//i want to be....a place where every time you breath, a wish comes true.//
for some reason i felt like writing right now....dunno why, i guess it's just a good tension reliever..?
i'm sitting in the school library, because my english class was canceled today and i've actually been here at the school since 8 this mornin....so yah, i'm not too excited about it anymore. i would have just gone home to take a nap or something, but i didn't feel like wasting my gas knowing i'd have to come back for psych by 1:40 anyways....so yah, i'm here, writing about nothing in particular, just yet.....
i guess i could take this time to process a few of my "theories on life". hah ...
♥love isn't a word that's meant to be thrown around. if you say you love a person, then show them that you do. tell them whenever you get the chance and mean it genuinely every time. if you can't prove your love or at least show someone that you really do love them, don't bother telling them. because you don't really mean it. it's an amazing thing to hear someone tell you that they love you, but if you know it's not coming from the heart and they don't do enough to actually show you with their actions that they mean it, then it was all just a waste of words. after hearing it enough times, w/out meaning, it tends to lose it's potentcy.....that's when it becomes nothing more than a beautiful idea.
♥parents mean more to us kids than we usually say they do. i complain to Marie about how my dad is driving me crazy and my mom might be overly goofy a lot of the time, but underneath all of the irritations and misunderstandings, i love my parents more than any other 2 people on the planet. they have brought me up well, even with all of the flaws i have. and even though they won't leave me alone on almost all of the things i do, and i'd like to strangle my dad for getting on my back so much, in the long run, i know i'll appreciate it more than i'll be able to say. knowing he cares that much makes me realize how good i have it. and even makes me regret all of the stupid mistakes i've made in the past that have crippled our relationship; some, in ways that aren't ammendable. and my mom has become my stronghold and my single guiding light. she's the most amazing testament for Christ i can see and one of the most understanding women i'll ever know. she's the barrier between my dad and i when we're ready to claw at eachother and the mediator when we don't know what else to say. i love them both for everything they do and say and especially for all the things they don't say.
♥friends will come and go, but family will always be family. this wall between my sister and i has gotten to me more than anyone realizes. erin has been my best friend since she was born pretty much. i guess you could say she didn't have much of a choice, being the younger one an' all, but i'm pretty sure neither of us ever hated the arrangement? haha....but now that i'm out in the real world and moving on to try to make something of myself, discovering SO MANY new things about myself, people, and life in general, she's still stuck in her little bubble of a high school with all of the same little faces, not realizing there is so much more to life than boyfriends, who drives which car and senior superlatives. we can't seem to mesh on anything anymore and i truly miss all of the fun things we used to do together. i mean, i don't expect us to be attached at the hip anymore, but i definitely miss the times when we used to invite eachother everywhere we were going, no matter who with. erin was always my backbone, my right hand man, and now i'm left wondering if i'll ever have a close relationship with either of my siblings agian. i don't want to be one of those distant families that's satisified with your basic anual get-together. talking a total of 3-4 times a year on the phone about what's happened in the previous months. and i don't want to regret never taking the time to get to know my little sister the way i know erin. i'm trying to understand her and form a good relationship with her, but it's just getting harder. she's finally getting older and forming a mind of her own as well, unfortunately having something to say in every situation. and she's almost to the age where she wants to spend time with no one else but friends, so i'm at a loss for words. what do you say to a budding 11 year old who used to idolize you and now merely wonders how her posters would look in your room if you moved out.....
♥and to the friends that i know won't just come and go...Marie__this girl truly embodies the word Best Friend. I don't know what i'd do w/out her. This summer was seriously a revelation, thanks to nathan's ridiculous brain-washing tactics, and a whirlwind of good times, thanks to that revelation. haha i've realized that true friendship sometimes comes from the places you'd never expect. i'm so glad we finally became friends. cuz, turns out, we were meant to be together. hahaha but seriously, thanks for all the good times. i had so much fun with her this summer, and i'm lookin forward to years of more fun...cuz God knows i can't be getten rid of that easily. ;) and thanks for being there when i needed a shoulder. we both know i'm really good at complaining/ranting. i just hope she doesn't think any less of me for some of the stupid things that happened....:\ but then again, that's what i love about her. that non-judgemental way. marie is the funniest, most individual, compassionate person and i just can't seem to get enough of it.
