back again
so, time for a real update. the office has cleared and i can't send the report til eight, so i'm going to pass some time this way. i can't believe a month has passed since this whole workplace mess started. a month and i feel like today is the first time that i can really breathe again. the promotion is in effect for the time being, though that could potentially change if and when cathy comes back. it's been quite an experience for me. most of it for the better. i'm learning all sorts of things about management. how to deal with employees, that sort of thing. i think it's going well, as well as can be expected. a couple of problems here and there, but hey, this is reality so i can't well expect things to go off without a hitch, now can i?
life has been good. things are settling on the home front up here. em's been hanging out at the apartment, which is nice since she lives there and all. she, holly and i went to pub quiz on tuesday. holly won the lot of us budweiser hats for winning a race that consisted of her rolling an olive across the floor with her nose. girl power indeed. tis the season for tv premiers also. i've already enjoyed arrested development, law and order svu and nip/tuck. tonight is csi. sunday is west wing on a new night and time that i'm not entirely sure i approve of. sunday night seems to be a place where they put older shows out to pasture. rather than shooting them and ending it quickly and painlessly. or something.
spent three glorious days with dad and diane. we went to gettysburg. i am in love. i don't know why i didn't chose to major in history, but i can honestly say that those three days were the most enjoyable i've had in a good long time. spent hours roaming around the battlefield. hours. just stopping off at random sites, seeking out any mention of vermont. mocking the people from virginia to their backs. my father is hilarious. the more time i spend around him, the more i learn about him. and the more i see myself in him. i didn't expect diane to get as into the trip as she did, but by god, it was diane that forced us to go back out onto the battlefield at 8 at night to see if maybe we could find some ghosts, or at the very least get gorgeous battlefield pictures. which i think i did. on both counts. i have to get the photos developed still, but there are bound to be a couple of nice ones. and we sat on a hill near devil's den at 9 watching a slightly glowing grey-clad figure pace back and forth along the road for what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes before fading into the darkness. eerie, but beautiful and i guess i'll never know. realized my true geekiness when i discovered that i may have a bit of a crush on joshua chamberlain. yeah, i get crushes on dead people. that's normal. drove back from gettysburg on thursday. we stopped at the country's biggest rv show. two hours of pure hell. take 95 degree weather, add 85 percent humidity and sprinkle in a healthy dose of the elderly walking around as if they couldn't see two feet in front of them. plus the extravagence of some of these rvs is ridiculous. who needs a whirlpool spa in an rv? someone apparantly.
quitting smoking is going. not perfectly, but i'm down from about a pack a day to three packs a week. so i'm not really going to complain.
my sibling was arrested. apparantly he was acting as the designated driver on a birthday celebration. he was the only one who refrained from drinking. he was driving someone else's car, toting people home when they were pulled over. the registration was expired. a girl said something uncalled for and the cops made them get out while they searched the car. little did charlie know, but the car's owner had his stash in the car. plus there were empty beer cans in the trunk. so charlie and the cars owner were arrested. now charlie will probably get away with a slap on the wrist and a fine, but i still feel bad for the poor boy. he's more upset by the fact that he was busted for something so trivial than anything else. my mom is freaking out a bit, but she'll get over it. she says that she wishes he didn't take after her so much, that he were more like my father and i. i asked her if it was better to live life to the fullest and not worry about every consequence (charlie) or to overanalyze every action and possibly miss out on some of the moments that make life worth living (me). she was silent for a couple of minutes, long enough to make me think that the line had gone dead before she spoke up and told me that maybe i was right, maybe i had a point in that.
she then launched into her new worry, that perhaps i'm working too much. which i might be, but i think i'm happier when most of my life is full with something to do. too much free time makes me uneasy. i'd rather have something scheduled at nearly all points. bear with me here, because this is going to move into a philosophical foray of how my mind operates. i am, underneath any exterior that i put forth, a relatively simple, boring person. that's not to say that i can't be interesting, but i'm far more content sitting quietly at home reading or writing than i ever will be going out. i am out of my element in bars or at parties. there's too much left to question, too many gestures are misinterpreted. i'd rather be left alone with my thoughts, irrelevent to others as they may be. sometimes that's risky and i've learned over the past couple of years how to seperate myself from my thoughts, to put them to the side and do something else when they threaten to darken. and i'm good with that. this realization, about what i am and am not happy doing, however, has led me to realize that i haven't always been up front with people about how i feel.
right now i feel as if i can do nearly anything i want. i want to write a novel. fine, consider it done. if i were to decide to move to la tomorrow, i feel as if i could conquer anything and become the next big thing. if i were to go to new york i have no doubts that i could reign over the world of market research with an iron fist and a box of doughnuts (this spelling is just for you kerry). its kind of scary to feel this manically self-assured, but i think its something that i could get used to. i'm finally feeling like things are really coming together. that i'm actually finding a footing in this world and that maybe, just perhaps things are going to turn out alright in the end.
with that i'll end this. i have reports and such to finish up before i close up shop. i'll leave you all with a couple of my personal favorites from the long line of joshua chamberlain quotes:
"What I mean by character is a firm, seasoned substance of soul. I mean qualities or acquirements as intelligence, thoughtfulness, conscientiousness, rightmindedness, patience, fortitude, long-suffering and unconquerable resolve."
"The power of noble deeds is to be preserved and passed on to the future. "
"We know not of the future and cannot plan for it much."
"In great deeds something abides. On great fields something stays. Forms change and pass; bodies disappear, but spirits linger, to consecrate ground for the vision-place of souls. And reverent men and women from afar, and generations that know us not and that we know not of, heart-drawn to see where and by whom great things were suffered and done for them, shall come to this deathless field to ponder and dream; And lo! the shadow of a mighty presence shall wrap them in its bosom, and the power of the vision pass into their souls."
