Unbelievable that summer is basically over. Still summer weather, but still, I'm bummed. It was the best summer I've had in years and can't believe we're heading into Fall already. Oh well
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My father has no interest in technology and won't even use an auto-teller. He has to go into the bank and do it in person. They also insist on still getting paper bills even though I have everything on autopay, so that's why there's so much to go through when I get home. Most just needs to be thrown away, but they don't want me to throw anything away. I did get my dad a computer and set up email for him, but he never checks it.
My mother used to be very internet savvy and spend hours per day researching stuff, reading the news, emailed, and even used to text. But she really doesn't even remember how to log in most of the time. I have a set-up where I can control her computer remotely from here when she has trouble and can actually log in and open her email on her computer so she can read it and she can watch what I'm doing. So I do that when I'm on the phone with her sometimes. She calls to tell me her computer is not working, I log in, show her how it works and that it's all working fine, show her what to do, but it's like starting over the next time. Sometimes she calls and can't remember what she called about by the time I answer.
Both have memory issues. I think my father's is from contact sports when he was young (too many head blows) and a neurologist says my mom's is from all the meds for chronic pain. When she had good days and didn't take as much, she was clear, but she's on such heavy doses now that she's never really clear anymore.
This is the first year ever I did not hear from them on my birthday. Didn't want to bring it up and make them feel bad, but I'm kind of going through a mourning process here. It's like I've already lost them to a large degree before actually losing them. They really need help besides me looking in on them much more regularly. I worry constantly and have asked them to do it for me just so I can sleep better and have some peace of mind. They say OK, but when I arrange it, they back out. They're stubborn.
That is a lot you are carrying on you. You're a strong man Russ. I really hated people telling me that when my world was going to pieces with the divorce. So I should know better but you are. You're coping.
I bumped into a book years ago that dealt with what it's like when the roles of parent/child reverse and the emotional adjustments when the child takes on the role of caretaker. I was stupid or perhaps in denial that I'd have to face that. Now I wish I'd bought the book.
Check out some advice on what you're going through or a support group. You aren't alone being a loving child whose parents are needing care like this.
Damn. The thunder is going to steal the internet again. *HUGS* Tomorrow at work I'll be back here if the Library's circulating books don't fall all over me.
Joining Charis--you're doing a fine job--a remarkable job.
Friends of mine (who are in their 80s, and experiencing serious health issues) spent decades ministering to retired pastors, couples (husband and wife), they understand so much about the phasese of life from 50-60-70 and onward. When my mom was in her last year, they talked about "anticipatory grief"...as you're experiencing moments of that nowadays, there may be waves of that as they continue through life, however long that will be. You have a good heart, a strong heart, and you've said good-bye to others deeply important to you--but these will have an impact that is distinct and powerful in their own way.
So I'm glad that you're a part of their lives, actively so (whether there with them or from afar in SoCal). Bless you for your commitment to them. But I do think of you and moments like you've described, and will be concerned (even as I know it's normal, and you'll walk through those days). Alongside the interest and attachment that we here at LJ have with you, I'll be concerned that those in your daily life will be interested, supportive and loving in the coming years.
My mother used to be very internet savvy and spend hours per day researching stuff, reading the news, emailed, and even used to text. But she really doesn't even remember how to log in most of the time. I have a set-up where I can control her computer remotely from here when she has trouble and can actually log in and open her email on her computer so she can read it and she can watch what I'm doing. So I do that when I'm on the phone with her sometimes. She calls to tell me her computer is not working, I log in, show her how it works and that it's all working fine, show her what to do, but it's like starting over the next time. Sometimes she calls and can't remember what she called about by the time I answer.
Both have memory issues. I think my father's is from contact sports when he was young (too many head blows) and a neurologist says my mom's is from all the meds for chronic pain. When she had good days and didn't take as much, she was clear, but she's on such heavy doses now that she's never really clear anymore.
This is the first year ever I did not hear from them on my birthday. Didn't want to bring it up and make them feel bad, but I'm kind of going through a mourning process here. It's like I've already lost them to a large degree before actually losing them. They really need help besides me looking in on them much more regularly. I worry constantly and have asked them to do it for me just so I can sleep better and have some peace of mind. They say OK, but when I arrange it, they back out. They're stubborn.
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I really hated people telling me that when my world was going to pieces with the divorce. So I should know better but you are. You're coping.
I bumped into a book years ago that dealt with what it's like when the roles of parent/child reverse and the emotional adjustments when the child takes on the role of caretaker. I was stupid or perhaps in denial that I'd have to face that. Now I wish I'd bought the book.
Check out some advice on what you're going through or a support group. You aren't alone being a loving child whose parents are needing care like this.
Damn. The thunder is going to steal the internet again. *HUGS*
Tomorrow at work I'll be back here if the Library's circulating books don't fall all over me.
Reply
Friends of mine (who are in their 80s, and experiencing serious health issues) spent decades ministering to retired pastors, couples (husband and wife), they understand so much about the phasese of life from 50-60-70 and onward. When my mom was in her last year, they talked about "anticipatory grief"...as you're experiencing moments of that nowadays, there may be waves of that as they continue through life, however long that will be. You have a good heart, a strong heart, and you've said good-bye to others deeply important to you--but these will have an impact that is distinct and powerful in their own way.
So I'm glad that you're a part of their lives, actively so (whether there with them or from afar in SoCal). Bless you for your commitment to them. But I do think of you and moments like you've described, and will be concerned (even as I know it's normal, and you'll walk through those days). Alongside the interest and attachment that we here at LJ have with you, I'll be concerned that those in your daily life will be interested, supportive and loving in the coming years.
Bless you.
--markb
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