Bored
LENNY BRUCE.
He was many things … a First Amendment warrior, a womanizer, a hipster and a junkie … but the one thing a comedian is supposed to be-funny-he wasn’t. “Take away the right to say ‘fuck,’ ” came one of Lenny Bruce’s most famously self-serving lines, “and you take way the right to say, ‘fuck the government.’ ” Thanks, Lenny. We’re now allowed to say “fuck” in certain special circumstances. But the government fucked you harder. You turned rat on your drug-dealing friends, and it’s safe to assume your morphine overdose in 1966 was a hot shot delivered as street vengeance.
JFK.
An insanely rich warmonger considered a saint for pledging to fight poverty and war. His family’s wealth was built on organized crime, but the second his shadowy cronies helped him get elected, he set his brother Bobby loose to try and destroy them. His biggest accomplishments in office were fucking Marilyn Monroe and being shot to death. Unbeknownst to most, JFK was also a speed freak whose fearless Cold War “brinksmanship” was actually dangerously apocalyptic tweaksmanship-while Kennedy was botching the Bay of Pigs invasion and sweating through the Cuban Missile Crisis, his physician, Max “Dr. Feelgood” Jacobsen, was shooting him up to the eyeballs with pharmaceutical-grade amphetamines.
NO FUTURE.
According to the Economic Opportunity Program at Demos, people in their 20s who are currently working paycheck to paycheck can expect to keep doing so well into their 40s. Combine this with the fact that wages haven’t risen in years, housing costs have skyrocketed (even in a shithole like Portland properties went up by $20,000 last year), and you have the Nickel and Dimed conclusion: Most of us are two paychecks away from homelessness. Sorry, but do you see a way out? The boomer’s median house price of $23,000 has risen to $148,000. Now most people spend over half their income on rent and stand no chance of accruing a down payment anytime this decade. You tell me how it’s going to pan out.
DRUGS
They smoked pot in the 60s, dropped acid in the 70s, and snorted coke in the 80s but all we hear about is how dangerous drugs are and how we have to keep them away from their kids. Unless, of course, those drugs are pharmaceuticals. In the past few years the number of psychotropic drugs for kids ages two to four has tripled and at least 1.5 million kids are on Ritalin. So… drugs are bad for kids but we need to get more kids on drugs. Oooooooh kaaaaaaye.
Bill Cosby.
This giant-balled man sees a nation of black kids excited to drop out of school and pursue rap or sports (i.e. entertain white people) and dares to point out that it’s a waste of time. There are almost 90,000 black doctors in America but only a few thousand blacks in professional sports and a mere handful making money in rap. Therefore, he concludes, it’s time to listen to people like Barack Obama when they say, “We need to eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is acting white.”
He was many things … a First Amendment warrior, a womanizer, a hipster and a junkie … but the one thing a comedian is supposed to be-funny-he wasn’t. “Take away the right to say ‘fuck,’ ” came one of Lenny Bruce’s most famously self-serving lines, “and you take way the right to say, ‘fuck the government.’ ” Thanks, Lenny. We’re now allowed to say “fuck” in certain special circumstances. But the government fucked you harder. You turned rat on your drug-dealing friends, and it’s safe to assume your morphine overdose in 1966 was a hot shot delivered as street vengeance.
JFK.
An insanely rich warmonger considered a saint for pledging to fight poverty and war. His family’s wealth was built on organized crime, but the second his shadowy cronies helped him get elected, he set his brother Bobby loose to try and destroy them. His biggest accomplishments in office were fucking Marilyn Monroe and being shot to death. Unbeknownst to most, JFK was also a speed freak whose fearless Cold War “brinksmanship” was actually dangerously apocalyptic tweaksmanship-while Kennedy was botching the Bay of Pigs invasion and sweating through the Cuban Missile Crisis, his physician, Max “Dr. Feelgood” Jacobsen, was shooting him up to the eyeballs with pharmaceutical-grade amphetamines.
NO FUTURE.
According to the Economic Opportunity Program at Demos, people in their 20s who are currently working paycheck to paycheck can expect to keep doing so well into their 40s. Combine this with the fact that wages haven’t risen in years, housing costs have skyrocketed (even in a shithole like Portland properties went up by $20,000 last year), and you have the Nickel and Dimed conclusion: Most of us are two paychecks away from homelessness. Sorry, but do you see a way out? The boomer’s median house price of $23,000 has risen to $148,000. Now most people spend over half their income on rent and stand no chance of accruing a down payment anytime this decade. You tell me how it’s going to pan out.
DRUGS
They smoked pot in the 60s, dropped acid in the 70s, and snorted coke in the 80s but all we hear about is how dangerous drugs are and how we have to keep them away from their kids. Unless, of course, those drugs are pharmaceuticals. In the past few years the number of psychotropic drugs for kids ages two to four has tripled and at least 1.5 million kids are on Ritalin. So… drugs are bad for kids but we need to get more kids on drugs. Oooooooh kaaaaaaye.
Bill Cosby.
This giant-balled man sees a nation of black kids excited to drop out of school and pursue rap or sports (i.e. entertain white people) and dares to point out that it’s a waste of time. There are almost 90,000 black doctors in America but only a few thousand blacks in professional sports and a mere handful making money in rap. Therefore, he concludes, it’s time to listen to people like Barack Obama when they say, “We need to eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is acting white.”