Random Thoughts on Me
I got my result for my Statistics final. 87. That means my final grade for the class will be an 89 (88.53). Maybe I'll get lucky and the professor will bump it up a point and give me an A. But I'm not counting on it.
I don't remember if I posted last night. I was very tired. I didn't get any sleep Sunday night. Right after the exam I went to Mad Hatters. I didn't get to play, due to the variable roster of players what is played depends on who shows up. On the bright side, the event group seems to be warming up to me.
Tomorrow is my Economics exams. Being run by bureaucrats, the economics department elected to have the Econ I and Econ II exams simultaneously. Only afterward was it remembered that a fraction of the students, myself included, were taking both courses concurrently. So as an afterthought, arrangements were made. I, along with the handful of other students taking both courses, will take my Econ I exam at 4pm, then I'll take my Econ II exam at 7:30pm with the bulk of the students taking Economics this semester.
I wish I could figure out where my aversion for parties, and most social functions in general, comes from. As near as I can tell it began when I was in the army. At least I think it did. I didn't go to many social functions prior to that. So it's possible the aversion has always been there, just unnoticed. Perhaps I should ask my mom. As I see it, if I can figure out where the antipathy comes from, I can more easily, and constructively deal with social functions in the future. I did some research on the subject, and the general consensus is that avoiding company parties is not a good idea. Although the "benefits" of attending aren't likely to on materialize in my case, given how extremely introverted I am, and how monumentally inept I am at sociakizing.
I wonder if it's possible for a person to move from being introverted to extroverted, or at least somewhere in between? I don't think so. In my case my introversion is a facet of my Asperger's. Short of curing autism, I doubt anything could be done to makw me less introverted. Even if I could, would I want to? Probably not. Being introverted isn't a flaw. It's just the way some people are, it's not inherently better or worse to be extroverted, just different.
Having Asperger's makes any sort of socializing difficult, and tiring. Things most people take for granted, or do unconsciously I have to work at doing. I have to remember and force myself to look people in the eye when I talk to them. I have to remind myself to show facial expressions. If I don't ny eyes tend to wander everywhere, when I'm talking to someone, and my facial expression stays in it's default. Those are just a few of the things that makes socializing work, and tiring work at that. Not that I don't try, it's just the cost far out weighs the perceived benefits to me.
It might also help if I had more in common with other people. The truth is I have so little in common with the majority of people, that I sonetimes find it hard to believe I'm the same species. It's not that I have anything against most people or their interests, I just couldn't care less about their interests. Football is a perfect example. I have nothing against football or the near religious devotion some fans have for it. I simply haven't the slightest interest in it, and I can't understand how people can be so into it. That doesn't mean I think less of them for their interest. I just can't muster the slightest bit of enthusiasm when it comes to football. I've even attempted to feign a modicum of interest when the situation calls for it (ie. I'm at work and being paid to be affable).
I'm wondering what happened to my refill request for my antidepressants. I'm thinking I should have got them by now. I seem to be doing okay without them for the moment. But that won't last. I was feeling rather aggressive after leaving work tonight. I didn't act on any of these impulses, but that they were so strong worries me. Apparently hostility can be a sign I'm heading into a depressive episode.
I don't remember if I posted last night. I was very tired. I didn't get any sleep Sunday night. Right after the exam I went to Mad Hatters. I didn't get to play, due to the variable roster of players what is played depends on who shows up. On the bright side, the event group seems to be warming up to me.
Tomorrow is my Economics exams. Being run by bureaucrats, the economics department elected to have the Econ I and Econ II exams simultaneously. Only afterward was it remembered that a fraction of the students, myself included, were taking both courses concurrently. So as an afterthought, arrangements were made. I, along with the handful of other students taking both courses, will take my Econ I exam at 4pm, then I'll take my Econ II exam at 7:30pm with the bulk of the students taking Economics this semester.
I wish I could figure out where my aversion for parties, and most social functions in general, comes from. As near as I can tell it began when I was in the army. At least I think it did. I didn't go to many social functions prior to that. So it's possible the aversion has always been there, just unnoticed. Perhaps I should ask my mom. As I see it, if I can figure out where the antipathy comes from, I can more easily, and constructively deal with social functions in the future. I did some research on the subject, and the general consensus is that avoiding company parties is not a good idea. Although the "benefits" of attending aren't likely to on materialize in my case, given how extremely introverted I am, and how monumentally inept I am at sociakizing.
I wonder if it's possible for a person to move from being introverted to extroverted, or at least somewhere in between? I don't think so. In my case my introversion is a facet of my Asperger's. Short of curing autism, I doubt anything could be done to makw me less introverted. Even if I could, would I want to? Probably not. Being introverted isn't a flaw. It's just the way some people are, it's not inherently better or worse to be extroverted, just different.
Having Asperger's makes any sort of socializing difficult, and tiring. Things most people take for granted, or do unconsciously I have to work at doing. I have to remember and force myself to look people in the eye when I talk to them. I have to remind myself to show facial expressions. If I don't ny eyes tend to wander everywhere, when I'm talking to someone, and my facial expression stays in it's default. Those are just a few of the things that makes socializing work, and tiring work at that. Not that I don't try, it's just the cost far out weighs the perceived benefits to me.
It might also help if I had more in common with other people. The truth is I have so little in common with the majority of people, that I sonetimes find it hard to believe I'm the same species. It's not that I have anything against most people or their interests, I just couldn't care less about their interests. Football is a perfect example. I have nothing against football or the near religious devotion some fans have for it. I simply haven't the slightest interest in it, and I can't understand how people can be so into it. That doesn't mean I think less of them for their interest. I just can't muster the slightest bit of enthusiasm when it comes to football. I've even attempted to feign a modicum of interest when the situation calls for it (ie. I'm at work and being paid to be affable).
I'm wondering what happened to my refill request for my antidepressants. I'm thinking I should have got them by now. I seem to be doing okay without them for the moment. But that won't last. I was feeling rather aggressive after leaving work tonight. I didn't act on any of these impulses, but that they were so strong worries me. Apparently hostility can be a sign I'm heading into a depressive episode.