Dandy__i wish more than anything i could just come down to Minnesota and live the life with this silly boy. but unfortunately, the lack of money prohibits me from going anywhere outside of colorado springs. :( even though we can't live near enough to hang out, i am so glad we can at least still talk to eachother whenever needed. dan has also provided a shoulder to cry on and a very understanding outlook on my life. he is truly the most non-judgemental person i know. even when he knew i was doing something stupid and didn't particularly like the current boy i might be telling him about, he still encouraged me to go for it and do whatever i could with the situation, merely cautioning me to use my best judgement and to rely on God.....this provided more help than he probably knows. so thanks Dan, for all of the amazing advice you have given me and for truly being that example for Christ that you know i so desperately need. i may be a "sweet girl", but we all need that little extra mixture of lovin and discipline. i love you as a brother and soomeone i've known forever....
and finally,Ryan__honey, i don't really even know what to say about you. we've been through some crazy times haven't we?? you with all of his insane girly problems in the past (God knows i HATE that girl. grrrr.) and just everything in-between. i hope more than anything that he can make it down here to live. that would be amazing. a new adventure in life that i know he needs more than anything?! and just all the times he was so supportive to me when no one else seemed to understand what i was talking about. i will always be here for you Ryan and you know that!! i just hope this search for new love doesn't end up a disaster. ryan deserves the best girl out there, because he's one of the best guys you'll ever find. so don't go breakin his heart ok? haha....i love you ryan.
but i guess that concludes my ranting section. i just wanted to write down a few thought since i didn't have anything else to do. and since people need those small reminders of how much they are loved every once-in-a-while...:) it's nice to know that someone out there cares, that much.
♥
i'm sitting in the school library, because my english class was canceled today and i've actually been here at the school since 8 this mornin....so yah, i'm not too excited about it anymore. i would have just gone home to take a nap or something, but i didn't feel like wasting my gas knowing i'd have to come back for psych by 1:40 anyways....so yah, i'm here, writing about nothing in particular, just yet.....
i guess i could take this time to process a few of my "theories on life". hah ...
♥love isn't a word that's meant to be thrown around. if you say you love a person, then show them that you do. tell them whenever you get the chance and mean it genuinely every time. if you can't prove your love or at least show someone that you really do love them, don't bother telling them. because you don't really mean it. it's an amazing thing to hear someone tell you that they love you, but if you know it's not coming from the heart and they don't do enough to actually show you with their actions that they mean it, then it was all just a waste of words. after hearing it enough times, w/out meaning, it tends to lose it's potentcy.....that's when it becomes nothing more than a beautiful idea.
♥parents mean more to us kids than we usually say they do. i complain to Marie about how my dad is driving me crazy and my mom might be overly goofy a lot of the time, but underneath all of the irritations and misunderstandings, i love my parents more than any other 2 people on the planet. they have brought me up well, even with all of the flaws i have. and even though they won't leave me alone on almost all of the things i do, and i'd like to strangle my dad for getting on my back so much, in the long run, i know i'll appreciate it more than i'll be able to say. knowing he cares that much makes me realize how good i have it. and even makes me regret all of the stupid mistakes i've made in the past that have crippled our relationship; some, in ways that aren't ammendable. and my mom has become my stronghold and my single guiding light. she's the most amazing testament for Christ i can see and one of the most understanding women i'll ever know. she's the barrier between my dad and i when we're ready to claw at eachother and the mediator when we don't know what else to say. i love them both for everything they do and say and especially for all the things they don't say.
