And then you notice things...

[usedtothepain]

Before they died... my grandmother would ash my grandfather's cigarettes for him... He'd be passed out in "HIS chair" drunk as a Native American is expected to be... she was afraid of the 3 room shack they called a home burning to the ground... She would ash it and put it back in his mouth, so his drunken snoring would keep pumping the nicotine into his lungs (just how he liked it). She did this because once she simply put it out in the ashtray... half the cigarette was left, when he woke and saw half of a wasted cigarette he beat the shit out of her... He did this often for many reasons... he also beat his 4 children... this abusive alcoholic had complete control over my grandmother. The power he had to make her hurt must have been insanely strong... this woman was tough as nails... she worked all day, as a child she walked the trail of tears... and gave birth to 3 of her 4 children by herself.

I realize more and more all the traits I have from both of them... it is frightening sometimes.

I'm kind of in this weird state these days... life is in a transition...
and I'm working my way through all the mess and noise.

It's a journey to find yourself.

Believe in Karma?

My grandfather spoken of before...
he died of leukemia, lung, throat, mouth, and testicular cancer... a stroke and liver failure.

We chose a band name today.

Onya~Birri

Do you like it?

-it is pronounced like: (Ah'N-ya Burr...IE)

-it means... "Ghost Boy" in Aborigines...

...also, it is the name of the last living Albino Koala Bear.