worried that I'm doing them in excess or is it that I don't think I deserve this time to myself?
I'm not done with the book or the long weekend. So more is likely to come of this. It might be a bunch of rambling bullshit, but there you go. That's what journals are for. Mine seems to shift between blog and journal. Can we make up a new word for that? Welcome to my Live Blournal?
: D
Or maybe no one's really paying that close of attention. That would actually be pretty cool. Everyone be responsible for their own happiness and take joy in the pleasant surprises shared by the others. That seems pretty unlikely, as there are gossips and busybodies in every family to varying degrees. I actually think that is a good thing too. They can remind us that we do want to be part of each other's lives. Hopefully we're all strong enough to do it in our own way that is not actually invasive for others!
i don't really want to get any more rambly than I already have. So here are some of the questions coming up from reading the book:
So I'd like to have children and a partner. I've been thinking of this in terms of the family tree and the importance of family to me. I've got the "up" side of the tree in pretty good shape and have actually become more intentional about my attention there. But I feel like the furniture and dishware in Beauty and the Beast - unused bits of me are feeling rusty and lazy and icky because of it. So do I have a fundamental need to have children, and is that need part of the code (Nurture others) or is it something I really want specifically. I could probably get a lot of the nurturing need met by babysitting for my friends and having a "little sister or brother."
Spending time by myself, slacking off, sleeping in, taking naps...I feel a smidgen guilty for these things. Is it because I'm worried that I'm doing them in excess or is it that I don't think I deserve this time to myself?
I'm not done with the book or the long weekend. So more is likely to come of this. It might be a bunch of rambling bullshit, but there you go. That's what journals are for. Mine seems to shift between blog and journal. Can we make up a new word for that? Welcome to my Live Blournal?
: D