dawning revelations
so why is it that every step forward i take is shortly followed by 5 backwards?
i work so fucking hard to get something that i really want
something that i put hours, days, weeks, months, years into
all just to alienate myself from everyone
i cant just get one fucking break?!?
you think i should quit
this is exactly why i can't
i'd drive myself insane
coming close to doing it already
i'm so excited, and then so afraid about my parents coming in
1. i get to see them for the first time in months
2. i have to tell them about my grades
3. i have to talk to them about what i'm going to be doing w/ the rest of my life
no bueno
it's prob going to happen right after i graduate
assuming that happens anyways
i miss so many people
i've mistreated so many friends
i can't believe some of the shit that i've pulled
i'm sorry
i guess to the one or two of you that still read this...
thanks
i know that what i write here may not make much sense
but when i need to come here b/c i can't turn anywhere else really...
it helps.
i have this urge to do just punch something/someone as hard as i can
like im anxious but when i clench my fists...
it's like i can center myself
but only on the thought of putting so much energy into something
that it just take all this shit from me
and transfers it to anything else.
the only problem is i know i'd break something
and regret it the second after it happened
b/c then i'd be in more shit than i was before.
it didn't fix anything, and now i've broken something else that i now need to fix...
i went away for a lil while...
cleared my head.
well tried to anyways.
idk what i'm going to do, i just hope if/when i decide...
you're there by my side.
i work so fucking hard to get something that i really want
something that i put hours, days, weeks, months, years into
all just to alienate myself from everyone
i cant just get one fucking break?!?
you think i should quit
this is exactly why i can't
i'd drive myself insane
coming close to doing it already
i'm so excited, and then so afraid about my parents coming in
1. i get to see them for the first time in months
2. i have to tell them about my grades
3. i have to talk to them about what i'm going to be doing w/ the rest of my life
no bueno
it's prob going to happen right after i graduate
assuming that happens anyways
i miss so many people
i've mistreated so many friends
i can't believe some of the shit that i've pulled
i'm sorry
i guess to the one or two of you that still read this...
thanks
i know that what i write here may not make much sense
but when i need to come here b/c i can't turn anywhere else really...
it helps.
i have this urge to do just punch something/someone as hard as i can
like im anxious but when i clench my fists...
it's like i can center myself
but only on the thought of putting so much energy into something
that it just take all this shit from me
and transfers it to anything else.
the only problem is i know i'd break something
and regret it the second after it happened
b/c then i'd be in more shit than i was before.
it didn't fix anything, and now i've broken something else that i now need to fix...
i went away for a lil while...
cleared my head.
well tried to anyways.
idk what i'm going to do, i just hope if/when i decide...
you're there by my side.