009 x Have you got it in you?

[usagi]

It's been a hectic start to the summer. The kiddo finally graduated from preschool, so now there is summer school and a new school year to look forward to. For the past month my job search, even though I sent out about over fifty applications to the surrounding area of my location, I came up with dry leads. Okay, no problem. These days it's a

Comments

[usagi]

I appreciate the kind words. I guess the reason why I'm not afraid is I've been at deaths door about two times in the last two years. The last time I landed myself in the hospital hooked up to an IV for three days I just shook my head. I didn't want to be known by the end of my life as the girl who let a car accident get the better of her. Once you move past the pain anything is pretty much in your grasp. I guess in my mind there are plenty of things that I want to accomplish before my days are through any any more 'close calls' especially at my age are really unacceptable if you think about it. My brother has been in college since he was 17 and now he's 27.

I think it's about my time to get my priorities straightened. Perseverance. Endure, endure, endure. It's all you can do. When things push you down you have to push back twice as hard, I guess. Eventually there will be better days, but for now there is a little bit of hard work. =]

As someone once said, "the key to immortality is to live a life worth remembering." I've taken it to heart in recent years. That and my son is definitely a significant driving force. I have the inspiration, I just need a good kick in the ass once in a while. Haha.

[meeshimosh]

Yes! I went through a similar death related experience but not exactly. Most of my childhood was spent in a very abusive (physically, sexually and emotionally) environment. At school, though, I had done my best to fend off the internal demons that were created as a result of my experiences but then things kind of caved in on me my last year of high school. I left home and I wound up bouncing around from one abusive relationship to another unable to identify between what was healthy and what wasn't healthy. I had poor boundaries and suffered from incredibly low self-esteem.

I had a brief moment of clarity, though, and got myself a job, saved up a bunch of money and moved to San Fran to attend art school. The moment of clarity didn't last long and I ended up repeating old patterns again, running off, etc. When I was 25 I hit my rock bottom and was addicted to a lot of things that were killing me. I had been planning and preparing to commit suicide on a Saturday, January 5th...I think it was 2008. On New Year's Eve, though, I received a call that my grandmother had just died. Instead of committing suicide, I went to my Grandmother's wake on January 5th.

After that I decided that I needed to get myself together. Enough was enough. I got myself into an intensive recovery program home and spent four years working through a lot of my issues. Graduated from the program and have been spending the last couple of years learning how to be autonomous and integrating what I learned.

Today I love what I do and I'm happy with life. I manage my own business and sometimes there's hard points, low points, and awesome points! Procrastination can rear it's distracting head at times but I'm fighting back. :D Endurance is definitely key along with determination. Having those touchstones and connections to people who love and care can be a huge driving force. Your son is very lucky to have you! You seem focused and very much determined.