And my personal favorite:
"It is something great and greatening to cherish an ideal; to act in the light of the truth that is far-away and far above; to set aside the near advantage, the momentary pleasure. . . and to act for remoter ends, for higher good, and for interests other than our own."
life has been good. things are settling on the home front up here. em's been hanging out at the apartment, which is nice since she lives there and all. she, holly and i went to pub quiz on tuesday. holly won the lot of us budweiser hats for winning a race that consisted of her rolling an olive across the floor with her nose. girl power indeed. tis the season for tv premiers also. i've already enjoyed arrested development, law and order svu and nip/tuck. tonight is csi. sunday is west wing on a new night and time that i'm not entirely sure i approve of. sunday night seems to be a place where they put older shows out to pasture. rather than shooting them and ending it quickly and painlessly. or something.
spent three glorious days with dad and diane. we went to gettysburg. i am in love. i don't know why i didn't chose to major in history, but i can honestly say that those three days were the most enjoyable i've had in a good long time. spent hours roaming around the battlefield. hours. just stopping off at random sites, seeking out any mention of vermont. mocking the people from virginia to their backs. my father is hilarious. the more time i spend around him, the more i learn about him. and the more i see myself in him. i didn't expect diane to get as into the trip as she did, but by god, it was diane that forced us to go back out onto the battlefield at 8 at night to see if maybe we could find some ghosts, or at the very least get gorgeous battlefield pictures. which i think i did. on both counts. i have to get the photos developed still, but there are bound to be a couple of nice ones. and we sat on a hill near devil's den at 9 watching a slightly glowing grey-clad figure pace back and forth along the road for what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes before fading into the darkness. eerie, but beautiful and i guess i'll never know. realized my true geekiness when i discovered that i may have a bit of a crush on joshua chamberlain. yeah, i get crushes on dead people. that's normal. drove back from gettysburg on thursday. we stopped at the country's biggest rv show. two hours of pure hell. take 95 degree weather, add 85 percent humidity and sprinkle in a healthy dose of the elderly walking around as if they couldn't see two feet in front of them. plus the extravagence of some of these rvs is ridiculous. who needs a whirlpool spa in an rv? someone apparantly.
quitting smoking is going. not perfectly, but i'm down from about a pack a day to three packs a week. so i'm not really going to complain.
my sibling was arrested. apparantly he was acting as the designated driver on a birthday celebration. he was the only one who refrained from drinking. he was driving someone else's car, toting people home when they were pulled over. the registration was expired. a girl said something uncalled for and the cops made them get out while they searched the car. little did charlie know, but the car's owner had his stash in the car. plus there were empty beer cans in the trunk. so charlie and the cars owner were arrested. now charlie will probably get away with a slap on the wrist and a fine, but i still feel bad for the poor boy. he's more upset by the fact that he was busted for something so trivial than anything else. my mom is freaking out a bit, but she'll get over it. she says that she wishes he didn't take after her so much, that he were more like my father and i. i asked her if it was better to live life to the fullest and not worry about every consequence (charlie) or to overanalyze every action and possibly miss out on some of the moments that make life worth living (me). she was silent for a couple of minutes, long enough to make me think that the line had gone dead before she spoke up and told me that maybe i was right, maybe i had a point in that.
she then launched into her new worry, that perhaps i'm working too much. which i might be, but i think i'm happier when most of my life is full with something to do. too much free time makes me uneasy. i'd rather have something scheduled at nearly all points. bear with me here, because this is going to move into a philosophical foray of how my mind operates. i am, underneath any exterior that i put forth, a relatively simple, boring person. that's not to say that i can't be interesting, but i'm far more content sitting quietly at home reading or writing than i ever will be going out. i am out of my element in bars or at parties. there's too much left to question, too many gestures are misinterpreted. i'd rather be left alone with my thoughts, irrelevent to others as they may be. sometimes that's risky and i've learned over the past couple of years how to seperate myself from my thoughts, to put them to the side and do something else when they threaten to darken. and i'm good with that. this realization, about what i am and am not happy doing, however, has led me to realize that i haven't always been up front with people about how i feel.
right now i feel as if i can do nearly anything i want. i want to write a novel. fine, consider it done. if i were to decide to move to la tomorrow, i feel as if i could conquer anything and become the next big thing. if i were to go to new york i have no doubts that i could reign over the world of market research with an iron fist and a box of doughnuts (this spelling is just for you kerry). its kind of scary to feel this manically self-assured, but i think its something that i could get used to. i'm finally feeling like things are really coming together. that i'm actually finding a footing in this world and that maybe, just perhaps things are going to turn out alright in the end.
with that i'll end this. i have reports and such to finish up before i close up shop. i'll leave you all with a couple of my personal favorites from the long line of joshua chamberlain quotes:
"What I mean by character is a firm, seasoned substance of soul. I mean qualities or acquirements as intelligence, thoughtfulness, conscientiousness, rightmindedness, patience, fortitude, long-suffering and unconquerable resolve."
"The power of noble deeds is to be preserved and passed on to the future. "
"We know not of the future and cannot plan for it much."
"In great deeds something abides. On great fields something stays. Forms change and pass; bodies disappear, but spirits linger, to consecrate ground for the vision-place of souls. And reverent men and women from afar, and generations that know us not and that we know not of, heart-drawn to see where and by whom great things were suffered and done for them, shall come to this deathless field to ponder and dream; And lo! the shadow of a mighty presence shall wrap them in its bosom, and the power of the vision pass into their souls."
And my personal favorite:
"It is something great and greatening to cherish an ideal; to act in the light of the truth that is far-away and far above; to set aside the near advantage, the momentary pleasure. . . and to act for remoter ends, for higher good, and for interests other than our own."