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I had a weird period of self-loathing last night. Getting some sleep helped, but some of it is still lingering in the back of my brain.
It started last night when I was trying to work on my mini-manifesto for disney_uberland, and failing so utterly. The words were just not coming out as well as I wanted them to, and I realized that part of the problem was that I haven't written anything since I got back from Australia. It's not that I don't have ideas for writing, I just....can't. I really want to write a story, but when I actually sit down to write my brain refuses to produce anything. So the longer I worked on the essay-thing, the more frustrated I got that my writing was sucking so bad.
Somehow from that, I started thinking about how I haven't done anything really productive since I got back, and how I'm having a hard time looking for a job. Part of the reason I'm having trouble is because I've never worked before. And I have to get a job soon, because the waiting period on my student loans is almost up and I have to start paying. But I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of looking for a job to get work experience, but needing work experience to get a job. It doesn't help that all my friends have jobs and are actually doing something with their lives, while I'm...not.
Then I started thinking about the jobs that I'm trying to apply for (just a few places at the mall), but how they're not really what I'd look for in a career. In fact, I have no idea what I'd want to do for the rest of my life. I had this plan when I was still in college, and I wanted to go to Grad School and get a Masters in Educational Psych so I can be a guidance counselor. But now...I don't know if I want to do that anymore. I don't know what I want to do anymore, and I'm scared that if I don't find something soon, then I'm never going to find anything.
I just couldn't help but think that my life sucks, when it really doesn't. I know I'm pretty lucky compared to some people, and I should be happy with what I have. But...I can't help but feel like something's missing somehow.
I'm not looking for pity or reassurances or anything. I just needed to vent a little, I guess.
In other news, could anyone recommend some good Owl City songs for me? I have a few, but I'm looking to expand my collection. So far, I have "Fireflies", "Strawberry Avalanche", "Meteor Shower", "If My Heart Was a House", "Cave In", "Hot Air Balloon", "I'll Meet You There", "On the Wings", "Rainbow Veins", "Saltwater Room", and "Vanilla Twilight". What are some other good songs?
It started last night when I was trying to work on my mini-manifesto for disney_uberland, and failing so utterly. The words were just not coming out as well as I wanted them to, and I realized that part of the problem was that I haven't written anything since I got back from Australia. It's not that I don't have ideas for writing, I just....can't. I really want to write a story, but when I actually sit down to write my brain refuses to produce anything. So the longer I worked on the essay-thing, the more frustrated I got that my writing was sucking so bad.
Somehow from that, I started thinking about how I haven't done anything really productive since I got back, and how I'm having a hard time looking for a job. Part of the reason I'm having trouble is because I've never worked before. And I have to get a job soon, because the waiting period on my student loans is almost up and I have to start paying. But I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of looking for a job to get work experience, but needing work experience to get a job. It doesn't help that all my friends have jobs and are actually doing something with their lives, while I'm...not.
Then I started thinking about the jobs that I'm trying to apply for (just a few places at the mall), but how they're not really what I'd look for in a career. In fact, I have no idea what I'd want to do for the rest of my life. I had this plan when I was still in college, and I wanted to go to Grad School and get a Masters in Educational Psych so I can be a guidance counselor. But now...I don't know if I want to do that anymore. I don't know what I want to do anymore, and I'm scared that if I don't find something soon, then I'm never going to find anything.
I just couldn't help but think that my life sucks, when it really doesn't. I know I'm pretty lucky compared to some people, and I should be happy with what I have. But...I can't help but feel like something's missing somehow.
I'm not looking for pity or reassurances or anything. I just needed to vent a little, I guess.
In other news, could anyone recommend some good Owl City songs for me? I have a few, but I'm looking to expand my collection. So far, I have "Fireflies", "Strawberry Avalanche", "Meteor Shower", "If My Heart Was a House", "Cave In", "Hot Air Balloon", "I'll Meet You There", "On the Wings", "Rainbow Veins", "Saltwater Room", and "Vanilla Twilight". What are some other good songs?