♥friends will come and go, but family will always be family. this wall between my sister and i has gotten to me more than anyone realizes. erin has been my best friend since she was born pretty much. i guess you could say she didn't have much of a choice, being the younger one an' all, but i'm pretty sure neither of us ever hated the arrangement? haha....but now that i'm out in the real world and moving on to try to make something of myself, discovering SO MANY new things about myself, people, and life in general, she's still stuck in her little bubble of a high school with all of the same little faces, not realizing there is so much more to life than boyfriends, who drives which car and senior superlatives. we can't seem to mesh on anything anymore and i truly miss all of the fun things we used to do together. i mean, i don't expect us to be attached at the hip anymore, but i definitely miss the times when we used to invite eachother everywhere we were going, no matter who with. erin was always my backbone, my right hand man, and now i'm left wondering if i'll ever have a close relationship with either of my siblings agian. i don't want to be one of those distant families that's satisified with your basic anual get-together. talking a total of 3-4 times a year on the phone about what's happened in the previous months. and i don't want to regret never taking the time to get to know my little sister the way i know erin. i'm trying to understand her and form a good relationship with her, but it's just getting harder. she's finally getting older and forming a mind of her own as well, unfortunately having something to say in every situation. and she's almost to the age where she wants to spend time with no one else but friends, so i'm at a loss for words. what do you say to a budding 11 year old who used to idolize you and now merely wonders how her posters would look in your room if you moved out.....
♥and to the friends that i know won't just come and go...Marie__this girl truly embodies the word Best Friend. I don't know what i'd do w/out her. This summer was seriously a revelation, thanks to nathan's ridiculous brain-washing tactics, and a whirlwind of good times, thanks to that revelation. haha i've realized that true friendship sometimes comes from the places you'd never expect. i'm so glad we finally became friends. cuz, turns out, we were meant to be together. hahaha but seriously, thanks for all the good times. i had so much fun with her this summer, and i'm lookin forward to years of more fun...cuz God knows i can't be getten rid of that easily. ;) and thanks for being there when i needed a shoulder. we both know i'm really good at complaining/ranting. i just hope she doesn't think any less of me for some of the stupid things that happened....:\ but then again, that's what i love about her. that non-judgemental way. marie is the funniest, most individual, compassionate person and i just can't seem to get enough of it.
Dandy__i wish more than anything i could just come down to Minnesota and live the life with this silly boy. but unfortunately, the lack of money prohibits me from going anywhere outside of colorado springs. :( even though we can't live near enough to hang out, i am so glad we can at least still talk to eachother whenever needed. dan has also provided a shoulder to cry on and a very understanding outlook on my life. he is truly the most non-judgemental person i know. even when he knew i was doing something stupid and didn't particularly like the current boy i might be telling him about, he still encouraged me to go for it and do whatever i could with the situation, merely cautioning me to use my best judgement and to rely on God.....this provided more help than he probably knows. so thanks Dan, for all of the amazing advice you have given me and for truly being that example for Christ that you know i so desperately need. i may be a "sweet girl", but we all need that little extra mixture of lovin and discipline. i love you as a brother and soomeone i've known forever....
and finally,Ryan__honey, i don't really even know what to say about you. we've been through some crazy times haven't we?? you with all of his insane girly problems in the past (God knows i HATE that girl. grrrr.) and just everything in-between. i hope more than anything that he can make it down here to live. that would be amazing. a new adventure in life that i know he needs more than anything?! and just all the times he was so supportive to me when no one else seemed to understand what i was talking about. i will always be here for you Ryan and you know that!! i just hope this search for new love doesn't end up a disaster. ryan deserves the best girl out there, because he's one of the best guys you'll ever find. so don't go breakin his heart ok? haha....i love you ryan.
but i guess that concludes my ranting section. i just wanted to write down a few thought since i didn't have anything else to do. and since people need those small reminders of how much they are loved every once-in-a-while...:) it's nice to know that someone out there cares, that much.
♥